


The GBF

by Psychophantic



Category: Supernatural, deancas - Fandom, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Completed, Enemies, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Friends With Benefits, High School, High School Student Castiel, High School Student Dean, M/M, Megstiel - Freeform, Playboy Dean, Player Dean, Russian Cas, Teen Angst, Teen Cas, Teen Castiel, Teen Dean, Teen Romance, Teen Sam, cynic cas, cynic castiel, teenage cas, teenage dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-01 04:03:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 30
Words: 45,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8606545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psychophantic/pseuds/Psychophantic
Summary: Seventeen-year-old Castiel Milton is cynical and gay, both of which he'd proudly admit.He's also way too smart to fall for the charms of Lawrence High's resident playboy Dean Winchester. Frankly, Castiel hates him. And when he dubs Castiel the "Gay Best Friend" and informs him that he's nothing more than an accessory to his closest friends, he punches Dean in the face.But Castiel's dad is MIA, his mom is slowly deteriorating and he's beginning to question his relationship with his sister. Desperate for a distraction Castiel finds himself in a very-closeted enemies-with-benefits relationship with Dean.But as it turns out, Dean isn't such a bad listener and his life is pretty fucked up, too. Suddenly Castiel realizes with horror that he might be falling for the guy he thought he hated more than ever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends!  
> This is my first AO3 fic so sorry for any formatting errors or anything like that.  
> This work is based off of the book "The Duff" by Kody Keplinger, since I love it and I've always been interested in an Enemies-With-Benefits Deancas relationship.  
> If you have read the book, I hope you enjoy this Destiel twist, and if not, no worries!  
> I do recommend it if you're looking for an easy, adorable read. And if you're judging the book by the movie, don't, the movie was horrid.  
> Anyways, enjoy this teenage hubbub :)

         Castiel did not want to be here.

     He did not want to be standing alone in the kitchenette of Garth Fitzgerald's basement, while every other kid from Lawrence High let out their pent up sexual frustration on the makeshift dance floor. He did not want a sexed up couple to shove past him, stumbling down the hallway and into the spare bedroom, spewing drunken profanities his way. He did not want to stand around watching as sweaty, horn dog guys hit on his sister and their friends, dancing much too close behind them.

        And yet here he is.

The upbeat rap song fades into a less popular techno beat and Castiel watches his sister push through the crowd and head towards him, beaming. He nudges a nearby chair towards her and she graciously falls into it.

        "Hey!" Anna grins, "Aren't you having _so_ much fun?"

At that precise moment a classmate with one too many drinks runs up to the kitchen sink not one foot from where Castiel stands and retches into the drain.

        "So much fun," he replies, dryly, taking a sip of his Coke.

Anna rolls her eyes. "Well maybe if you actually danced with us!"

"Anna, I--"

        "Whew!" Meg and Lisa crash into their small huddle, all smiles and buzzed giggles.

Meg snakes her arm around Castiel's waist.

         "I haven't had this much fun since last weekend!" Her gaze zeroes in on a bottle of Jose Cuervo and she eagerly reaches for it before Castiel intercedes.

"Nope," he ignores her petulant pout and places the bottle further down the counter. "I am cutting you off. Water or Sprite only."

"I love when you get all protective, Clarence,"

"Hey, I'm the one who's gonna have to haul your drunk ass home, so the least you can do is remain conscious."

"You sure do know how to make a girl feel special."

"If only I was into girls,"

        "Gross, you two." Lisa groans, snatching Castiel's Coke from his hand and taking a long swig.

Meg winds her arms around his neck and lets out a theatrical sigh, "If only! The second you think you might be bi, give me a call." Castiel chuckles as Anna and Lisa's faces scrunch up in exaggerated disgust. "Meg, you know you'd be the first girl I'd put my--"

"Okay, ew," the inner-sister in Anna interrupts as she yanks Meg out of his arms, "We are going to go dance! You coming?"

"Haven't you three embarrassed yourselves enough for tonight? Let's leave."

Lisa balks. "Leave? It's barely ten o' clock! Live a little!" She latches onto Castiel's wrist with every intention of pulling him out onto the dance floor, but he's quick to pry her fingers from his wrist.

"I'm good here."

"Come on, we want you to have a good time too!" Meg insists.

"I am!" he lies. "Go on, have fun. I'm fine, really." The three girls reluctantly turn away, but are soon lost in the sea of gyrating bodies.

        Sighing, Castiel walks over to one of the coolers scattered throughout the basement and kneels in front of it, digging through the ice for a new Coca Cola.

     "Hey there,"

Castiel tenses up and steels himself for whoever the unwanted conversationalist may be.

        This happened every so often. Some guy drunk off their ass and reeking of BO would saunter up and interrogate him about his gay-ness, before inevitably understanding that Yes, he is indeed Gay, and No, he won't set them up with Meg or Lisa and especially not Anna.

Castiel's disgust only grows however, when he looks up to see that the intruder is Dean Winchester.

        He would've rather had the gross BO guy.

"What do you want?" Castiel grunts, not even bothering to waste energy on small talk. He settles for a Sprite and gets to his feet, regarding Dean with an uninterested eye.

"Have I ever told you you're a _really_ friendly guy?" Dean drawls sarcastically. "Look man, I just want to talk to you."

"Pass."

Castiel turns away from Dean, as if the crowd of dancing teenagers has suddenly enthralled him and proceeds to crack open his Sprite, taking an obnoxious sip. He'd hoped Dean might actually be bright enough to take the hint and leave him the hell alone, but no such luck.

        He can _feel_ those green eyes watching him with rapt attention.

"Oh, come on, don't be like that," his tone is light but it grinds Castiel's last nerve. "Look, I--"

"I will literally _pay_ you to leave me alone," Castiel interrupts. "With _money_."

Dean quirks an eyebrow as a devilish smirk tugs at his lips. "Now, I'm just not that kinda guy."

        But he is. Dean Winchester is _exactly_ that kinda guy.

He is the slimiest playboy to ever walk the halls of LHS and he knows it. Whether or not his reputation and cockiness are an act, he's still begrudgingly hot and he's used that fact to his full advantage. Castiel recalls the rumors during his sophomore year that Dean Winchester would sleep with anyone for $100. Were it anyone else, they'd instantly be written off as pathetic and whore-ish. But he's Dean Winchester and... _well._

        Castiel does _not_ want to think about how much he'd profited.

"If this is your twisted idea of flirting, I should let you know that I'd rather imbibe copious amounts of liquid chlorine than continue this conversation."

Dean huffs out a laugh. "Gee, talk dirty to me, Cas."

Castiel refrains from both reprimanding Dean for the unwarranted nickname and pointing out that liquid chlorine is a cleaning solution. "Are you leaving or should I?"

"Geez, okay, okay, wait. Just hear me out." Dean sighs, his gaze drifting to the dance floor. "I need your...assistance."

         Castiel would be lying if he said he wasn't intrigued.

"You see, your friends, especially Lisa, are incredibly hot," Dean starts.

Fantastic, Castiel can already sense where this is going.

"And you hold the rightful position as their GBF."

Castiel furrows his brow. "Their what?"

"Their Gay Best Friend."

"I'm almost certain that's not a real acronym."

Dean's eyes flit from the dance floor to Castiel. "Oh, but it is," he turns back to face him. "You're their man. Their best friend. The guy who's always there for them to lean on." Castiel scoffs.

         Of course he is, what kind of friend would he be if he wasn't?

Dean goes on, his voice growing increasingly amused, "They come to you for advice with anything and you're happy to give it to them."

        There's nothing but truth to his statement, but since when is being a good friend a bad thing?

"They drag you shopping with them even though you _obviously_ ," Dean's eyes shamelessly rake up and down his body, "aren't qualified  in that area."

        Castiel self consciously looks down at his jeans and unkempt green T-shirt/red hoodie combo before reminding himself that _hey_ , just because he doesn't live up to a stereotype that doesn't make him any less of a person.

        But Dean continues on, unrelenting. "They bring you to all the best parties and dances and tailgates, even though you hate it. And yet, they insist you go to every one in the name of _friendship_. But, would _real_ friends drag you places you don't want to be?"

         Castiel ignores his words, refusing to speculate.

"Nevertheless, they see you as a close friend. Which is why we gotta buddy up! Science shows girls respond well to guys who befriend their GBF."

         Castiel would like to take Dean's words and shove them "buddy up" his ass.

"But face it, Cas," Dean lifts his broad shoulders in a blasé shrug, "You're nothing more than an accessory to them."

His words leave Castiel staring at him, completely dumbfounded by how arrogant and self absorbed someone can be. Dean Winchester may look like the gods crafted him by hand, but _man_ , what an asshole.

Before he knows what he's doing he's crushed his can of Sprite against Dean's chest, the liquid sloshing onto the front of his immaculate button down.

"Son of a b--!"

         Castiel's fist connects with the side of Dean's face and he has no time to even comprehend that he just punched Dean fucking Winchester, because he's shoving through bodies to find his friends and sister and get the hell out. He spies Anna's red hair moving along to the pop remix pulsing through the air, and he rushes over and grabs her arm.

"We've got to go," Anna turns to face him, free spirited confusion written all across her face. "Now." Her eyes suddenly snap to his and she simply nods, reaching out to pull Meg and Lisa from deeper in the crowd.

"Hey, we gotta go!" she shouts over the music shooting the two a look that gets them upstairs and out of the door. Castiel doesn't slow down until they're halfway down the street near his car, the crisp January air causing the three girls to huddle around him for warmth, their party attire ill suited for the heavy wind. The second Castiel unlocks his POS Continental, the girls pile in, teeth chattering.

"Why'd we have to leave?" Meg demands from the backseat, spreading one of the fleece blankets Castiel keeps in case his POS heater gives out, across her and Lisa's lap. He can feel three pairs of curious eyes on him and he fumbles to get his key into the ignition.

"Uh, I may have gotten into a bit of a spat with someone."

         They all let out concerned little sounds, before the inevitable Who?

"Dean Winchester."

Their concern is immediately swept away and replaced with gasps of girlish delight.

"Please don't," Castiel groans, starting up the car and maneuvering his way out from the two cars he'd parked between. "He's disgusting."

"Disgustingly attractive maybe," Lisa chimes in. Castiel can't help but think about how Dean had had his sights on her earlier. "God, C, only you could find a flaw in Dean Winchester."

"Like the fact he's a conceited asshole who's too self righteous to realize the world doesn't actually revolve around him?"

"He's not that bad," Anna defends, and Castiel briefly recalls the embarrassing crush she'd had on Dean after sharing a class with him freshman year. "I heard from Jo he was super nice to Ash. She said she was at a party recently and he just came up and talked with him for a good twenty minutes. She thought he was gonna like, hit on her or something but he spent the whole time talking about music with Ash instead!"

        That made sense.

Although Castiel never pondered Ash's sexuality, it wouldn't be that much of a stretch to assume he might be gay or bi, or something. Ash is the rambunctious, indie/alt theatre kid who's more sexually ambiguous than Bon Jovi himself.

        Jo's very own GBF.

"See?" Lisa smiles, "Perfectly nice!" Castiel wonders if Jo left the party with Dean and hopes for her sake she didn't buy into his cheap GBF befriending crap.

"Okay, but wait. What do you mean you got into a spat with Dean?" Anna insists, concern finally returning to her voice.

Lisa gasps. "Ohmygod, was he a dick about you being gay?"

"We could probably get him suspended for a hate crime or something," Meg adds.

"But does it count as a hate crime if I'm pretty sure he's not totally straight himself?" Anna speculates.

"Hey, shut up for a second?" Castiel interrupts, flatly.

"Sorry!"

"If anyone's getting suspended, it's me," he admits, a bit sheepishly. "I might've decked him."

      Silence.

And then _3...2...1…_

"You _what?_ " Lisa just about screeches.

"Castiel that is so not cool!" Anna talks over, "I thought you were a pacifist!"

Meg smirks, "Didn't think you had it in you."

"Okay, can we like relax? Until after this left hand turn, at least?" he exclaims, eyeing the blinking red. The girls remain quiet for the mere four seconds it takes Castiel to turn onto Nine Mile, before they erupt into even more questions.

"What'd he say to you?"

"Was it like a knee jerk reaction or something?"

"How's your hand?"

"What happens when you see him Monday? Don't you have Lit with him?"

         The street is practically barren and Castiel pulls over smoothly, turns off the car and drops his forehead against the steering wheel. "Do you ever shut up?"

"Not when we find out our badass best friend just punched Dean fuckin' Winchester!" Meg answers, far too excited about this to be healthy. The words "best friend" bounce around Castiel's head and for the first time ever he begins to wonder if they're true or if maybe, _maybe_ Dean has a point. Is he an accessory?

"Look, I just, I want to go home." Castiel sighs, his mind reeling too much as the events from tonight catch up with him.

"Oh, come on Clarence," Meg frowns. "Tonight doesn't have to end on such a depressing note."

"Yeah!" Lisa chirps, "There's a college party going on in Alvamar! It's pretty early, but we could probably still make it."

"Guys--"

"College boys!" Meg sings, "Ten times more likely to be out of the closet than high school boys."

"Also ten times as likely to date rape."

"Ever the cynic," Anna sighs, a hint of a smile playing across her lips. The silence that follows is awkward and Castiel can practically feel their disappointment for a Saturday night wasted. He starts the car up again and turns around. "Where are we going?" Anna asks, the hope evident in her voice.

Castiel grumbles, "Alvamar," and the girls all shower him in excited Thank You's!

"You're all buying me coffee afterwards, though." Castiel bargains. "The expensive dessert kind."

"Deal!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading<3  
> share/kudos/comment/tell me a joke/criticize me/literally just comments in general make my day


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I had to be THAT writer who used GoogleTranslate. lol sorry!! especially to my Russian speakers out there. I feel offensive af

    

        The world was eerily silent as Anna and Castiel snuck back into their house after two AM.

Castiel's ears were still ringing from the deafening bass that blasted through the surround sound at the party--which wasn't much different from Garth's, though the guys were cuter and there was no Dean Winchester, which was a definite step up. Plus, his friends had fun and he'd happily cashed in on his coffees, so he'd count it as a successful night. 

        He locks the front door after Anna and together they shuffle silently through the dark living room. Castiel's eye catches on a new addition to the stack of unread postcards lying on the coffee table, but he ignores it. 

        He's not interested. 

He's too tired to read all about his dad's travels and whatever piss poor Eat Pray Love crap he's writing now. Instead, he drags himself upstairs, bids Anna a bleary-eyed "goodnight" and creeps into his own bedroom. 

        He reeks of alcohol and sweat and he lets out an audible sigh when he kicks off his shoes and peels off his clothes. What he'd really like to do is shower, but it would just alert their mom that they've only just arrived home, which is an argument he's really not up to having. 

Castiel flicks off his light and flops into the cool embrace of his bed, welcoming the well-loved cotton against his skin. His entire body is wracked with exhaustion and he's sure he'll fall asleep in no time.

        That is, until his mind drifts to thoughts of a certain green eyed cretin and the words it had spoken earlier that night.

 _"GBF."_  

So what if Castiel is the GBF? 

It's not like it's _untrue_. He is in fact, gay and a best friend.

But why should his sexuality cheapen his friendships? That's right, it shouldn't. 

And it doesn't! 

         Besides, if he were straight he'd bear the chance of turning into a generalizing, sexist pig like Dean Winchester, and _no thank you_.

See? 

Being the GBF has its benefits!

Ugh. 

_What has his life come to?_

Here he is, awake at two o'clock in the morning, seriously attempting to justify himself to the metaphysical Dean that has inhabited his brain. 

Castiel forces his eyes shut and resolves that he will never think any Dean Winchester or GBF related thoughts ever again.

 

 

        Sunday was as quiet and peaceful as they've begun to be with dad always gone.

Whenever dad was around the Milton household was always buzzing with activity, full of music and lively debates about existentialism or philosophy. 

         But dad's once frequent visits have dwindled down to the odd holiday or weekend, with months of absence in between. He tried to remain interested and invested in their lives but it's hard to be a parent when you're never around.

        Mom on the other hand, never seems to leave the house. She's taken to shutting herself up in her office, so absorbed by her work she sometimes forgets to eat. 

        But if there's one thing Castiel will never complain about it's peace and quiet. 

Anna remained in her room pretty much all day, secretly nursing her hangover and catching up on put-off homework. 

So Castiel had the day to himself to marathon Food Network in peace.

As far as Sunday's go, it was pretty unspectacularly wonderful. 

        Monday though, sucked. 

To be fair, most Monday's do, but this one was especially bad. 

        It began with Lisa dejectedly slinking into first hour AP World History with tears rolling down her cheeks. 

A friend crying is always something to raise concern, but when that friend is the optimistic, always peppy, go-getter Lisa Braeden, it becomes that much more worrisome.

Castiel could hear her little sniffles as she took her seat next to him. 

        "Lisa? What's wrong?" His chest tightened with concern and he racked his brain for any possible explanation. 

         "My-my mom," she let out a shaky breath, her voice fragile.

Castiel's brain immediately reverted to worse case scenarios: 

She's dead?

Injured?

Left? 

        "She won't let me go to the Winter Ball!"

Oh.

Castiel was relieved to say the least.

He would almost let out a balk of laughter if not for the tears pooling in Lisa's eyes at this trivial affair.

"Oh, wow, um...I'm sorry," he awkwardly tried to sympathize, though his thoughts on school dances hindered himself from really feeling that bad. "How come?" 

"She found out I'm flunking Algebra II and grounded me," she sighed, as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 

"I'm sorry, that sucks." The words sounded insensitive even to Castiel. He flinched before attempting damage control, "Hey, I'm not going to the dance either. I can come over? Movie marathon or something?"

At this, Lisa perked up, "Really?" Castiel nodded.  "Yeah, that'd be great! My mom likes you so that's probably okay,"

         He shot her a smile, happy to see the liveliness return to her eyes.

"Then it's a date." 

"Can we watch that one old movie we watched before?"

"Can't Buy Me Love?"

"Yeah! I never got to finish it!" Lisa grinned, before her face fell ever so slightly, "Unless you've already seen it and are sick of it or something,"

         To be truthful, Castiel was sort of hoping to marathon Indiana Jones or Marvel, but Lisa's big brown eyes never fail to pull at his heart strings.

"The day I'm sick of young Patrick Dempsey is the day I stop breathing," Castiel smiled. 

She laughed just as the teacher strolled in. 

        With one crisis averted, the rest of class went by smoothly. 

Castiel got back an old test (a 98% for properly discussing the role that Otto Von Bismarck played in German unification, hell yes) and Lisa was giggling about one thing or another by the time they left the classroom. 

        Overall, Castiel was feeling pretty okay and he'd be lying if he said there wasn't a little extra pep in his step. 

"...anyway, I should get to Chem before Conway gives me detention or something. See ya!" Lisa bid farewell and gave Castiel a quick peck on the cheek before rushing off towards the science wing.

Castiel popped in his earbuds and cranked up the Tchaikovsky he was listening to earlier. He hummed quietly to himself as he rounded the corner to his next class and ran head on into _of fucking course_ , Dean Winchester.

         Castiel stumbled as his history textbook hit the floor, spilling old papers and tests and then Dean was reaching out with both hands to steady him. 

"Woah, there BF," he grinned, amused. Castiel was close enough to see the yellowing bruise that blossomed across his lower cheek and he couldn't help but be filled with sick satisfaction. "Falling all over me, huh?"

As quickly as he'd tripped, Castiel jerked away from Dean, scoffing.

"You wish." 

He knelt down to collect his things and grew irritated when Dean began to help him.

Probably still trying to get on his good side in hopes of getting in Lisa's pants.

         Dick.

"AP World?" Dean questioned, glancing over the papers he's collected. He looked intrigued by whatever he was reading, which for some reason felt like a huge invasion of privacy, even though it was probably just scribbled notes about eighteenth century Europe. Nevertheless, Castiel snatched the papers from Dean's hands, but not before he could ask, "You write your notes in another language?"

Castiel looked up at Dean, unamused but unsure as to what he was getting at. "Sometimes? I don't know, I'm Russian."

Dean's eyes widened, "Seriously? Awesome, can you say something?"

"Vash golos prinosit moi suitsidal'nyye tendentsii."

Dean smirked.

"Damn. That's hot, what's it mean?" 

"Your voice brings out my suicidal tendencies."

"Sexy."

Castiel got to his feet the same time as Dean did and shoved past him with a glare.

        What an asshole. 

It's not like he doesn't know Castiel's name. So why does he refuse to call him by it?

        It's one thing to objectify a person, but it's another entirely to only acknowledge a person based on that particular objectification.

At least he didn't say anything about Garth's party, though Castiel doesn't regret punching him in the least. 

         Castiel's next class is an unpopular elective course called Social Dialogues where students discuss social issues. With a mere twelve students total, it's one of Castiel's favorite classes. Small and personal. 

Ten of those students were already in their seats, waiting for the bell and the teacher. A few bored classmates glanced up at him as he took his seat in the back, only to carry on their conversations or continue playing on their phones. 

The bell pierced the air just and Mrs. Mills breezed in. 

        "Alright everyone, take out the income gap article from yesterday, I want to go over it and get some thoughts," she announced, setting her bag on the floor. "I'm gonna take attendance and--"

        "Sorry I'm late!" 

Castiel's head snapped up embarrassingly fast as the owner of that smooth voice sauntered in through the door. 

        Now, typically Castiel's not one to buy into high school romances and especially not love, but for Zeke Kyle he might make an exception. 

He's pretty much the walking embodiment of perfection and Castiel would be willing to bet he's not of this earth.

He isn't a jock or a skater or a prep or a geek.

         It's like he's completely above adhering to the fucktastically cliché hierarchy of high school. And fuck, if Castiel doesn't adore that.

He's a rare, honest-to-God wholesome guy and that's what Castiel likes so much about him. 

        He's intelligent, but never pompous or close minded. Socially awkward, but adorably so. Athletic, in that he runs cross country, but he isn't some hyper-masculine, iron pumping douchebag. 

         Castiel is convinced Zeke is his perfect match. 

Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to know that. In fact, Zeke doesn't even seem to know Castiel exists.

         It probably doesn't help that any time Castiel got the chance to speak with him, his English just fizzled. The one and only time he'd interacted with him had been in Russian, wherein he blurted out something along the lines of, _"Father my children!"_

Thank God Zeke doesn't know any Russian, but now he probably assumes Castiel's either,

A. An exchange student or 

B. Incredibly and embarrassingly inane. 

        And that's hoping Zeke even notices him. 

But oh boy, did Castiel notice _him_. 

"Mr. Kyle," Mills chastises, lightly, "Late again, I see."

         He flushes and Castiel swoons.

"I apologize, Mr. Roman asked me to hang up some posters for the Winter Ball." 

"Alright," Mills says. "But let's not make a habit out of this."

"No ma'am." 

        God, he actually called their teacher _ma'am_. 

Castiel, like a creepy lovesick stalker, watched Zeke take his seat one row over, next to Bela Talbot. 

And even more so like a creepy lovesick stalker, he listened to their conversation.

         "Hey Zeke," Bela flashed her usual winning smile. Castiel refrained from throttling her gorgeous head. "Do anything fun this weekend?"

"I went on some college visits with Mike which was pretty cool," he answered politely.

Bela eyed him with interest and so did Castiel. 

_Who's Mike?_

Thankfully, Bela was wondering the same thing. 

"Oh, Mike's my boyfriend," Zeke replied easily.

         Castiel's stomach dropped.

"Oh, that's so sweet!" Bela gushed, and to be fair, she did sound genuinely happy for him.

"Yeah, we've been dating for a couple of years, so we thought it'd be cool to check out some schools together and try to avoid the whole long distance thing."

         Castiel was nauseous.

Zeke Kyle had a boyfriend? For a couple of _years?_  

How had he missed that very vital piece of information? 

And he and this Mike guy are looking at colleges together? 

God, is he actually one of those high school sweetheart types? 

         Castiel had expected more. 

He'd expected someone as smart as Zeke Kyle to be more skeptical of teenage romance.

He'd expected him to be independent and strong and not allow his choice college to be influenced by so-called love.

He'd expected him to be _available_ and into _him_.

        Shit.

 _He wouldn't be interested in you anyway_ , a voice that sounds eerily like one Dean Winchester taunts. _You're just a fad, not long term relationship material. You don't actually do anything_. 

         Great.

Castiel hadn't even made it to lunch yet and he wanted to spontaneously combust. 

Okay, maybe not, but he definitely didn't want to be at school.

He'd rather go home and binge The Wire.

He just wanted to crawl into bed and eat some ice cream and maybe cry. Just a little.

But most of all, he wanted to erase the word GBF from his memory.

         And things only got worse.

By the time Castiel got home there was talk of negative wind chills and snow.

Castiel guesses the superintendent took pity on their snow day-less weather so far, because he announced classes were cancelled for the next day. 

        Which normally, Castiel would be stoked about. 

But the second the good news was announced Anna bounded into his room, suggesting they head over to some party with Meg and Lisa since there was no school the next day.

Castiel sighs, "Anna, there's supposed to be snow. I don't want to drive in that."

"Oh come on, they're expecting like, maybe two inches, if that!"

"What about homework?"

Anna rolls her eyes, "You'll have all day tomorrow to do it, nerd."

It becomes clear that No is not an answer she'll take easily. "Can't you just find some other ride? I really just want to stay in tonight, okay?"

The second the words left his mouth concern clouds his sister's face. 

"Are you okay?" She soothes, sitting next to him. "You looked down at school today, too. Is this about dad? Or mom?"

"Anna--"

"Talk to me."

"I'm fine," he insists, "I'm just, I'm tired, okay? Seriously. I just don't feel like partying tonight."

          This shuts Anna up as she contemplates, eyeing him speculatively. 

Finally, she gives in.

"Well...okay. But seriously tell me if you ever need to talk. You can't just keep everything to yourself, it's not healthy."

Castiel begins to feel a little bad for causing her guilt, so he opens up a little to ease his conscience. "I found out Zeke has a boyfriend today. Has, for like two years."

         Anna's face softens and she slings an arm around his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Castiel. That stinks. But are you sure you wanna just sit and wallow? We'll buy you coffee. The dessert kind and everything!"

He actually laughs at her earnestness, but remains adamant about staying in.

Though he does make sure she and the others get a ride to their party and sees them off. 

        After closing the door after her, he wanders upstairs to check on his mom, but he can hear her voice from down the hallway. He's about to turn around and write it off as another one of those telemarketers she hates so much, when he hears his name.

      "Think about Anna! Castiel!" She's pleading. Castiel leans against the stair banister and listens. "Don't you think a teenage boy needs his father? Don't you think _we_ need you?"

Castiel reels, shocked to realize his mom was on the phone with dad.

He's shaken to hear the things she's saying; we _need_ him? 

         Truth be told, they've gotten along just fine without dad and Castiel never felt that they needed him or like they were missing anything.

Sure, Castiel missed him sometimes and occasionally wondered what it'd be like to have a normal dad, but those thoughts never made it very far. 

"Charles, please," Mom's voice cracks. Castiel cringes at how desperate she sounds. "Just...come home already."

There's a silence as dad says something on the other line and then mom hangs up. 

        Fuck, they need to get a divorce already. 

It's not like dad's ever home anyway and their marriage had been ebbing long before his travels took over his life. 

Castiel feels he should talk to mom but he wanders back into his bedroom to give her a few moments before talking with her. Once he hears her walk downstairs he heads down after her and finds her in the kitchen.

"Hey mom," he greets, trying to sound a little extra peppy. "You okay?"

She looks up and smiles at him, though she's obviously upset.

"Oh, hey Angel. Your father uh, says hello. From California."

"Wow, far."

There's a pause as mom glances at the clock and her car keys across the counter.  "So do you have any plans tonight?"

"Not really," he replies," I could stay in and we could hang out if you want? Watch TV?"

"Oh, no, that's okay." Mom waves him off, though Castiel wishes she didn't.

        She always gets incredibly sad after talking with dad and especially after they fight.

Castiel wants to help but he doesn't know how. 

        It doesn't help that in the back of his mind, Castiel fears mom might relapse. 

        Years ago she had a bad drug problem, which resulted in violent tendencies and negligence. He remembers Anna and he got sent to live with some distant cousins for a few weeks because of it. 

Anyways, with all of this dad drama weighing her down, Castiel fears mom might revert back to old ways. 

He knows it's probably for nothing, especially since it's been over twelve years, but still. 

        His mom isn't a bad person, he doesn't want her acting like one.

But instead, she just continues to chase him out the door in the name of Having Crazy Teenage Fun, which is code for Leave Me Alone. 

So much for staying in tonight. 

        Castiel grabs a jacket and his keys and texts Anna he's coming to the damn party. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo!! Thank you all for reading this trash! It makes my heart soar!  
> I feel so basic but:  
> Kudos/share/comment<3 that shit is dope(":  
> I literally read and cherish all comments   
> Ily all


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is way more trashy teenage!Cas angst than I'd intended, I'm sorry lmao he's a drama queen

 

The address Anna had texted him led Castiel to a party twice the size of previous ones, though he still managed to find a counter to lean against and sip Coca Cola alone.

         God, why hadn't he just stayed home with mom? Why did he let her push him away like that?

Why didn't he open up to her about his concern for her? About how it'd be a relief if she and dad got a divorce?

         "Hey there,"

Why oh why did Dean Winchester keep sauntering into his fucking life?

Castiel clenches his jaw and he wants to ignore him, but he also knows that Dean Winchester is too much of a jackass to take a hint.

"Leave me alone." He growls, nonetheless hoping, praying that maybe Dean will just listen for once.

"No can do, BF," he clicks his tongue, obnoxiously. "See, I am absolutely determined to get with your bendy friend Lisa."

         Castiel doesn't even have the energy to gag, but he does turn his back on Dean, suddenly too exhausted to keep up his end of the banter.

"Then go talk to _her_."

"Now, that's just not how it works," he says, and Castiel can hear his stupid smirk. "I do  not chase girls."

"Okay."

"Don't worry though. Braeden will be leaving with me in no time." Dean's words travel in one ear and out the other as he spies Anna in the crowd.

         She looks like she's having a fun time, but she's always been a good actress. 

He wonders if she knows just how fucked up mom and dad are. 

If she wishes they'd just end things, too. If she remembers mom's drug problem and living with their cousins and how fucking scary it was.

         If she's worried it might happen again.

"But if you'd stop being so stubborn and actually looked at me like I wasn't a walking hemorrhoid, I'd really appreciate it."

        Anna throws her head back, laughing and Castiel is on the verge of tears.

He recalls her asking if he was okay. He'd never even considered she might not be either.

          God, what kind of shit brother is he?

"Cas? You okay? You're less pissy than usual."

        He watches his sister laugh and dance and have fun without him. 

He suddenly realizes that as much as he wants her to need him; she really doesn't. 

"Cas?"

         He jumps as he feels a hand on his shoulder and is reminded of Dean's presence. He tenses up and refuses to turn and face him. If Dean Winchester sees him cry, that would officially make this the worst day of his pathetic life.

"Please just, leave me alone." Castiel shrugs the hand off. "I'm not in the mood, Dean."

"Cas..."

"I'm serious." He tries to sound strong and authoritative but his voice is audibly shaky and he hates himself for it.

"Are you okay?"

       Not really.

But he can't ruin Anna's night by talking to her about it.

His mom obviously didn't want him home.

He doesn't even want to entertain the idea of contacting his dad.

And Lisa and Meg are awesome, but opening up to them requires explaining so many unexplainables, and he just doesn't have the energy.

He can feel all of this emotion churning inside of him and he knows he needs to let it out; that this "isn't healthy."

          But he doesn't know  _ how_.

Dad's in California.

Mom's going to break.

Anna doesn't need him.

          Nobody needs him.

"Cas, buddy, you okay? You look like you might cry."

That hand is back and it turns him around and he's staring through blurry eyes into earnest green and that hand squeezes his shoulder and--

           Castiel fucks up.

He doesn't even have an excuse, other than the distraction was staring him right in the face. 

Which he knows, isn't much of an excuse but it seemed like a decent outlet in the moment.

           So Castiel kissed Dean Winchester.

One second he was staring at him with some unreadable emotion in his eyes and the next Castiel yanked him closer by the front of his shirt and crushed his lips against his.

For a few short seconds Dean stands still and Castiel's brain catches up with his actions.

           _What the fuck is he doing?_

Dean's frozen under his hands and shit, Castiel is fucking violating him and  _ is he even into guys _ \--

And then soft lips are eagerly moving under his and rough hands grip at his waist and  _ God, yes._

         Dean has a couple of inches on Castiel, but he's able to tangle his hair in his fingers and jerk him closer. He maneuvers Dean against the counter and feels him grunt against his mouth when his back hits the edge, but he doesn't care.

Because Dean is so damn  _ good _ and  _ pliant _ and something that Castiel can  _ control_. 

And it's almost like Dean likes it; like he  _ likes _ being manipulated and handled and it makes Castiel feel needed.

Besides, if having someone else's tongue in his mouth isn't  enough of a distraction from all of his shit emotions, then he doesn't know what is.

        Plus, as much as he hates to admit it, Dean is a  really good kisser.

His lips are so damn soft and those hands know just how to grip his hips and his tongue curls around his with the experience of a porn star and _holy shit_ Castiel suddenly understands all of the hype surrounding Dean Winchester.

        And it's like all of his emotions have drained out of him and Castiel just  _ exists_.

No guilt, no sadness, no frustration.

       And it's  nice.

It's nice to just exist and enjoy how his body and Dean's body move together.

        But then Dean's hands brush against bare skin and he's slipping his fingers into the waistband of Castiel's jeans and reality comes rushing back.

He tears away from the kiss, eyes flying open and panting for air. 

        He's filled with so much anger, at himself for kissing the creep, at Dean for looking so fucking satisfied, at all of the party-goers for continuing with their partying, completely oblivious to how things have changed.

"Wow, Cas," Dean whistles smugly, running his fingers through his hair and allowing his other hand to rest on the small of Castiel's back. "I--"

           Castiel takes two hands and violently shoves Dean away from him. 

"What the  _ hell? " _

"Stay away from me, asshole!" Castiel snaps before making a hasty exit.

           Castiel has never been so ashamed and mad at someone in his entire life as he is with himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Michael Scott voice*  
> IT'S HAPPENING!!  
> lol sorry I'm lame, that's just what I think every time I read a fic and ~tHiNgs~ start happening
> 
> Kudos/share/comments<3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends!  
> This chapter is hella lacking in Dean, so sorry!!! 
> 
> But I do have the next two chapters already written, so they will uploaded soon! (Mainly bc I'm impatient lol)  
> Also thank you SO much for your reads / kind words / kudos, it means the world!! <3  
> ...so yeah, here ya go

 

"Meg? Are you home?"

         "Castiel?"

"Yeah, hey. Where the hell are you?"

"An exotic place called My Bed," she drawls, her voice teasing. "The parentals have been on lockdown since I came home smelling like the naked guy at the rave. Care to join me?"

"I'll be over in five."

"Window's open."

        In that moment, Castiel is extremely grateful that Meg's parents are on the conservative side and she's home, sober.

His mind is still reeling, but not as it was before.

It's like all of the stress about his parents and Anna and labels has been completely overshadowed by an incomparably intense kind of stress over the fact that

        He. Kissed. Dean.

Castiel shoots Anna a quick text that he's headed over to Meg's on the off chance that she notices his absence.

        It takes him a few frustratingly long minutes to start up the Continental, but soon enough he's at the end of Meg's street, parking near a dead end a block away from her actual house.

        Despite Meg being the walking embodiment of acceptance and liberalism, her parents are not so much.

In fact, they're the polar opposite.

        So when they opened their daughter's bedroom door to wish her and her two best gal pals goodnight, only to find a sleeping Castiel also present; and in Meg's bed nonetheless; they freaked.

Explaining that Castiel would never put the moves out on Meg due to his homosexuality only served to exponentially worsen the situation. Unfortunately, some people still think Gay is contagious.

        So, with Castiel now forever banished from the Masters' household, he and Meg devised a foolproof method of entry that involves parking a block away and entering through her second story window.

On the one hand, Castiel's happy that he still gets to hang out with Meg as he did before he was brandished the Anti-Christ, but on the other hand, she just so happens to live in the ritziest neighborhood with the biggest houses in the city and after one block, he's near frozen by the time he ducks into her backyard.

And the ascent from the porch railing to a tree branch to her window is no picnic either, especially with how high up her window is from the ground and the numbness in his fingers.

        As he reaches out to swing himself into the tree that borders Meg's window, Castiel takes a moment to thank his Lord his Savior Jesus Christ that his height has already peaked.

From there he's able to latch onto the edge of the open window and clumsily crash inside, ruddy-cheeked and nose running from the cold.

        Meg simply glances up from her laptop, as she sits comfortably in her bed.

"You know, I was always under the impression that angels were graceful and lithe."

"A common misconception," he grunts, getting to his feet and kicking off his sneakers. "Now shove over, my dicks about to freeze off."

Meg laughs, but opens up her covers invitingly. "I'd be more than happy to warm it up for you, Clarence."

Castiel climbs under the covers and curls up against Meg's side as she continues to scroll on her laptop.

"Look at that, I'm suddenly flaccid."

She lets out an amused snort and they fall into a companionable silence as she continues perusing online and Castiel regains feeling in his appendages.

The second Meg puts away her laptop Castiel grabs her hands and buries them in his hair.

"Okay, what's wrong with you?" Castiel closes his eyes as she begins carding her fingers through his hair and he mumbles incoherently.

Meg continues, "You're being, _how should I put this_ , needy as fuck."

"I am not."

Her hands still in his hair and she shoots him a pointed look.

He matches her gaze until she continues combing through his hair.

"Yes, because it is such a You thing to scale the side of my house for  _ cuddles." _

"I'm  _ cold." _

"Hearted, maybe." She breezes, "Seriously, what's going on with you?"

Castiel sighs and rolls out of her reach, burying his face in her mountain of pillows.

"I 'id unning um."

"One more time in English."

He heaves a sigh and rolls back over, facing her but not meeting her eyes. "I did something dumb."

"I have some spare pregnancy tests you're welcome to."

"Shut up," Castiel rolls his eyes, absentmindedly toying with the sheets. "I kissed someone."

"Scandalous," Meg teases, though there's obvious interest in her voice. "Who's the lucky fellow?"

        There's a pause as Castiel recalls the feeling of Dean's lips against his own and the way his hands felt.

Now that he's no longer with him, he feels...dirty.

His hipbones itch from where Dean touched him and his own mouth feels foreign.

It's like when you think about how your tongue rests inside of your mouth and then it refuses to sit comfortably since you've become aware.

And the worst part is, he has no right to feel violated in any way; he wasn't.

If anything, Dean was.

        Castiel kissed Dean, not the other way around.

If there's anyone he should be disgusted with it's himself.

He feels Meg's eyes on him and he draws in a sharp breath. "I kissed Dean," Castiel confesses. "Dean Winchester."

"Holy shit."

She straightens up, suddenly alert and intrigued.

"Could I get a little elaboration please?"

Castiel flushes.

"I don't know. It just happened."

"Yeah well last I checked you were Team Dean's a Dick, not Team I Want Dean's Dick."

"He  _ is _ a dick," He insists, ignoring the last half of her sentence. "Believe me, I hate him. _A lot_ , actually. He's a total ass."

Meg arches an eyebrow expectantly. "But...?"

"I don't know," Castiel shrugs. And he  doesn't know. "Momentary lapse of judgement? Case of the body snatchers? God, Meg, I just...What the  fuck? "

"You want my honest outside perspective?" Meg falls back against her pillows, folding her hands. He nods. "I'm not really seeing a problem here."

"What?"

"So you kissed someone you hate. I hate most of the guys I make out with," she says. "And if they all looked like Dean Winchester? Hell, I'd do  a lot more."

"Okay, Meg, that's not the point."

"Then what is?"

Castiel gapes. "Uh, I kissed Dean Winchester! And I  _ liked _ it!  A _lot_. But it's not like I have feelings for him, God, no. It's just like... _a physical thing_ ," Castiel struggles to explain. "Doesn't this make me like a slut?"

"Because you acted on basic human nature? Hardly." Meg scoffs."Lots of people have a sex drive, Castiel. It's perfectly normal."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Meg concedes, her features softening. "Now, you spending the night or what?"

"Can I?"

"Obviously," Meg nods, flicking off her overhead light and flopping down further under the covers. She lets out a drawn out sigh. "Goodnight."

Castiel lies in the dark and stares up at the ceiling, thinking about what Meg said.

         Basic human nature. 

 He ponders this notion until he eventually drifts off.

 

         Castiel was relieved to pull into his driveway the next morning to see his mom's car still parked there.

He walks inside and is met with the strong scent of freshly brewed coffee and the sight of his mom sipping from a mug, National Geographic in hand.

She looks up when Castiel walks into the living room and sits beside her.

        "Hey, Angel," she says, searching for a place to set her mug down. Castiel slides a coaster towards her and she shoots him a grateful smile. "Have fun last night?"

"Oh, yeah," he nods a bit too theatrically. "How's work going?"

"Oh, it's going!" She laughs.

        Castiel then listens to his mother's tale of a blasphemous syntactical computer error and what agony it caused her; only for her to realize what a simple fix it had been all along.

As his mom speaks, with whimsical diction and hyperbole, Castiel feels incredibly foolish.

        Had it been just last night that he'd worried his mom might actually relapse? That she'd suddenly turn back to drugs?

Obviously, she and dad were going through a rough patch, but it's nothing she can't handle, clearly.

Not only is she clean, but she's still herself.

        Her sensible, wordy, mom self.

Since Anna was still over at Lisa's Castiel suggested watching a movie.

He mainly just wanted an excuse to hang with his mom and not be alone to wallow in his internalized drama for the rest of the day.

          So for the rest of the afternoon they watch The Breakfast Club, commenting on the different sociological implications throughout.

And Castiel tries and tries to completely forget about the kiss and the taste of Dean Winchester's lips.

           But inevitably, he fails worse than Mr. Vernon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos/share/comment! 
> 
> *hand guns*


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi friends!!  
> It might be a while until the next upload because school and I joined the bowling team lmao. (revising this note and I'm so dumb omg "a while" my ass bitch) 
> 
> But the next chapter is gonna be extra long and Destiel-heavy, promise (ain't that the truth)  
> But for now, enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> You get some Castiel backstory hey hey

 

        When Castiel was in middle school he had one foot in the closet and the other in the grave.

Or so it seemed.

Being a partially-openly-gay boy in middle school was not only confusing for him, but it was also terrifying.

        Especially in the locker room and PE.

He was constantly paranoid about looking at someone the wrong way and getting thrown into a locker.

        Up until rumors about his sexuality began to surface, Castiel had always been spared taunting from his peers due to his knack for athletics.

But the second he didn't outrightly deny that he was gay, the whispers and stares and looks began.

And that's when things started getting bad.

        The atmosphere tensed up whenever he entered the locker room, everyone suddenly making a point to change in a bathroom stall or behind a shower curtain.

On dodgeball days, it's like he became the only target, regardless of whose team he was on.  While he'd previously been the guy captains would fight to have on their team, he was suddenly delegated to the unwanted last pick.

And every sport suddenly became unnecessarily violent. There was shoving and pushing in basketball, kicks to the shins and tripping during soccer, and Castiel even got attacked by shuttlecocks during badminton.

        Then one day during a fateful game of volleyball, Raph Barnes spiked the ball right into Castiel's face, giving him a nasty bloody nose.

Castiel dejectedly exited the gym with the teacher to retrieve an ice pack and a half-assed pep talk, only to return to chaos.

        There was pretty, popular sideline cheerleader Lisa Braeden with Raph Barnes on the floor, digging her knee into his back, screaming:

_ "That's a classified hate crime, you homophobic dick! My dad's a lawyer and he will sue your ass!" _

        Now he's not usually one to advocate for either violence or someone else fighting his battles, but it was pretty hard not to then befriend the girl who turned his middle school life around.

        From then on, Lisa Braeden became one his best friends.

And the crazy thing is, they've remained as close as ever, even with Castiel's unspectacular high school reputation and her glowing status as varsity cheer captain.

She also meshed extremely well with Anna's humanitarian, Bettering-The-World ways and Meg's political agenda.

        All of this is why Castiel couldn't say no to her when she asked him to pick her up from cheerleading practice after school.

It's the least he could do, really.

        So Castiel arrived early and sat in the nearly vacant bleachers, doodling in the margin of his Lit notebook to avoid looking like a pervert.

The tell tale CLOMP of feet against the metal stands neared until Castiel felt the presence of someone in front of him.

He looks down and nearly comes face to face with a bright-eyed Dean.

        Castiel groans and drags a hand over his face.

Dean laughs.

        "Is this how you greet all the boys you like?"

Castiel blanches. "Let's get one thing straight, assbutt, I do not, nor have I ever  _liked_ you."

Dean doesn't even flinch; the words roll right off of his back as he sings,

"Love stinks, yeah yeah,"

His voice is smooth and teasing and most would probably find it either extremely sexy or endearing, but it just serves to make Castiel's skin crawl.

"Can it, Wolf," he snaps, ignoring the quick flash of surprise on Dean's face."If you don't leave me alone I'll--"

        Dean plucks the pencil from Castiel's grasp and gracefully twirls is around in his hand.

"You'll what?" He snickers. "Report me for sexual harassment?"

A look of faux realization captures his features as the pencil comes to a halt in his hand, before Dean taps it against Castiel's hand.

"Oh wait, that' was  _ you_."

        His body betrays him and Castiel blushes, which only fuels Dean's laughter even more.

"Give me back my pencil."

"Mm, I don't know about that," he continues to move it through his fingers, tauntingly. "Could be a weapon in the wrong hands. Like oh, Sprite or well, _a hand_."

        Dean's eyes snap up to Castiel's and a chuckle escapes his lips.

"Which by the way, I'm impressed. I've always pegged you as a peaceful protestor type," he drones. "You know... _ easily disposable_."

        As much as he doesn't want them to, Dean's words strike a chord inside of Castiel. A stupid, oversensitive chord, that Dean Winchester knew exactly how to pluck.         

Castiel snaps his notebook shut and grabs his backpack, slinging it onto one shoulder as he exits the row of bleachers in one hasty motion. He's halfway down the metal stairs when he hears Dean following him.

"Oh come on!" He calls out, "It was a joke!"

        Castiel comes to a sudden halt and whirls around on Dean, who's not one pace behind him.

"I'm not laughing."

        Dean flashes a corny smile.

"You should try it sometime, it'd look good on you."

        At that, Castiel storms away.

If he thought for a fraction of a second he might, due to some weird sexual tension, actually find Dean Winchester tolerable, that slim possibility is completely wiped out.

"Cas, buddy!" Dean easily keeps up with Castiel. "You know, a lot of people think I'm _adorable_."

"I'm glad to see they're not letting their education hinder their ignorance."

        Dean laughs.

Castiel steps down from the bleachers and onto the edge of the football field, checking his phone for the time as Lisa barks out orders at the team.

"Hey, so--"

"Are you actually still talking to me?" Castiel laughs bitterly.

        Dean plows on.

"What was wrong?" He asks. "You know, the other night when you were groping me."

"I wasn't--"

        Dean winks at him and it shouldn't be so infuriating, but it is.

"Why are you even here?" Castiel demands. "What, are you following me?"

"And people say _I'm_ conceited," Dean scoffs. "I'm picking up my brother from Coding Club. I parked over there and he doesn't like when I go in to pick him up, something about being 'too distracting.' Anyway, saw you over here and thought I'd come and--"

"And what?" Castiel challenges. "Ruin my day? Don't worry, you've already ruined it and pretty much every one in the near and distant future, so you can go."

"And how exactly have I ruined your near and distant future?"

        Castiel clenches his jaw and refuses to answer.

Why give the creep the satisfaction of knowing that his dumb little acronym is actually messing with him? That his sense of self worth has plummeted since talking with Dean at Garth's?

        Dean doesn't deserve that satisfaction.

The cheer team disperses from their perfect formation and head for their bags and water bottles, and Castiel breathes out a sigh of relief. He immediately ditches Dean and heads over to Lisa, just about dragging her off of the field and to his car.

        "You okay, C?" Lisa asks, piling her things into the back of his car. "You seem grouchy. And did my eyes deceive me, or was that Dean Winchester you were talking to?"

" _He_ was talking to _me_ ," Castiel grumbles.

"O-kay," Lisa shrugs it off. "Did he happen to let you know who he's taking to the Winter Ball? Because I heard from Bela Talbot that..."

        He feels a little bad about it, but Castiel tunes his friend out and focuses on driving.

"--Hello? Were you even listening?"

"What?"

Lisa rolls her eyes. "Meg wants to come to our Girls' Night next Friday," Castiel recalls their plans for the night of the Winter Ball. "You should ask Anna if she wants to come, too. Unless she has a date or something, of course."

"Yeah, no, I'll ask her," he nods.

"Great!" Lisa beams. "God, I'm so excited. This is going to be so much better because..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love love-hate


	6. Chapter 6

 

        The night the Winter Ball rolls around Castiel is ready, armed with snacks and DVD's.

"Anna! Come on!" He calls upstairs, shouldering the old backpack he'd filled with movie night provisions.

"Coming!"

        She comes bounding down the stairs in a pair of flannel PJ bottoms and an oversized AC/DC shirt.

"Is that my shirt?" He asks.

"What?" Anna gasps. "No..."  She makes a hasty exit out the front door and Castiel follows her, shaking his head.

"We've been over this! Don't wear my clothes without telling me!" Castiel yells, but he was laughing.

He's been looking forward to kicking back all week. H e needs a good time, especially after sixth period Lit earlier that day.

 

        "Fascinating, hm?" Mrs. Hanscum sighed, setting down the print out of Elizabeth Bishop's  _ One Art_. "Now as you all know this is just one of the texts we've analyzed throughout the unit," she continued. "And for the unit project you will select a text of your choice and write an in depth analysis."

        The class let out a collective groan.

"I will be allowing a lot of freedom with this assignment," Hanscum insisted. "Analyze and interpret however you want! But I expect that these papers are extremely thorough and well organized."

        Castiel began to look over the list of unit texts, narrowing down his choice to  Harrison Bergeronand the poem  _My Papa's Waltz_.

He snapped out of his mental planning when Mrs. Hanscum announced,

"This is a partner project--!" 

The rest of the class turned to each other and began choosing their partners, excitedly.

"--But I will be assigning the pairs!"

The excitement fizzled out, but Castiel breathed a sigh of relief.  He'd already mentally mapped out a report for both texts and given who's in his class, his partner shouldn't be too upset with him taking the reins on this assignment.

He waited patiently for his partner to be announced, but was completely thrown when Mrs. Hanscum called it out.

        "--Castiel Milton and Dean Winchester,"

Shit.

        Castiel had been able to easily and successfully avoid Dean Winchester's existence since their interaction in the bleachers, thanks to sharing just one class and assigned seating. And now that  whole avoidance thing is absolute shit, all because of one assignment.

"I expect both partners contribute to this assignment equally, and trust me! _I_ _ will _ _know otherwise_ ," Hanscum declares. "Now make arrangements with your partner and be creative! This is a _fun_ assignment so don't be afraid to have fun while writing it!"

         Unlikely.

The bell rang and Castiel sprinted for the door. He knew he was being childish by avoiding Dean, but frankly, he didn't care.

        As he distanced himself more and more from the classroom, he began to relax.  He arrived at his locker and spun in his combo. He opened his locker and was in the process of putting away some textbooks when a hand suddenly clamped down on his shoulder.

         "Howdy, partner."

Castiel jumped, banging his arm against the metal door of the locker and turned to face an entertained looking Dean, with an elbow propped against the locker next to his.

"You didn't just say that." Castiel recovered, lamely.

"What? We're partners," Dean grinned. " _ Partner._"

Castiel grumbled, "Unfortunately."  That stupid smile refused to leave Dean's face.

"So, my place or yours?" 

He leaned in too close for Castiel's taste but,  God, even up close the guy's good looking.

        Castiel hates him for it.

"Can't we just do it online or something?" Castiel sighed, grabbing his jacket from inside of his locker.

"Nope," Dean shook his head, vigorously. "See, unlike you, I'm not about to half ass this assignment."

Castiel snorted. "Fine, but we're--"

        "Dean!"

Both boys looked up to see a pretty brunette in a low-cut top headed their way. She proceeded to throw herself at him, fitting herself easily underneath his arm as she stared up at him with sultry eyes.

"You're gonna save me a dance at the Winter Ball, right?" She purred.

"'Course, sweetheart," Dean grinned.

         _Sweetheart?_

        Could he get any more nauseating?

Dean ran a hand down the small of her back and let it rest just a hair above the girl's ass.

        Apparently.

"Can't wait." She tossed a flirtatious wink over her shoulder as she waltzed away and Castiel felt as if he'd just been transported into a sickening early 2000's tween movie.

"Sorry 'bout that," Dean chuckled, though he hardly sounded it.

"Let's just meet at my house tomorrow. Three o'clock." Castiel grumbled. "Call me before you come over."

        He slammed his locker shut after that and left before Dean had a chance to respond.

Castiel met up with Lisa, Meg and Anna by the exits near the student parking lot, and together they walked to his car, exchanging banter and reminders about the night's movie marathon.

"Alright, I have to hit the store before tonight for some Jiffy Pop and SnowCaps. Any other requests?" Lisa asked, regarding tonight's snacks.

"Oh! Get those little sorbet cups you had at your birthday last year," Anna chimed in, excitedly.

"I'm already bringing ice cream and frozen yogurt," Meg said. "I think we're set."

        Castiel laughed as they piled into his car and he felt this release of tension in his chest that he hadn't known was there.

"Aw, look!" Lisa chimed from the backseat, undoubtedly scrolling through her phone. "Bela was nominated for Winter Ball queen!"

"I mean, obviously, she's gorgeous," Anna sighed. "Who's she up against?"

"Not sure," the sound of Lisa's fingers tapping away at her phone filled the air. "Sarah, probably?"

"Oh, there's gonna be a cat fight tonight." Meg let out a low whistle.

"You think?"

"For sure," Anna affirmed. "Especially since they're both totally into Dean Winchester."

        Castiel gripped the steering wheel tightly.

Lisa's voice rose on speculation. "What? Isn't Bela dating a guy from KU?"

"I hope not," Anna sang. "Rumor has it they fooled around at Garth's last week."

"Dean and Bela? They slept together?" Meg's voice is unreadable, but Castiel has a pretty good idea of who she's looking at and what she's thinking.

"Probably," Lisa sighed.

        Castiel caught Meg's eye in the mirror and cleared his throat. "Dean sleeps with everyone." He declared, lamely.

"Sorry, Clarence," Meg responded and Castiel knew he was outed.

"Why're you sorry?" Anna asked.

        When neither Meg nor Castiel jumped to answer, Lisa pounced on them, too.

"Guys...What don't we know?"

"Uh, nothing." Meg said just as Castiel admitted "I kissed Dean."

" _You kissed Dean?"_ Anna and Lisa shrieked, excitedly.

"Oh my _GOD_ , C!" Lisa leaned forward from the backseat to gauge Castiel's reaction. "What was it like?"

"What happened?"

"Was there tongue?"

"Gross, Lisa, he's my _brother!"_

"I'm  _ curious_."

"Are you like, dating?"

"Dean Winchester doesn't date, okay," Castiel states in monotone. "He only fucks. That's like a fact."

"You would know," Lisa teased.

"Shut up."

"You're not denying it!" 

        Their Dean-centric banter carried on until Castiel dropped the girls off at their respective houses, with promises of seeing each other that night and keeping tabs on Winter Ball gossip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friends!  
> The next chapter!!!  
> I'M SO EXCITED TO POST!!!  
> It was super fun to write and I'm probably gonna upload it very soon because ~sTufF~ (by stuff I mean sex so if u didn't already know this story literally revolves around gay sex and if that makes u uncomfy maybe exit the building now) starts happening and I'm EXCITED FOR YOU ALL TO READ IT.  
> share/kudos/leave a comment below<3 (I obsessively check my inbox ok I need help) <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is DESTIEL as FUCK.  
> (Wow!! DESTIEL in a DESTIEL fanfic??? who'd a thought?) 
> 
> Anyway this was so much fun to write omg  
> But triggers possibly? Mentions of drug abuse / usage / sex yo

 

       After spending the night laughing and watching movies with everyone, Castiel realized that he really couldn't care less if he's the GBF.

In fact, being the GBF comes with some real perks.  For example,

  1. Close knit friends who don't judge him, no matter how many Doritos he eats
  2. Advice on how to style his rats nest of hair
  3. Being able to declare something like, _"_ _James McAvoy is so hot I want to lick his abs_ _"_ and being met with resounding _"Same"'s_ rather than judgement
  4. Temporary salvation from the harsh reality of family drama



Unfortunately, Perk #4 is yanked from Castiel's grasp the second he steps foot back home.

        Anna was still crashed out on Lisa's couch despite it being well past two o'clock; nobody had gotten much sleep at their sleepover if Castiel's being honest. But Anna would be out for at least another two hours and he wanted to get home and check on their mom.

        Castiel was expecting to come home to his mom cooking some breakfast, or maybe watching the news or reading a new novel. He'd expected a quiet house, perhaps, as she worked away in the study. 

He was not expecting to come  home to an upturned coffee table, shattered glass, and scattered papers.

        He instantly knew something was very wrong.

Castiel entered the living room slowly, thinking maybe, possibly this wasn't so bad. Maybe, possibly this didn't mean anything. Maybe, possibly there was a simple explanation. Maybe, possibly this was some sort of B&E that could be easily resolved with a simple phone call.

        But when he walked into the kitchen and laid his eyes on the empty pill bottles scattered across the countertop, he knew otherwise.

He sprinted upstairs on autopilot and burst into his mom's bedroom, only to find her passed out on the bed, mouth slightly agape. His very limited health class Red Cross instincts kicked in and he checked her pulse, closing his eyes with absolute relief to feel it beating beneath his fingertips.

He rolled her over onto her back and spread a blanket over her body before heading back downstairs to assess the damage.

         Glass crunched underneath his shoes on the carpet and hardwood. Magazines, throw pillows and broken picture frames were strewn across the room and there were stray pills and capsules on the ground.

        Sighing, Castiel retrieved the vacuum from the hall closet and went about cleaning away the broken glass.

While he watched the glass shards disappear, he was emotionless.  While he turned the coffee table right side up and picked up broken picture frames off of the ground, he was emotionless.  While he went about, _literally cleaning up his mom's mess_ , he was emotionless.

He knows he shouldn't be; in fact, he should be flipping the fuck out.

His mom just relapsed, for crying out loud. After _years._ That's kind of a huge fucking deal.

But truthfully, Castiel doesn't know _how_ to react.

Should he be relieved? I mean, this has been a long time coming. It's kind of always felt like he was just waiting for something bad to happen, especially with dad's increasingly frequent absences.

And well, now it has.

Hell, he basically  _asked _ for this. 

        He tries not to reflect on what a piss-poor excuse of a son he is.

Maybe he should be disappointed. That would be a reasonable emotion to feel in this situation. Disappointed in his mom for relapsing. Disappointed that he was the one to discover it.

But he finds that he isn't disappointed either. 

        He's just numb.  And confused.

Confused about what brought this on, for one thing. What was the straw to break the camel's back?

         As he sifts through the crumpled papers on the ground, he gets his answer, loud and clear.

A manila envelope stamped by US Postal was torn in half and next to it, d ivorce papers.

Signed Charles Milton at the bottom of the paper.

Castiel is suddenly crushed with clarification. 

         This is his dad's fault.

This is all dad's fault. Mom's relapse is on him. She wouldn't have been clean for years if she _wanted_ to relapse.

But news like this?

_Of course_ this would send her over the edge.

Castiel wonders whether his dad even bothered to contact his mom about the divorce or if he just  happily mailed away the papers, heeding no caution whatsoever. He strongly  suspects the latter and suddenly he's _livid._

        Fuck him.

Castiel doesn't even care what a teenage cliche he is right now, because what kind of father fucking ghosts his own family, only to say goodbye through the postal system?

A shitty one, that's what.

        As Castiel fills a trash bag with broken picture frames and pieces, he comes to the realization that he hates his dad.

Fuck him for never being around.  Fuck him for not saying goodbye or giving any warning.  Fuck him for not trying harder.  Fuck him for not being a dad.

Castiel just reentered the house from taking out the trash when the home phone began to ring. He scrambled to answer it before it could wake up his mom.

"Hello?"

"Howdy, partner."

        _Shit._

Oh holy fucking shit.

Castiel completely forgot about working on the Lit assignment with Dean.

"It's almost three, so I'm about to head over--?"

"No!" Castiel panics. How the hell was he going to explain Mommy Comatose and the empty prescriptions? "Let's write it at your house. I'll be over in five."

He hangs up before Dean has the chance to reply.

 

Castiel was suddenly grateful that Meg lived in the same fancy gated community as Dean, despite its manicured hedges  and houses so big you could probably fit yours in its living room.

     His familiarity with Meg's neighborhood is the only way Castiel is able to figure out find where Dean lives. 

The McMansion stands in the corner of a cul-de-sac, intimidating as all get out, but he's too anxious about pill bottles and manila envelopes to get all jittery. 

He pulls into the looped driveway, his Lincoln sticking out like a sore thumb among expensive looking muscle cars.

        Dean meets Castiel at the front door, his arms folded across his chest and a cocky grin on his face. He's wearing a well worn Led Zeppelin T-shirt and Castiel refrains from complimenting it. "Hey, BF."

         Castiel wonders if Dean knows how much the nickname actually bothers him as he lets him inside.

He awkwardly kicks off his shoes, feeling completely out of place in his bleach-stained hoodie.  The ceilings are high, the staircase is grand, and there's an actual chandelier looking thing.

        Castiel's suddenly very grateful he didn't have Dean come over to his modest home.

"Alright, let's get this thing written!" Dean exclaims, heading up the staircase.

"Do your parents want to like, meet me or something?" Castiel asks lamely.

        It suddenly sounds like a stupid question to ask, but usually he's greeted enthusiastically by the parents of friends or classmates. And it feels a little bit rude not to introduce himself.

"They're not home." Dean replies, shortly.

"What about your brother?"

"Politics Club," Dean says from the top of the staircase, looking down at him. "You comin'?"

        Castiel reluctantly follows Dean upstairs and into his bedroom.

It's expectantly huge, but unexpectedly clean. The only things less than immaculate are his unmade bed and a few misplaced CD's next to a stereo, which plays some soft music that Castiel doesn't recognize.

Most impressive is an ornate bookcase which takes up an entire wall, overflowing with books.

         Books on books on books.

Authors from Rowling to Orwell, Plath to Patterson, King to Kipling.

Castiel hesitantly touches the cracked spine of The Jungle Book.

         Rudyard Kipling was one of his mom's favorite authors. He remembers how she'd read The Jungle Book to Anna and him as children to get them to sleep.

"Okay!" Dean walks over to his desk and sits down, sorting through some papers. "I was hoping we could do the Roethke poem,"

"Yeah," Castiel snaps out of his thoughts.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a _huge_ Vonnegut guy. But Bergeron seem a little too...dry for a whole report, you know?"

"Sounds good."

Dean grins and pulls out a second chair, gesturing for Castiel to sit. He wonders if Dean always keeps two chairs in his room or if he'd been considerate and brought it in for him.

         For some reason the thought makes him smile.

"Great! So, maybe we could do a break down of the abusive relationship?" Dean explains, leaning towards Castiel as they both look at a print out of the poem. "Like a psycho-analysis of the narrator. Explain his love, despite the abuse. And maybe tie it into how he idolizes his father. I mean, he refers to their interactions as a  _ waltz." _

"Okay," Castiel considers. "But the waltz in the poem has dozens of different interpretations, too. I for one, interpret it from a musical perspective,"

         Dean looks at him, curiously.

"You know, a waltz is in counts of three?  _ One_ _,_ two three... _ one_ _,_ two three...The poem is structured in the same way. And waltzes in film are typically played during scenes when someone's avoiding a central conflict."

His voice catches slightly on the few last words.

         _Avoiding a central conflict._

Castiel wishes it was that simple. 

That he could just turn on a song and ignore his problems; _h_ _is central conflict._

"Oh, wow." Dean arches an eyebrow. "Yeah, shit. I didn't even notice that." He scribbles something down on the paper. "Okay, what else?"

"Well, this entire poem is up for interpretation." Castiel goes on. "A lot of people see what you did; a tale of a child desperate for any kind of relationship with his father, even if it's abusive. But I think there's more to it than that."

"Well...its interpreted that way because it's obvious," Dean defends. "I mean, poets use certain words for a reason. C'mon, Cas, _ 'whiskey', 'battered', 'beat.' _ There's definite violence and substance abuse."

_          Violence. Substance abuse. _

Castiel barely hears the rest of Dean's argument and instead stares at the words in front of him.

         They begin to seem all too real.

"Cas?"

"Hm?" He snaps out of his thoughts and tries to focus on the task at hand. "Uh, yeah. Let's just go with yours."

         Dean looks a little disappointed but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he continues to talk about their paper and the dumb poem.

The dumb poem about family problems and desperation. The dumb poem about being useless.The dumb poem that is hitting all of Castiel's weak spots when he would do  _ anything _ not to think about what's waiting for him at home.

"...I figure most people are gonna take it stanza by stanza, but I wanna be a little different. We could organize the paper thematically?"

Dean turns to face him.

         Those green eyes are focused on him and up close like this Castiel recalls a night when he'd easily forgotten about nagging emotions. He recalls how he'd found a way to push away crushing reality and allow his body to take over.

He recalls how intoxicating the temporary relief was.

"Whatcha think, Cas--?"

         Castiel closes the short distance between them, familiarizing his lips with Dean's once again.

It doesn't take Dean as long as the last time to react; his hands are on Castiel in seconds and he pulls him closer and into his lap.

Castiel straddles Dean, their lips refusing to break apart. He feels his hoodie being shoved from his shoulders and the thoughts that had clouded his mind so heavily before are quickly disintegrating. Dean's hands trace across his sides and he drags his teeth across Castiel's bottom lip, coaxing a low groan from his mouth.

And when Dean's hands travel up the inside of his shirt, across bare skin, all non-Dean Winchester related thoughts fly out the window.

And when Dean's fingers graze the waistband of his jeans Castiel is fully aware this time.

         He pulls away, panting.

Dean's eyes are huge. His lips are shiny and swollen and his hair is sticking up. "Please don't punch me."

         In response, Castiel just stands up and yanks off his shirt.

Dean's eyes grow even wider, if that's at all possible.

"Take off your shirt." Castiel says.

Dean does as he's told and waits for him to tell him what to do next.

         Castiel sort of loves it.

He leans down and pulls Dean in for another searing kiss, yanking him to his feet. He walks them to Dean's bed, exploring the expanse of new skin. His hands drift from Dean's waist to his shoulders to his back. 

        God, he has a nice body. 

Castiel pushes Dean down onto the bed and leans in to kiss him again, but Dean pulls away, panting. " We should really finish the paper," He says slowly, his chest heaving and his eyes searching his.

        He's giving him an out.

A chance for Castiel to stop things and save himself the grief and embarrassment. 

         But Castiel wants this. 

Hell, he  _ needs _ this. He needs that euphoric distraction Dean had been able to give him. He needs Dean to help him forget.

So instead he climbs on top of Dean, pushing him back onto the bed and hovers over him, grinding his hips down and into his. Dean lets out a whine that Castiel is shocked just came from the mouth of Dean Winchester, and he kisses his neck, determined to hear it again. When his teeth scrape the skin behind his ear, Dean tangles his fingers in his hair and pulls sharply, letting out a low moan. 

         And Castiel pulls down the zipper of Dean's jeans, kissing down his stomach and across his hips, as he and Dean begin this dangerous waltz. 


	8. Chapter 8

 

        Castiel was only fourteen when he lost his virginity to Balthazar Seb.

He'd just turned eighteen and while Castiel knew he was probably too old for him, he didn't care.

As a freshman in high school, going out with a cute guy who had his own car and dating experience was like hitting the fricken lotto; and Castiel couldn't have been more excited. 

         But that ship sank worse than the Titanic.

In the five months they went out, Balthazar never took him on a real date.

Occasionally they'd sneak out past midnight to make out in the park or in some empty building--which looking back, was incredibly stupid and grossly unhygienic. But at the time it just felt sexy and mysterious.

        That's how their whole relationship felt, really; it was all so secretive, but it was new and exciting and Castiel never thought that Balthazar would hurt him.

That notion was also incredibly misguided and blatantly wrong. 

        In those five months, however, they hooked up.  Actually, they slept together quite  a few times, but Castiel wasn't too crazy about if he's being honest.

The experience was always painful or incredibly uncomfortable. He endured it however, because he loved the intimacy of the act.  To Castiel the sex wasn't about pleasure or just getting off, but about being close to someone; the feeling of loving and being loved.

        But sex with Dean Winchester?

The total opposite.

Though there was definitely more physical pleasure with Dean, it came with the price of a strong guilt itching beneath Castiel's skin.

        What he just did was bad. Shameful.

And yet...he feels okay.

Dirty? For sure. Bu t at ease? Yes.

"Wow," Dean lets out a light chuckle, folding an arm behind his head and turning to glance at Castiel. "I promise, I was not expecting that when you came over."

"Shut up." Castiel sighs as he sits up, the sheets pooling around his hips. He runs a hand through his hair, not even wanting to consider how well fucked he looks right now. He avoids looking at Dean as he leans over the edge of the bed and looks for his clothes.

"What?" Dean defends. "Just sayin' I didn't think anything like that would ever happen,"

Castiel scoffs, more annoyed with himself than Dean as the realization of what just happened begins to settle in. "What? Ashamed you fucked the GBF?"

"No." Dean answers, his voice hard. Castiel is taken aback by the intensity and seriousness of his tone, but Dean doesn't elaborate.  Castiel ignores the brief silence and slides out of the bed, picking his clothes up from the floor. He's tugging on his shirt when Dean speaks up again. " I was just beginning to think you actually hated me."

"Oh, I do." Castiel answers without missing a beat.

"Already forget how we spent the last forty-five minutes?" Dean smirks, propping himself up on an elbow. "I could jog your memory, if you'd like."

"As if you lasted that long," Castiel snorts. "Look, this changes nothing. I do not _like_ you. I used you, okay?"

"Gee don't sugarcoat it, Cas,"

"Hey, you use people all the time," he points out, buttoning his jeans and finally turns to face Dean. "I'm sure you understand."

"Touché."

"But if you tell anyone," Castiel warns, "I will end you."

Dean shoots him a pointed look. "You see me parading around with around a pride flag? Don't think so."  The familiarity of a secret relationship aches inside his chest but Castiel ignores it. "Believe me, Cas, I don't want this getting out either," Dean goes on. "My dad would skin me alive if he knew I screwed guys."

        The confession takes Castiel by surprise and he even though he's not in the Dean Winchester fan club, he feels obliged to say something about how coming out is always hard. But Dean interrupts him before he can comment.

"So, let's get this essay started," he clears his throat as he begins to get dressed.

 

        It's well past seven by the time Dean and Castiel finish their paper. Or, a rough draft of their paper.

Castiel made Dean email him what they had so he could go home and edit it later.

"Don't trust me to get the work done, huh?" Dean teases, as he walks Castiel to his front door.

"To be fair, I don't trust you with anything." Castiel says.

"Except for making you cum." He grins wickedly. Castiel wants to slap him. "So, was this a smash and dash type thing or will I be seeing you again?"

        Castiel is about to laugh and tell Dean that he's deluded if he honestly thinks Castiel will be back--but then he remembers what's waiting for him at home.  There is a good chance his mom is still passed out in bed and those divorce papers are where he'd left them. And if Anna came home early... _God._

"Cas?" Dean asks, leaning in. "Are you okay?"

Castiel jerks away from him and hastily exits his house, before turning around halfway down the walkway and pathetically informing Dean,

"I might be back."

        He tells himself he's just keeping his options open.

"Cas, hey, wait up,"

Castiel continues walking to his car, wrapping his arms around himself to preserve his body heat against the biting cold. He opens up his car door and is about to slide into the front seat, when he spies Dean heading towards him in his peripheral.

"What?" He groans, as Dean walks around to stand in front of him. He's in just his T-shirt and jeans and his feet are fucking bare, but he seems totally unfazed, if not for the red tint in his cheeks.

        He leans down so he and Castiel are at eye level with one another and the way he's looking at him makes Castiel really uncomfortable.

"You never answered my question."

"Yes, I did," he sighs, exasperated. "I said, I might be back--"

"No," Dean interrupts, sourly. "The other question."

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

Castiel glares at him, waiting for him to crack and show what it is he's playing at. But he doesn't. He just keeps on looking into his eyes with all of this emotion that Castiel can't discern and it makes him hesitate.

        Finally, Castiel responds.

"That doesn't really matter."

He slides into his car and shuts the door, quickly pulling out of Dean's driveway before he has the chance to say another word.

When he arrives home his mom is still asleep in her room and a quick text lets him know that Anna is still at Lisa's.  Castiel finishes tidying up the mess of papers and stows away the emptied prescriptions, before heading upstairs to shower.

The hot water doesn't do much in the way of washing away the griminess he feels for sleeping with Dean, but it does relax him a little bit. Castiel is in the middle of getting dressed when his phone started ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey, C!" Lisa chirps from the other side. "You all done with Dean?"

        His heart stops.

Does she know? How can she know? He only just got home!

"Uh, what?"

"With the English paper...?" She reminds him, her voice light. "You were working on it with him this weekend, right?"

"Oh!" Absolute relief floods his body. "Yeah! Yeah, all good. Pretty much done." That relief is immediately replaced with red hot guilt. He knows he's not technically _lying_ to Lisa, but withholding information feels just as bad if not worse.

Lisa hangs up pretty quickly after that, resolving that she just wanted to check in, and Castiel flops onto his bed face first.

He needs to tell them; especially Anna.

About his parents.

About...Dean?

God, Dean.

What's he supposed to say? 

_Hey, guys, by the way Dean Winchester and I fucked but don't worry, it was only to avoid dealing with my emotions in a constructive way and I plan to do it again in the near future._

Yeah, they are not finding out about Dean.

Castiel curls up on his bed and stares at the ceiling, his mind surprisingly clear. He hates how he has Dean Winchester to thank for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tempted to write a version of this story from Dean's point of view, just 'cause he's such an obviously lovesick sweetheart who only knows how to express his emotions through dicking around.  
> ugh lol.  
> (Update: I am planning on writing a prequel / spin off from Dean's POV so lol yeah!) 
> 
> kudos/comments/share<3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating on mobile so sorry  
> if anything looks gross.  
> TRIGGER  
> Brief use of a derogatory / homophobic term :(  
> But this chapter is sorta long and Destiel af so :)

        Castiel's mom didn't move from her bedroom for the rest of the weekend.

He tried bringing her food and talking to her, but she wasn't having it. It's clear the divorce has taken a huge toll on her and if he's being totally honest, Castiel is scared.

        He's never really seen his mom like this; sure she got sad sometimes about dad being gone but this was full blown depression.

He channeled his energy however, into keeping Anna in the dark and avoiding thoughts of the divorce and his mom.

Which was surprisingly and horrifically easy, because lately his mind has been swamped with thoughts of Dean.

        Weird, right?

Basically Castiel was at a loss of how this whole thing would play out at school. I mean, how exactly are you supposed to treat a one-day stand?

He knows that typically you're not supposed to see them again, but unfortunately he's not that lucky.

        So he spends Sunday contemplating his choices.

Should he go on ignoring him? Should he be friendlier? Is Castiel now indebted to Dean by some weird unspoken law?

Surely, Dean got just as much out of their tryst as he did. It's not like he _owes_ him anything.

        Right?

By the time school rolls around Monday morning Castiel has decided to do what he does best; ignore the problem altogether.

        But doing so isn't nearly as easy as he'd thought it'd be.

His mind can't seem to focus on anything but the possibility of running into Dean. He's turned into a paranoid mad man, constantly scanning the halls for the familiar face and jumping at every voice, thinking it's Dean's.

"Okay, Castiel," Anna sighs, finally fed up with his jumpiness as they walk to lunch. "What is wrong with you?"

He watches the crowds of students rushing to the cafeteria, sure he saw Dean in there somewhere. "Who? What, me?" He asks, distractedly. He spies a familiar looking head of hair and grabs Anna, hauling her in the opposite direction. He cannot risk any awkward post-hookup conversations, especially in front of his sister. "I'm fine."

"O-kay..." she trails off, clearly unconvinced. Castiel looks at her and it's clear something is weighing heavily on her mind, too. "So, um, listen," she starts.

        Oh God, what if she somehow already knows?

Or catastrophically worse, what if she found out about the divorce?

He's sure he can hear his heart pounding in his chest and he wants to shake the words out of Anna.

"Bad news," she sighs. These words do nothing to ease Castiel's anxiety. "First hour I got the list of the alumni coming back for the Career Fair."

        Okay, not what Castiel was expecting to hear.

Anna fidgets nervously as she continues.

"Balthazar Seb is on it."

        Castiel freezes at her words.

Definitely not what he'd been expecting to hear at all, yet somehow infinitely worse. Because amidst all of the shit that's going on in his life, he just needs the ex that broke his heart to be back.

        Perfect.

His life is officially an episode of One Tree Hill.

"Oh," he says, dumbly, because well, what the fuck do you say to that? "Okay."

Anna doesn't look finished though and Castiel wonders just how much worse things can get.

"Since I'm on the executive board for the Career Fair I have to host a dinner with the alumni to finish planning and working out details."

        Okay, yeah, that's definite nausea he's feeling.

His sister having dinner with Balthazar.

At their house, nonetheless?

He doesn't know if he wants to crumple to the ground in a heap of unresolved anxiety or scream at the top of his lungs for everything that dick did to him.

Regardless, he simply says,

"Okay, that's fine."

The grin on Anna's face informs him that that was the right thing to say and she begins chattering excitedly about her plans for the Career Fair. But Castiel finds it impossible to focus on what she's saying and is relieved when she says they should get to lunch.

"Yeah, go ahead. I need to run to my locker,"

"Okay, see you!"

The second Anna's red hair disappears around the corner of the hallway he sprints for the nearest bathroom and locks himself in a stall.

_Don't hyperventilate, don't hyperventilate._

Castiel can't suck in air fast enough as memories he's tried to forget for so long come rushing back at full force.

 _"Castiel? What kind of name is that?"_  
_"What? Who are you?"_  
_"Who am I?" She laughed bitterly. "Try Balthazar's girlfriend, fag."_  
_"That's weird, seeing that I'm his boyfriend."_  
_"We've been dating for two years. Ask anybody. As far as I know, nobody knows anything about you. You're just the rent boy. And I advise that you stay the hell away from my boyfriend."_

Castiel presses the palms of his hands into his eyes and draws in a deep breath, trying to chase away the jittery panic.

He exits the stall, relieved that the bathroom's still empty and splashes water on his face.

"Get your shit together." He snaps at his reflection.

 

        Having decided that skipping lunch probably wasn't the best thing for his nerves, Castiel reluctantly joins his regular lunch table and forces himself to nibble at his food.

As usual, Bela Talbot is sitting across from where he sits, currently showing off a pair of new diamond earrings her father got her.

"Ooh!" Lisa gushes, reaching out to finger them gingerly. "What's the occasion?"

Bela shrugs, preening. "Just because. It's one of the perks of divorced parents, they always compete for your love."

Meg scoffs and Castiel wants to hug her. "Don't glorify something like that, Bela."

"Yeah," Anna speaks up. "I mean, I would _hate_ if my parents were divorced."

        Castiel can feel the blood rush to his face and he suddenly can't endure another bite of food.

Thankfully the conversation quickly changes and Castiel easily tunes out the word of Bela Talbot's Winter Ball misfortunes as he deals with his inner turmoil.

        Until she says something that catches his full attention.

"...and then Dean and I...you know," she breaks off into a fit of sly giggles.

"No!" Anna gasps, scandalized.

"We just fooled around a little bit, I swear!" She laughs, though he fluttering eyes suggest otherwise.

"Dean...Winchester?" Castiel speaks up for the first time.

Bela nods as a huge smile engulfs her features, as she's clearly proud of this "accomplishment." Too bad 75% of the school has accomplished the exact same thing.

_Including him._

"The one and only," she sighs, as if recalling her affair. "After the dance he walked me out to the parking lot and we messed around in his car. I had to get home before anything really fun happened though, sucks right?"

"Yeah," Castiel says, absentmindedly searching the cafeteria.

His eyes land on the perfectly chiseled profile of Dean and he's filled with strong emotion that he can't place.

        He's not mad. He can't be mad at Bela for fooling around with him, or even Dean. It was bound to happen, he's Dean fucking Winchester; sex is what he does. Hell, it's what he _is._

But the fact it was the night before they hooked up? Man, he knew Dean wasn't classy but come on, that's cheap.

Meg's eyes snap to Castiel's with concern as he stands up abruptly, his mind set.

"Clarence..."

"I have to go talk to Dean," he doesn't even hear the words leave his mouth. "About our English paper."

He strides purposefully across the cafeteria towards Dean's lunch table; a strange combination of pretty senior girls, naturally, and underclassmen. Dean's laughing loudly at something a pretty blonde was saying and Castiel hesitates.

        Clearly people like him don't usually just walk up to people like Dean.

He's second guessing his motives and is about to turn around and leave when the girl talking notices him. Soon enough the entire table is turned to him, expectant, including Dean.

Castiel tries to focus on him and ignore the searing stares of everyone else.

"I have to talk to you about our English paper."

Dean lets out an exasperated sigh and rolls his eyes. "Can't this wait?"

        Castiel's stomach churns with irritation. His friends chuckle as if in on some inside joke and Castiel feels his resolve begin to crumble, but he plows on.

"No. Unlike you, I'm not about to half ass this assignment." He recites, using Dean's own words against him. Dean arches an eyebrow and finally looks at Castiel, before getting to his feet.

"Sorry guys, I gotta bounce," Dean says, shouldering his backpack. "I'll see you all tomorrow." He tosses a wink over his shoulder and Castiel hurries out of the cafeteria, not even looking to see if Dean's following. Dean catches up with him halfway down the hallway, clearly confused.

"What's up, Cas? I emailed you the paper like you asked me to." He points out. "And where are we going?"

Castiel stops and faces Dean, annoyed. "Don't ask stupid questions."

He grabs Dean by the wrist and pulls him along.

        Now don't ask him where he even got this idea or why it occurred to him, because Castiel honestly doesn't know. He just knows that he has an exact place in mind and he wonders if this will officially make him a tool.

They rush down the band hallway and at this point, Dean is practically dying for answers. "Look, Cas, what are we doing?"

"Just, trust me," he insists.

They walk down to the instrumentals room, a place Castiel is familiar with due to his past experimentation with orchestra. Just as he knew it would be, the room is unlocked and completely empty. He drags Dean inside and heads towards the front desk.

"Where are we?"

Castiel rummages around for the keys that unlock the practice rooms. "It's the band room, Dean. God, you act like we're in a foreign country."

He spies the keys underneath a music book and snatches them up, buzzing with aggressive anticipation as he leads Dean to the nearest practice room. He swings open the door and pulls Dean inside.

"Cas. I'm serious what's going on?"

The door swings shut behind them and the light from the classroom shines through the tiny window in the door, just enough for Castiel to make out Dean's dawning realization.

        This time, Dean meets him halfway. His hands fly to grab his face as his lips move against his with practiced ease. They crash into something--a music stand, Castiel suspects--and he can't help but laugh against Dean's lips.

They part just long enough for Dean to chuckle, "This is the hottest thing I've ever done."

_In your face, Bela Talbot._

He kisses Dean violently, slamming him against a wall and is surprised to be met with just as much aggression. Eager hands grab at his hips and only the sound of heavy breathing fills the air.

Dean's lips travel across his jaw, making it impossible for him to think.

Only when he feels Dean's fingers slide to unbutton his jeans does his regain his voice.

"No, wait, Dean," he pants. "Not now, okay?"

Dean ghosts his lips along the shell of his ear and he plants wet kisses along the sensitive skin, completely disorienting Castiel.

"When?" He asks, his thumbs drawing light circles against his hips as his lips brush against his neck.

"Later," Castiel barely manages to get out.

Dean plants kisses down the column of his throat and Castiel gasps when he sucks on the flesh. "Be specific."

        Dean's voice is demanding and it takes Castiel by surprise, but also does everything for his libido.

He is totally into Dean's submissiveness but this is something new and passionate and fuck if this isn't hot.

But then the sound of the bell pierces the air, announcing the end of lunch and Castiel places a hand on Dean's chest to push him away, though he barely budges.

        "Tonight. I'll be at your house around seven."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm literally in AP Lit right now uploading my gay fanfic lol.  
> It's chill though I think my teacher is lowkey Johnlock af, and when we were studying Hamlet she stopped after every scene to have us watch the David Tenant version so she knows what's up lol

The rest of the day drags by as Castiel anxiously awaits the chance to get his hands on Dean again.

During Lit he even finds himself glancing over at him, until Dean catches him and sends him a cocky wink.

        Everything is dragging.

Class, talking with Meg and Lisa and Anna, even the usually short drive home. Anna had him drop her off at Lisa's to prep for the Career Fair dinner and Castiel could not be more thankful.

He doesn't know if he'd be able to bear listening to her plan a dinner for his ex.

        But as he pulls into the driveway and lays eyes on his mom's car, he's jarred back to reality.

Firstly, mom was supposed to be working in the office today. He saw her get ready for work.

So why is she home so early?

What happened? She hasn't missed a day of work in ages.

Oh God, what happened?

"Damn it!" He cries out, hitting the steering wheel with both hands. He's suddenly overwhelmed with fear and most of all, guilt.

How has he been so wrapped up in lusting after Dean Winchester that he forgot about his own mom? His sad and lonely, locked-up-in-her-bedroom mom?

        God, he's a dick.

Castiel trudges inside and braces himself for a catastrophic scene like before, but is shocked to find his mom on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and the TV on.

She looks perfectly fine, as if her episode had never even happened.

"Mom?"

She looks up and smiles. "Oh, hello Angel! Popcorn?"

Castiel lets his backpack slide to the floor. "Uh, no, I'm good. What's up?"

"There's a very compelling documentary on Discovery Channel. Want to join me?"

        Castiel glances around the room. No broken glass, no scattered papers, no pill bottles. Everything is neat and in its place, not one single trace of anything wrong.

As if the relapse never happened.

Was that it? Was it over?

Even with his mom sitting in front of him, totally normal, it feels too soon to call.

"Um, no thanks." He glances nervously at his dad. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she says, her voice light and airy. "Just a little sleepy. I just worked a half day and took a little nap. It's okay, I have a lot of those vacation days saved up."

Castiel's eyes flit to a familiar manila envelope that lies untouched beside the couch. His mom's eyes follow his and she laughs.

"Those dumb papers!" She says with a shrug. "You know, they made me so angry, but it was all over nothing. Your father's lawyer just made a mistake."

"Did dad tell you that?"

There's a pause. "Well, no," she admits. "But I'm positive that's it. Not a worry. How was your day?"

        She's lying.

So Castiel will too. "Good."

Only his mom's lying to herself; not just him. She seems seriously convinced the divorce papers were a mistake. And he knows he should say something but he doesn't know what. Plus, he does not want to be the reason for another relapse.

So Castiel just gathers his things and walks upstairs to focus on homework.

        But he can't seem to do that either.

His AP World reading just blurs in his mind and the response he's supposed to construct for Dialogues remains unwritten. Castiel glances at his digital alarm clock, exasperated to see it's just barely 4:00.

        Okay what the fuck.

He should not be pining over Dean Winchester.

 _Not pining_ he tells himself. _Just...lusting._

As if that's any better.

But he can't help but think about how sick he is as he barely finishes his homework, continuously glancing at the clock every other minute. And even more sick than that is the fact that when his phone rings, he scrambles to answer it, actually thinking for some weird reason it's Dean.

He doesn't even have Dean's phone number.

The phone call turns out to be from a concerned Lisa.

"I can't believe Balthazar's back!" She speaks so fast and so angrily one might think he's her ex. "God, what an ass. Are you okay? How are you? Should I come over?"

"No!" He replies to quickly. "No, I uh, I'm fine."

"C, you can't not talk about it. If you need to vent I'm here for you."

"I'm fine, promise. I'm dealing."

There's a contemplative pause before a conclusive,  
"I'm coming over."

"Don't!"

"What?"

God, he's fucking up. "Uh, I just I can't have anyone over right now. Not a really good time."

"Well, what's up?"

Shit, he's so bad at lying. "I'm tired. I think I might go to bed early." She knew he was lying; she must have. But thankfully, she didn't press him for answers.

"Well, okay...Another time?"

"Yeah, sure, I'll see you later."

He hangs up quickly.

        Man, he's a shitty friend.

But he can't help it.

He needs to see Dean.

        Slap him for stooping to such a cliche but, but Dean is like his drug. At least, sex with him is. And Castiel is a total junkie.

When 6:45 rolls around Castiel practically sprints downstairs for his jacket and keys.

His mom is in the kitchen heating up some leftover Chinese food.

"Where you off to, Angel?"

        Ha, good question.

"Uh, Dean Winchester's house." Okay not a lie. "We're writing a paper for Lit together." Half-lie.

But his mom remains none the wiser, simply instructing him to drive safely and then he's out the door.

        As Castiel practically speeds to Dean's house he feels like kicking himself.

Hadn't he always sneered at people who bought into the playboy charm? Looked down on the girls who slept with him? Threw themselves at him?

What makes him any different from them?

 _You don't like him,_ he reminds himself. _Just his body and what it can do for you._

Great, so now he's a junkie and a manwhore.

Castiel pulls into Dean's driveway at 7:01 and he makes himself wait until 7:02 to get out. He's eager but he doesn't have to give Dean the satisfaction of knowing that.

After an agonizing minute he walks up to Dean's front door and it swings open before he can knock.

         "Hey," Dean smirks.

As Castiel walks inside he's fully aware that this is disgusting.

Wrong.

Dirty.

         But God, so exhilarating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter, sorry! Next are more plot heavy :)  
> Kudos/share/comment<3  
> if u want I'm not the boss of u


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally update so frequently I'm so sorry I literally feel like that annoying friend lmao  
> I just know I won't finish it if I don't keep getting feedback / writing!!  
> Plus this chap is pretty plotty so :")

        For fucks sake.

Castiel frowns at himself in the mirror as he hopelessly pats down his major sex hair while Dean stretches out and yawns from the bed. 

        Definitely not a situation he ever imagined he'd be in.

"So," Castiel braces himself for the usual load of shit Dean's inclined to spew. "I understand that I'm being used, but I am curious as to what I'm being used _for."_

"Sex."

"Yeah no shit," He rolls his eyes. Castiel wonders if he looks that good when he rolls his eyes. "What's the sex for?"

Castiel shrugs. "Distraction."

"Wanna elaborate?" Dean gets out of the bed and walks up behind Castiel, his hands running down his arms. Damn, the guy's insatiable. "I just think if I knew I could do my job more...effectively." 

Dean's lips graze his neck but Castiel pushes him away.

"You're doing your job just fine." He flops down onto Dean's bed and refuses to look at him.

"Seriously, what's up?"

Castiel peeks up at him, surprised to find his eyes focused on him intently. He lets out a sigh. "Do you really care?"

"Sure I do," the corners of his lips lift up ever so slightly as he sits beside Castiel. "You know, there's more to this fantastic body than amazing biceps. I happen to have a pair of perfectly functioning ears."

"Okay smartass," Castiel gives his arm a good shove as Dean laughs. "Okay," He draws in a breath and pulls the sheets up suddenly feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable. "Um, my ex-boyfriend is back in town for the Career Fair." He expects Dean to shrug it off or make some off-handed comment, but when he looks up, he's simply staring at his hands, his features unreadable.

        So Castiel continues.

"I just, I don't know. I found out he'd be back, which is why I dragged you to the band room."

"What happened?" Dean asks. "With your ex, I mean."

        He doesn't know why he keeps talking but it's suddenly like he can't stop.

"We dated my freshman year. He was a senior and I knew my parents wouldn't let me date someone so much older. So he suggested we keep it a secret," He balls the sheets up in his fists and hesitates a little. He looks up to see Dean staring at him with so much emotion that the words continue to pour out of his mouth. "I never met any of his friends or family. At school we didn't even _look_ at each other. And I thought it was for us, you know? So I'd be able to keep seeing him, even if it was in secret."

Dean draws in a sharp breath and Castiel suddenly feels fucking pathetic.

He can only imagine what Dean's thinking. _Poor little GBF._

He tenses up but figures he has to finish his tale of woe at this point. "I kept seeing him with this girl, but I didn't think much of it. I trusted him. And God, this sounds so fucking lame now, but, _I thought he_   _loved me_ _."_ Dean remains silent, but the bed shifts as he moves closer. "Anyway, the girl turned out to be his girlfriend and she eventually found out. She cornered me at school and basically told me to stay away. I thought it might be a mistake or something but..."

"The only mistake was his," Dean says matter-of-factly. "You're awesome."

Castiel laughs at the absurdity of Dean Winchester complimenting him. "Thanks."

There's a brief pause before Dean suddenly lets out a cold laugh. "Man! What an ass,"

        Could this conversation get any weirder? Here sits the biggest playboy of all, criticizing his ex boyfriend.

"Yeah, you're really one to talk," he says pointedly. 

"I sleep around," Dean admits, his eyes darting away. "But people I'm with know _exactly_ what they're getting. When someone tells you they love you, that's like a promise, Cas. I may not make a lot of promises, but I sure as hell don't break them either."

They sit in a comfortable silence, close enough for Dean to knock his knee against Cas' playfully.

"Do I know him?" He asks.

Castiel shrugs. "Maybe? Balthazar Seb?"

"That _weird_ British guy?" Dean's face twists up in disgust and he turns to him with wide eyes. "How the hell did he have a girlfriend? Why would anyone go out with him? Why would _you_ go out with him?" 

Castiel is immediately filled with regret. He knows Dean's probably just trying to make him feel better but bashing Balthazar isn't the way to do it. I mean, he loved the guy.  Bashing him is bashing Castiel's taste in guys; which yes, he already knows, sucks. But still, it stings.

"Gee, thanks." 

"No, I just...shit, I just meant that he's so... _ugh!"_

"Yeah well maybe _ugh_ is the best the GBF can do," Castiel mutters, frowning. 

         Dean's face falls and he looks away. After a moment of terse silence he speaks up.

"Look, about that, it was just a stupid--"

"Stop," Castiel interrupts, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, the whole situation suddenly too...much. Yeah, they fuck, but they've never done... _whatever the hell this is_. They talk and pick on each other, but this? This is like some sort of _moment_ and Castiel did not sign up for this. "We've already fucked, you don't have to explain yourself, okay?"

He feels the bed let up and then Dean's kneeling in front of him. He places his hands on Castiel's knees gently. "Does the name bother you?" His voice is soft and God, why can't they just go back to slinging insults at each other?

"No." 

        It's a lie. A huge lie, yeah.

But what the hell? He doesn't want to admit it, especially not to the guy that dubbed him as such.

Dean's hands travel to his hips and he looks up at him. And he looks so pleading and gorgeous that Castiel tangles his hands in his hair and pulls him in for a hard kiss, their cycle of madness is starting all over again. 

 

        Castiel's mom was mind-bogglingly oblivious.

She never questioned him as he began to go to Dean's more and more frequently; all in the name of writing one little paper. Every time he walked out the door she simply let out a _"Drive safely, Angel!"_

Anna too, who's usually a helicopter sibling if there ever was one, has been totally unsuspecting. Aside from her usual taunts and jabs about his one kiss with Dean, she hadn't picked up on anything else. Even when she interrogated him one night and he was sure he was found out, she remained in the dark.

"You know, C," she began as she adjusted her hair in his bedroom mirror. "You're dealing with Balthazar being back really well."

"I've been trying not to brag," 

Anna rolled her eyes. "Seriously, I thought you'd be a crying, blubbering mess. I mean, the guy broke your heart, remember?" 

Castiel laughed scornfully. "But you're...normal. Are you okay? Remember, bottling up emotions--"

"--is unhealthy!" Castiel finished, swinging his arm in front of him in a Golly-Gee! kind of way. "What? You want me to cry? I can shed a tear or two if you want."

Anna just stared right through his sarcastic bullshit and he knew she needed a straight answer.

"Okay, look, I'm fine, honestly," he insisted. "I found a way to deal with the stress and I guess it's helped."

"And how are you dealing, exactly?"

        Shit.

Oh, just bumping uglies with Dean Winchester a few times a week, that's all! 

"Uh, I've been working out."

Working out? Really?

Anna beamed at him. "Ohmygosh that's awesome! I'm so glad you're channeling this negativity into something positive!"

"Yup,"

"Are you doing a lot of cardio?"

All of the blood in his body rushed to his face. "Yeah," he coughed.

Anna turned to him finally satisfied with her appearance for the party they're headed to and frowned. "Have you ever considered wearing something other than a hoodie and jeans? Like, ever?"

"Now why would I do that when I'm already such a hot commodity?"

"Shut up," Anna laughed. She strode across the room and dug around the back of his closet, emerging with a folded (and probably unworn) white button up. "Change," she instructed, tossing it to him.

He caught the shirt and sighed, before kicking her out of his room and promptly following her order.

And he hated to admit it, but of course she was right.

        He went from a solid 3 to at least a 4.5.

When he let his sister back in she simply groaned. "How the hell will you ever survive without me?" She then rolled the sleeves of the shirt to his elbows and undid the top two buttons, before ruffling his hair in the way he detests so much. 

Anna grinned appreciatively.

"Now we're ready to party!"

 

        Castiel and Dean had fallen into the swing of their whatever with benefits thing so flawlessly that there's no way anyone at school would suspect it.

Their behaviors haven't changed around one another; they still trade snarky remarks and insults and their hatred for each other has been well-maintained.

Nobody would suspect a thing.

        Nobody but Garth Fitzgerald, apparently.

At the party that night, he strolls right on up to Castiel, obviously more than a little bit buzzed--though he's always been a lightweight. 

Garth is a good guy, Castiel likes him, even. But one thing he isn't is skittish and that's made evident when he throws an arm around Castiel's shoulders and whispers loudly,

"I know about you and Dean!"

His heart stops. "Uh, what do you mean?"

Garth bursts into a fit of laughter, stopping to drink from the plastic cup in his other hand. "I know you like Dean Winchester," 

"You're drunk."

"I'm right!" He sings. "Don't worry, I think he likes you too!"

"You're actually insane."

His words slur together and Castiel can smell the alcohol on his breath. "And _you_ are a bad liar."

          And with that he stumbles off, his drink sloshing onto the floor.

Castiel resolves that he is now officially avoiding Garth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh i keep making dean all lowkey sweet and I hate myself for it  
> as always kudos/share/comments :) 
> 
> pls talk to me I have no friends


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda just filler //:

        "Ohmygod, why won't it just go in?" Castiel yells frustratedly.

  
Just like his last shot, the cue ball sends the solid flying off of the pocket he'd been aiming for. He ignores the grating sound of Dean's laughter.

  
Dean lines up his pool stick and _of fucking course,_ expertly shoots a stripe into the corner pocket.

  
Castiel narrows his eyes angrily, regretting ever challenging Dean to this stupid game.

  
        Both boys recently decided to try and christen every room in the Winchester household. Dean liked it as a big Fuck You! to his parents and Castiel liked it because it got Dean all riled up.

  
But as they made out on the couch in the basement, talk of Dean's supposedly mad pool skills came up and Castiel just had to challenge him to a game.

  
He was convinced Dean would be all talk, but so far he's been pretty close to the truth.

  
       The guy's a god at billiards.

  
While the table is still scattered with solids, just one striped ball remains. Castiel haughtily lines up for his next shot.

  
"Easy there,"

  
Warm breath hits the back of Castiel's neck and Dean runs his hands up and down his sides.

  
"Focus, Cas. Are you focusing?"

  
He plants a soft kiss on the back of his neck and _fuck,_ he's doing this on purpose.

  
Castiel attempts the shot but instead sends the cue ball flying into a corner pocket and he drops his stick in protest.

  
"Asshole."

  
Dean chuckles arrogantly. "Hey, don't hate the player, hate the game. Don't be a sore loser, BF."

  
Castiel reels. "I am not a sore loser! You distracted me and it shouldn't count. Besides, I'd rather be a tasteful loser than a gloating winner, okay? Everybody knows that--"

  
In one swift motion Dean hoists Castiel onto the edge of the pool table and plants his lips on his.

  
Castiel doesn't kiss back for a moment, just to be stubborn, until eventually giving in and pulling him closer.

  
When they pull apart there's a mischievous glint to Dean's eyes and Castiel raises his eyebrows.

  
"On the pool table?"

  
Dean grins. "It's my dad's favorite game."

 

       "Hornets! Hornets! Battle cry!" Lisa chants along with the rest of the cheer squad. "V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!"

  
      After what has seemed like forever, Anna has finalized her plans for the big alumni dinner coming up and to celebrate they all wanted to do something fun.

  
While Castiel suggested pizza and a movie, he was roped into a school basketball game instead.

  
        Thrilling.

  
Beside him Anna was cheering and clapping along with the crowd and even Meg was getting into it ("What?" She'd said. "I like the chants, they feel cult-y,")

  
Castiel's typically not one to be a downer, but he hates school events.

  
Yeah, he knows, how typical brooding cynic of him. But it's true.

  
He hates the crowds and all of the noise. He hates watching the dumb mascot run around, knowing fully well that the guy in the suit is probably high. He hates the primal players, jockeying for attention. He pretty much hates Lawrence High.

  
        He can't wait for college.

  
As he sits there, everyone around him cheering and waving around banners and cheap pom pom's, he notices a group a few bleachers down.

  
A boy is sitting beside a small huddle of girls who are all engaged in gossip and the game, while he hovers on the outside. He watches as the girls talk over him and he can't help but identify with him.

  
Yeah, he loves his friends and while he's not always so explicitly outcast, he occasionally feels like it.

  
It suddenly hits Castiel.

  
That guy is the GBF of the group.

It doesn't matter whether or not he's actually gay; he's isolated.

  
Out of place.

  
Unhappy.

He clenches his fists and tries to focus on the game but he can't hear anything over the pounding word ringing in his ears. 

_GBF._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos/share/comment<3   
> Have a blessed day friends


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I just uploaded yesterday but I'm uploading again today because I know this week I'm gonna be swamped. Literally praying to Chuck for a snow day.  
> anyway here ya go

        Castiel hates Valentines Day.

Don't be mistaken, he likes celebrating his loved ones and stimulating economic growth with pointless cards and candies, but the showiness of it all makes him uneasy.

He likes to think if he were with someone special they'd know how he feels about them without the predatory holiday.

He hopes that they'd be able to privately celebrate their love (not like _that,_ perv. Okay, maybe a _little_ like that, but that's beside the point) rather than feeling obligated to broadcast his feelings to world.

        So yeah, not his favorite holiday.

"It is my _favorite_ holiday!" Lisa squeals, bounding into class. "All of the happy couples and decorations! Isn't it just adorable?"

         Castiel shrugs.

"You know I think this is the first year all four of us are single," she muses. "We should do something tonight!"

"Okay,"

          "Castiel." 

He looks up to where he's being beckoned to the front of the room by his teacher and heads over.

"Yeah?"

"Mr. Roman needs a student to help distribute Valentine's gifts people have sent. You're caught up on all your work...would you mind?"

        Yeah, sorta.

"No, not at all."

"Great! Just head over to the front office, they should tell you where to go from there!"

Castiel waves bye to Lisa who'd been eavesdropping and shoots him an envious look. Why she's envious, he has no idea.

       So he gets to drop off some flowers or chocolate people sent their crushes.

As if he needed more reminders of his singleness. Not that he believes in high school romances anyway, but that's beside the point.

On his way to the office he passes far too many couples making cow eyes at each other or flat out French kissing and he barely manages to refrain from outwardly cringing.

       Gross.

"Hello there GBF,"

       Speaking of gross.

There's a goofy smile sprawled across Dean's face when Castiel turns to face him and finds he's wearing a, oh fucking hell, silk button down shirt.

"Who are you, Hugh Hefner?" Castiel snorts, arching an eyebrow.

"It's unattached drifter Christmas," Dean replies smoothly. "May as well be."

"Wow, here I was thinking you couldn't get any more disgusting."

"Hey, I'm being considerate," Dean sighs dramatically. "Just thought I'd inform you my schedule's pretty packed tonight. But if you are desperate, I'm free around eleven,"

"I think I'll survive without you." Castiel turns to walk away but Dean latches onto his arm and drawls, "See you tonight," before walking away.

       Dick.

A few short minutes later Castiel stands in front of a nervous looking secretary.

       "Oh, great! Are you one of my delivery boys?"

"Um, I guess?"

"Wonderful." She smiles, relieved. "The table is over here,"

Castiel follows her around a corner where a long table is covered with... _good God._

Absolutely _covered_ with Valentine's cards, heart shaped boxes of chocolate and bouquets of flowers.

       It's like a Cupid threw up all over the surface of the table.

"Alrighty then," the secretary sighs, contentedly. "Have fun!"

She leaves him to stare at the mountain of red and pink, wondering where the hell to begin.

Castiel attempts to sort through the gifts, each labeled with a To and From, when he hears the secretary coming back.

"Is there a list of the classes each student is in?" He asks, inspecting a messily scrawled tag. "It'd go a lot faster if we sorted these by class,"

       "Good thinking. Fortunately, I do have a list."

       Okay, definitely not the voice of the secretary, but a voice Castiel recognizes all too well. 

He braces himself before turning around, absolutely dumbfounded to find Zeke Kyle standing in front of him, clipboard in hand and adorably boyish smile on his face.

"Oh, I thought you were someone else."

       Wow, great start there, Castiel.

Zeke just laughs. "Sorry to disappoint, Castiel."

       Hearing Zeke say his name is one of the most earth shattering moments of his life. Not just because he's shell shocked he actually knows his name, but also that voice. 

"So, you were roped into this delivery thing too?" He asks, his tone friendly and conversational.

"Yeah." Castiel says, dumbly. 

       Frankly, he's surprised he hasn't thrown up yet.

Because Zeke fricken Kyle is here, talking to him, on Valentine's Day. 

Well, okay the Valentine's Day part isn't such a big deal, but it might have been if Castiel actually believed in fate.

"Alright, well I have the class rosters so we should should start sorting." Zeke suggests, surveying the table with an exaggerated huff. "This could take a while."

"Yeah," Castiel repeats. "Sorting."

Wow, nice one. Very eloquent.

As they began to sift through the piles of gifts and flowers Zeke makes polite small talk and Castiel slowly feels himself begin to relax.

Although it's pretty easy when Zeke's as charming and easy going as he is. 

"Wow," Zeke whistles, adding another package to a growing pile. "There's a lot here for Dean Winchester."

"Yeah, he's a...busy guy," Castiel says awkwardly.

There's something strange about seeing just how many people are vying for the attention of someone he's fucking. 

       He tries not to think about it. 

"How 'bout you?" Zeke asks. "Any Valentine's Day plans?"

"I'm afraid I'm sorely lacking," he replies, the blood rushing to his face as he instantly recalls Dean's proposition.

      So much for not thinking about the guy. 

"No date with the boyfriend?" 

Castiel laughs. "Much like Big Foot, my boyfriend is entirely fictional."

Zeke chuckles. "I don't know what's sadder, how someone as amazing as you is single or the fact that you don't believe in Big Foot."

       Castiel's chest flutters and he and Zeke exchange shy glances. 

For someone in a relationship, Zeke sure seems flirty.

"How about you? Any plans with your boyfriend?"

"Well, we did have plans." Zeke concedes. "But we broke up on Saturday, so they're sorta out the window."

Castiel has to force the smile from his lips. "Sorry about that."

       No he's not.

Call him an ass, but he is not sorry at all.

"Yeah, me too." Zeke shrugs, sighing. A brief silence settles around them before he clears his throat. "Alright I think we're ready to start delivering!"

"Oh, joyous times." Castiel sighs, picking up a stack of boxed chocolates.

"Contain your excitement, please," Zeke teases, moving towards him.  

Castiel starts to shrug, when the top box slides off of his stack.

Zeke, like the fucking dream that he is, catches it swiftly and tucks it neatly back on top, flashing Castiel a gorgeous smile.

"Careful," 

       His voice is like silk.

Silk that Castiel wants to wrap himself up in and never come out of. 

The deliveries go by pretty quickly if Castiel's being honest. Time flies by when you get to talk away half of the day with your crush of many years.

       And just as Castiel knew he would be, Zeke is perfect.

Smart, funny, kind, uber polite.

He makes the awkwardness of interrupting classes to deliver the gifts seem so natural and none of the teachers give them a hard time about it.

       The only time Castiel was really anxious was when they were about to drop off Dean's gifts.

He shouldn't be nervous; he knows that. It's just Dean, for God's sake. But there's something strangely...degrading about bestowing Dean's Valentine's gifts upon him. 

       Zeke must have sensed something was wrong because bless his soul, he insisted that he do the delivery instead, while Castiel gets a head start on the next delivery. 

He could only imagine Dean's all too pleased smirk if Castiel were to dump his stupid gifts on his desk.

        It takes them until lunch to finish, but he feels good when they're finished. Not a bad way to spend a morning.

"We did it," Zeke grins, patting Castiel on the back. "We're finally done."

Castiel laughs. "Things were looking pretty dire there for a while there,"

"I was starting to think we'd die before everything was delivered."

"The year is 2050," Castiel lowers his voice like a narration. 

Pride swells up in his chest when Zeke laughs. 

       "Castiel?"

They whip around to find the secretary smiling at them guiltily.

"Somebody's here to sign you out."

He's confused. Who would be signing him out? And why?

But mostly, he's disappointed to have to end things with Zeke so soon.

Well, not soon, but. You get what he means.

"Um, okay." The secretary walks away and Castiel turns to face Zeke, apologetic. "Guess that's my cue to go," 

Zeke just smiles at him oh so charming and oh so understanding. Castiel watches him reach out and pick up a semi-wilted rose bloom that must have fallen off in the chaos. The next thing he knows, Zeke's fingers are brushing through his hair gently, tucking the short stem behind his ear. 

His face must be on fire.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Castiel."

Castiel smiles stupidly before darting away to the front office, absolutely glowing. 

        That did not just happen.

These kinds of things do not happen in real life; let alone to him.

Yet, the rose tucked behind his ear serves as evidence and Castiel can't wipe the dopey grin from his face.

Maybe things are finally looking up.

Maybe things are finally getting better.

Maybe--

       "Hello, Castiel."

Maybe not.

"Hi, dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IN THE TIME IT TOOK ME TO EDIT THIS MY SCHOOL CALLED AND YA GIRL GOT A SNOW DAY  
> JESUS UR A HOMIE THANK YOU  
> BLESSED BE THE DAMN DAY BROTHERS


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snow day means new chapter :) 
> 
> And idk if there's like a formal way to do this on this site, but I want to dedicate this chapter to the users MarcellaButterfly and CastielLordOfTheBees for being fricken amazing supporters<3 
> 
> I've literally wanted to give up on this fic so many times because I sometimes hate its voice and I see so many editing mistakes that I'm too lazy to go back and fix and just ugh! 
> 
> So massive thanks to them and their kind words for keeping me in check :) 
> 
> Anyway here is the next chapter! Hope you all enjoy it because it was a lot of fun to write

       Castiel can tell he's nervous by the way he hesitates to step towards him.

       He looks scared.

And for good reason. Unlike his mom, Castiel knows his dad wants out; knows the divorce papers were no mistake. Knows that he wants to leave them.

      That he doesn't care.

Castiel stands there glaring and the small glimmer of hope that was in his father's eyes vanishes.

"Castiel, I've-I've missed you."

He scoffs. "Yeah, I'm sure. That tends to happen when you haven't seen someone in a while."

    "Have you finished signing him out?"

They turn to the secretary and his dad nods, flashing her a winning smile. "Yes. Is that all?"

"Yup!" She answers, seemingly more peppy than when Castiel had interacted with her before.

"And um, might I add that I am a huge fan of your books!"

      Well, that explains it.

Everyone loves Castiel's dad.

He's charming, smart, considerably handsome. All of his glaring flaws masked by his cool, fake facade.

Castiel frequently wonders if he'd inherited anything from his dad, really. Before reminding himself it's for the best if he hasn't.

"Thank you, it's always nice to meet a fan," He winks at the secretary, sending her into a fit of girlish giggles.

Castiel resists the urge to gag. He simply leaves the office and walks towards the main parking lot, figuring if his dad really came to see him he'll catch up.

       He does.

"Look at you, still fast as ever," He huffs, striding alongside him as they exit the building.

Castiel pulls his jacket tighter around him, scanning the parking lot for his dad's obnoxious red Mustang. After spotting it parked in the back, away from any other cars--typical--he heads towards it.

"You still running?"

His dad's trying to make conversation, but Castiel refuses to play along. After all this time, now he wants to play Dad?

     Yeah, he doesn't think so. He's not about to make this easy for him.

"No."

His dad furrows his brow and fumbles for his keys. "What? Why not? You were always so good at track."

"It was cross country," he snaps. "And I quit to spend more time with _family._ But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"Castiel James Novak, I will not take this attitude from you. I am your father--"

"Really? Could've fooled me!" Castiel laughs coldly. "You know, family cares about each other. They don't just _leave_ and-and keep leaving!"

"I was working--"

"You were running away!"

       Castiel's yelling.

He's never yelled at his parents.  
Or anyone, really. Ever. As far as his adolescence goes, he's been fairly unproblematic.

     But it's like all of this bullshit has just been building and building and it's bursting out of him now that someone's on the receiving end.

"If you want to leave, fine. _See if I care,_ but you could've at least warned me before filing for the goddamn _divorce!"_

      Silence.

The car beeps as his dad unlocks it and Castiel jumps. He watches him open the driver's door and slide in. He almost doesn't want to get in the car, but it's cold out, so he opens the passenger's side and slides in reluctantly.

His face is set in a petulant frown and he knows he's being immature.

      Unreasonable, childish.

He's watched enough Dr. Phil to know he should hear his father out; that they need to talk out their feelings for any real progress to happen.

     But he doesn't want to talk to his dad.

His dad, who's being just as childish and immature even though he's the adult. He's the one who should be trying to reach resolution rather than bullshitting his way back into Castiel's life.

     They sit in silence as the car starts up. They pull out of the parking lot in silence. Drive around in silence.

Castiel doesn't even know where they're going and his dad offers no explanation.

It's uncomfortable, but he sure as hell isn't going to be the first to cave. If his dad wants to talk to him so badly, he can make the fort move.

     Finally, his dad draws in a long breath. "Please just hear me out."

Castiel doesn't respond, but he also doesn't tell him off either.

"I'm...sorry. This is not how I wanted things to be, Castiel." His dad's voice is shaking and Castiel thinks he might be crying, but he refuses to look over. He keeps his eyes focused on the scenery passing by through the car window.

"I thought traveling could make me happy. I thought it did, but you're right. I've been running away. Away from what's so obvious to me now."

"Your family?" Castiel can't help but ask, moodily. "Sorry we've been such a burden on your conscience."

"I've been running from reality, Castiel," he responds softly. "I love your mother, but...I'm not happy with her anymore. And I'm sure she can say the same about me,"

       Tell that to her coping mechanism.

"You should be telling mom this," he sighs, leaning his head against the cool glass to soothe all of the thoughts boiling in his mind.

"She's the one who needs to hear it."

"I will," he affirms. "Do you...do you hate me?"

      Does he?

He can't exactly argue with what his dad is feeling. He can't force his dad to love his mom, or to stay.

     And it might be better to finally get some resolution rather than maintaining the strained relationship of whatever this is.

No more waiting for his dad to call or come home for just a day. No more having to see him leave again and again. Sure, a divorce isn't great, but it seems favorable to constantly waiting; constantly hoping.

"I don't hate you, dad."

And Castiel means it. 

 

      The sky is dark by the time they drive back to the high school for Castiel's car.

"So, does Anna know you're back?" He asks, as his dad parks next to his Lincoln.

"Yeah," he nods, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Yeah, we're going out for brunch tomorrow."

"Good, that's...good."

     He's been feeling guilty about keeping Anna in the dark about the divorce; he doesn't know how he'd be able to survive not telling her dad is home.

"So, uh, I guess I better go see your mother," he says. "I know Anna's spending the night with a friend, maybe you ought to, too."

     Great. Even his dad who's been gone for forever knows how messy this could get.

"Okay," Castiel nods.

He gets out of his dad's car, his stomach churning.

     He knows this is for the best, but he also knows his mom won't see it that way. Half of him is relieved for his dad and himself; but the other half is sad for his mom and scared of what's to come.

Castiel tries to ignore the uneasiness creeping into him and plasters a smile on his face as he waves his dad off. He watches the Mustang drive away and grow smaller and smaller in the distance, his smile faltering the second it turns out of sight.

He climbs into his car and starts it up.

The clock reads 9:00.

_Spend the night with a friend._

Hopefully he has somewhere to go.

 

Castiel pulls into the familiar driveway at 9:46 after driving aimlessly around until he resolved to just go to Dean's.

      If he's turned away, he's turned away.

He doesn't know what he's expecting as he walks to the front door; maybe a leggy blonde to come spilling out of the house as another saunters in. Maybe a line of girls waiting for their turn?

     He definitely wasn't expecting the door to be answered by a...kid.

"Um, hi?" Castiel furrows his brow. The boy is young, fourteen maybe fifteen. His hair is long and shaggy and he has a baby face if there ever was one. "Is uh, is Dean here?"

"Yeah," the boy's voice is just as pubescent as he is. "Dean!"

     God, when Dean said he had plans tonight Castiel didn't think he meant...jailbait.

"Sam, how long's it take for you to pay the fucking pizza guy--oh,"

     Dean joins the boy, Sam, at the doorway.

Sam.

Oh God, Sam. Sam _Winchester._ Dean's _little brother._

Castiel immediately feels like the world's biggest moron, especially with the two standing next to each other, their resemblance evident.

"Cas," Dean says, his voice wavering.

"Hello, Dean." He says, awkwardly.

Sam's eyes dart between them and and Castiel could not feel more uncomfortable.

_Yeah, kid, don't mind me, I just came here because your brother is my fuck buddy._

"I'm gonna go..." Sam gestures noncommittally inside the house before rushing away.

"Cas," Dean repeats, standing in the foyer staring at him.

Castiel shifts awkwardly from foot to foot on the Winchester's front porch. "I can leave--"

"No!" He lurches forward, swinging the door open wider. "No, come on in, it's fine,"

Relief floods Castiel's chest as he walks into the inviting warmth, but the awkward tension in the air remains.

"What uh, what's up?" Dean asks, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. This is the first time that Castiel has ever witnessed Dean Winchester...not suave. It's kind of...endearing, in a way. Much preferable to his usual dicking around. 

"I need somewhere to stay tonight," Castiel admits, lowering his voice and glancing towards where Sam disappeared. "I'm sorry, I don't know, I just...this is the first place I thought of and I know it's early but--"

"No problem, Cas," Dean waves it off, a smile tugging at his lips. "I only told you eleven so you wouldn't have to suffer through meeting the twerp," he chuckles, nodding towards the other room.

"I heard that!" Sam's voice calls out.

Castiel laughs, grateful for a way to release the tension.

"Alright, well we're just playing a uh, a game," Dean says, leading Castiel into the living room.

Sam is shouting at the television, game controller in hand. Castiel does a double take when he sees what's on the screen.

"Jeopardy?" He laughs, quirking an eyebrow. "You guys are playing a heated game of Jeopardy?"

"The most heated game there is," Dean's tone is arrogant, but there's a light blush to his cheeks. He picks up a controller and hands another to Castiel. "Brawn is easy, but brilliance is where it gets tricky,"

"Dean likes to say that because he can't throw a punch," Sam taunts, as he chooses the next category.

"Yeah well, this one sure can." Dean raises his eyebrows at Castiel and then it's his turn to blush.

"Cas, pick the category." Sam interrupts.

Great now the brother's calling him Cas too. Instead of correcting him he just looks up at the screen and wonders how the hell anyone could play this for fun. He's already stressed just scanning the names of the different categories.

"Uh, I guess 'British Poets?'"

"You have to select the category with the joystick," Dean says. "Here." He reaches over and their hands brush as he does it for him.

    _"At the time of his death in October 1400, he was living in a leased house in the garden of Westminster Abbey."_ The virtual Alex Trebek reads.

Dean smirks as he works the controller in his hand, inputting his answer.

Castiel gapes. "Do you seriously know this?" Dean leans in and whispers "Chaucer," in Castiel's ear.

     Huh. Who knew Dean Winchester was a closeted brain.

"Hey! No feeding him answers!" Sam protests. 

"Not my fault you've been slacking on the studies," Dean clicks his tongue.

Sam haughtily inputs an answer and stares at the screen intensely as their answers are read.

Dean wrinkles his nose, "William Browne? Really Sam? Dude died in the 1600's,"

"Dammit!" Sam jumps to his feet as Trebek reveals Chaucer as the correct answer.

"Hey! Watch your language, bitch!" Dean chucks a pillow at Sam's head.

"You're a fricken jerk, you know that?"

While they continue their game Dean feeds him most of the answers and Castiel soon grows comfortable enough to exchange trash talk with Sam.

But he mostly watches Dean. It's interesting, there's no cocky demeanor, no fake confidence, just...him.

     And much to his disdain, Castiel quickly discovers that he likes this version of Dean.

 

It's just about midnight when Sam's finally had enough of losing and declares he's going to bed.

"Sleep tight, loser!" Dean calls after him. Sam just flips him the finger and Castiel laughs.

     But the second Sam's out of sight, Dean turns on Castiel with a downright predatory look in his eyes. "So,"

"So."

      Dean pushes him down by his shoulders and climbs over him, his eyes alive with so much _want_ that Castiel can't help but be turned on.

"You actually came over," Dean says, moving his fingers across Castiel's neck in an absolutely hypnotic way.

"I actually did."

Dean allows his hands to travel down his sides and he toys with the hem of Castiel's T-shirt, his fingertips teasing the skin underneath.

     Fuck.

"I'm glad you did,"

Dean's lips attach to his neck and Castiel grabs onto his hair to ground himself. His lips know exactly what they're doing and just when Castiel thinks he can't take anymore, Dean grinds his hips down into his and there's a delicious sort of friction and--

     Castiel's phone is going off.

"Dean, stop." He pants, sitting up and reaching for his phone.

      Anna.

Oh God.

"I am not here," he tells Dean sternly. "Don't say _anything._ I swear. Anna cannot know I'm with you."

Dean nods, though he moves behind Castiel and continues to mouth at his neck.

"Hello?" He hopes his voice isn't shaking.

"Castiel! Where are you?" Anna asks, obviously worried. "Dad's back! I'm at Lisa's. Didn't dad tell you to spend the night?"

Dean lips move lightly across Castiel's shoulder and his hands find the inside of his shirt.

"Uh, yeah," Dammit, his voice cracks. He feels Dean smile against his skin. "Yeah I'm staying with a friend."

"What? Who?" Anna demands. "We were all supposed to do something for Valentine's Day!"

Dean's hands deftly undo the front of Castiel's jeans.

"Yeah, sorry," he pants. "Something uh, something came up."

"C..." Anna sighs. "It seems like something's been coming up a lot recently. We feel like we haven't really hung out in forever!"

Fingers dip into his waistband and Castiel shudders, resisting the urge to moan.

"--And where are you staying? Who with?"

Castiel bites his lip to keep from groaning as Dean's fingers work him over. He feels the smirk on Dean's lips as they travel to his ear.

He's torturing him and Castiel doesn't know how much more he can take.

"--Castiel? Are you still there?"

Dean takes his earlobe between his teeth.

"Anna, I have to go."

"What? Castiel--"

He hangs up and tackles Dean into the couch. "Asshole." He growls against his lips.

"Hey, you said I couldn't _say_ anything."

"Whatever."

He kisses him back fiercely and Castiel scrapes his nails over Dean's back, determined to get him back for his stunt. When they separate to yank Dean's shirt off of him, Dean smiles up at Castiel.

"Happy V-Day, BF."

     God, why did he have to ruin everything with that damn nickname?

His thoughts float to his parents and he wonders if they're still talking or yelling or if dad's already left.

He continues to kiss Dean but he's not as into it as before and Dean quickly catches on.

"Cas?"

"Yeah?"

     Dean runs a hand through Castiel's hair and he leans into the touch despite not wanting to.

He blinks down at Dean, who's staring intently at him. 

     But instead of asking if he's alright or going back to making out like Castiel thought he would, Dean suggests another game of Jeopardy.

Castiel forces a smile. "Prepare to lose. I've been holding out on you."

Dean laughs.

And they start a new game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally never mentioned what castiel ended up doing w the flower that was in his hair from Zeke but I couldn't find a way to work that in smoothly so let's ignore this plot hole and assume he took it out sometime idk bear with me  
> Kudos/share/comment<3  
> ily all


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been like 2 days but that's rly long for me omg sorry lol

     Castiel wakes up to a loud ringing in his ears.

Literally.

He squints his eyes open and fumbles for his phone on the nightstand. Dean's alarm clock reads 4:49 AM. 

"Hello?"

"Sorry to wake you up," 

Castiel sits up at the sound of his dad's voice. "No, you're fine. How's things?"

"I left the house a few hours ago," he says. "Castiel...Your mother handled the news...less than gracefully. I've been trying to figure out what to do and I think I'm gonna book a room and stay in town for a week or so. I want to spend some time with you and your sister before moving back out to California."

"Okay, yeah, sounds good,"

"I'm sorry, I should've told you all of this later. Go back to bed. I'll call you after school? Maybe we can do something tonight?" 

"Alright, yeah. Talk to you later."

     They say their goodbyes and Castiel hangs up, debating curling back up in Dean's heavenly mattress with his expensive sheets or forcing himself to get up and head back home to get ready for school.

    His conscience is bugging him to get up and he's about to swing his legs over the edge of the bed when Dean rolls over and throws an arm over his torso. 

"Cas?" His voice is croaky from sleep and Castiel can just make out his hair sticking up in all directions. It's very un-Dean and sorta cute. "Where you going?"

"Home, I think."

"Why?"

"It _is_ a school day, Dean," Castiel points out. "I need to shower. And clean clothes."

Dean pushes himself up onto an elbow to squint at Castiel through sleepy eyes. "I have a shower. And clean clothes."

The sentiment is nice but Castiel can only imagine the backlash of showing up to school in Dean Winchester's clothes.

     His friends would know instantly.

"Sorry, I think I ought to head home." Dean grumbles something incomprehensible. "But thank you. Really."

"Mhmm." Dean retracts his arm and flops back under his covers.

"Will I wake up your parents if I leave?"

"Hm?"

"The front door," Castiel asks nervously. "Will it wake your parents up?"

Dean makes a noise that resembles a laugh. "Don't worry 'bout it. They're not home."

Castiel scrunches his face up, confused. "They never came home last night?"

He'd assumed they came home; thought maybe they just worked really late. He'd never thought Dean and Sam were just...on their own for the night. Frankly the idea of not having a parent in the house for a long time is foreign to Castiel. 

"Nah," Dean mumbles, his voice is muffled by a pillow. "They're gone for the week. Maybe two, don't remember."

"Well, where are they?"

Dean rolls away from Castiel. "Either closing a contract in Hong Kong or a vacation in Cabo. Or maybe it's the Alps. I stopped keeping track a while ago."

There's a slight pause as Castiel absorbs this information. 

     It's so...sad. 

"So they just leave you and Sam on your own?" He knows he should back off but he can't help it. This is the only real information he's ever gotten about Dean from Dean. And now that he's slowly learning more he wants to know the whole story. 

The covers rise and fall in a shrug. "Nah, Sammy stays with our uncle mostly, he's only here once a week,"

"Why?"

"My dad doesn't really want Sam staying with me," Dean says matter of factly. He turns back to face Castiel, a smirk on his face. "Plus, I usually have plenty of special friends to keep me company." 

Castiel knows the statement is meant to sound lighthearted but he finds it sad, despite the arrogant tone in Dean's voice.

     Damn.

Is Castiel actually feeling _sorry_ for Dean Winchester? The wealthy, womanizing, ego maniac? Never in a million years would he ever have seen this coming.

But before he can stop himself Castiel's hand rests on Dean's shoulder and the words pour from his mouth. "Listen, Dean...you can talk to me about stuff. If you want. I mean, it's only fair, you listened to all my ex bullshit so..."

The words are clumsy and awkward and man, he sucks at comfort, but Dean's smirk falters and he replies with a quiet,

"Thanks, Cas."

Castiel starts to stand to leave, but a warm hand circles his wrist and pulls him back. He turns around and finds Dean staring at him with something in those eyes but before he can think about it, Dean presses his lips against his. 

     The kiss is chaste. 

It lacks the aggression and teasing and passion their kisses usually have. 

It's simple. Sweet. Not much more than a peck.

     And it freaks Castiel the fuck out. 

Because that was not a precursor to sex kiss; that was a _kiss_ kiss. 

Not wanting to dwell on it any further Castiel rushes out of the room and out of the house.

 

When Castiel gets home he only has an hour to shower and get ready for school. He rushes into the house, almost too fast to notice the wreck it is.

     Almost.

Just like the first incident, things are in total disarray. Only this time, there's no shredded paper or scattered pills; rather, a strong stench of whiskey in the air.

     Wonderful. 

Castiel searches the house and finds, thankfully, no empty pill bottles, but he does find the fridge stocked with six packs and whiskey.

     When he runs upstairs he peers into his mom's room and finds her asleep on her bed over the covers, sprawled out. 

Probably passed out drunk.

     He wants to fix things, wants to help. But he knows he doesn't have the time right now. 

He can deal with this all later. 

Castiel hurries to take a shower, trying to ignore the thoughts ebbing into his mind. He towel dries his hair and attempts to pat it down into something decent looking, before promptly giving up. He throws on a clean T-shirt and some jeans while searching the room for his backpack before remembering he'd left it in his car. 

      He's frazzled and late and stressed and left with just ten minutes to get to school. 

By the time he pulls into the parking lot there's only spaces at the very back left for him to park in.

He has to sprint across the school to get to his first hour in time.

"You okay, C?" Lisa asks the second he falls into his chair, panting. "You have us all worried."

"Sorry," Castiel mumbles. "Look, I'll explain everything after school, okay? I just...I need to catch my breath."

     Before Lisa can say anything their teacher begins class and passes out a work packet that keeps them occupied until the end of class.

"Alright, see you later Cas!" Lisa smiles softly. 

     He suddenly feels bad for ditching them all last night, but he also doesn't regret the time he spent with Dean and Sam. He figures he'll just explain the divorce and the shock of seeing his dad and they'll accept his excuse.

As Castiel walks to his Dialogues class he recalls his Valentine's Day delivery excursion with Zeke and can't help but smile, in spite of the hellish morning. But when he gets to class, Zeke isn't there. 

     The hour drags on, even Mrs. Mills seems lost without Zeke's usually witty remarks and political interpretations.

So Castiel's relieved when the bell for lunch finally rings, only to find that there's not much relief there either.

     Lisa keeps casting these glances at him, as if she's afraid he'll burst into tears or something. Anna glares at him from across the table, probably still pissed about his hanging up on her. The only person who doesn't seem upset or indifferent towards him is Meg, though she's absorbed in cramming for a test sixth period.

     The rest of the day passes by uneventfully, but the second they meet up leaving school, he's bombarded with questions and demands for an explanation.

"Are you okay?" Anna asks, and even though the question is sincere her voice delivers it in a patronizing way. "What the hell happened last night?"

"Oh, um." He scratches his neck awkwardly. "I don't know. I just, didn't want to talk about it, I guess."

Horribly enough, lying and evading the truth has become kind of second nature to him. 

"The divorce?" Her eyes softens.

     He nods. 

All three girls wrap him up in a group hug of sorts, before Lisa pulls away.

"But where'd you stay last night?" She asks, concerned. 

"Oh, I uh, drove around for a while," he replies lamely. "But I think I'm okay now.

"Okay..." 

"But, I should be going," he says. "Dad and I were gonna make some plans I think."

"Okay!" Anna chirps. "Yeah, I think we're doing something later, too."

"Are you sure you're okay, Clarence?" Meg narrows her eyes suspiciously.

     He could've come clean.

He could've told them the truth about how mom's relapsed and now drinking and it's stressing him the fuck out.

     But he doesn't want to be the one to tell Anna. 

And even though they're his friends, he doesn't want to tell Lisa and Meg; doesn't want to see the quick flash of judgment in their eyes. 

Besides, this was just a rough patch for his mom. I mean, she just found out she's getting divorced.

    It'll blow over in a day or so.

"Absolutely." He tells Meg before bidding them farewell and walking over to his car. 

He climbs in and pulls out his phone, needing to make a call before anything else. He dials the familiar number and waits as it rings.

"Penthouse Publishing, this is Hannah. How may I assist you?"

"Hi," Castiel starts. "May I speak with Mrs. Milton, please?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the voice says. "Mrs. Milton didn't come into the office this morning."

     Oh, shit.

Castiel freezes, the weight of what this means settling inside of him. 

Okay. Don't freak out. 

Mom was just too hungover to make it to work today. That's fine. 

That's fine, it's fine.

It's one day, she barely ever takes time off anyway. It'll be fine. 

"Alright, thank you." He sighs, hanging up. He dials another number. 

      "Hello?"

"Hey, dad," Castiel says, doing his best to sound chipper. "Wanna do something tonight?"

"Oh, Castiel, hey!" Castiel could hear his dad's smile. "That sounds wonderful. Have you talked with your mom at all? Is she okay? I haven't heard from her all day and she was in pretty poor shape when I left her."

     The realization hits Castiel all of a sudden. 

His dad doesn't know mom relapsed. If he had, he'd be a lot more frantic. But his voice is the same as always, cool, but a little bit concerned.

      Selfishly, Castiel decides not to be the bearer of bad news.

"She's fine," he lies. "I just got off the phone with her. She's working late tonight, so I was thinking we could see a movie or something?" 

"Great!" His dad's voice is restored back to its usual exuberance. "Whatcha in the mood for?"

Castiel ponders.

     "I was thinking a comedy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Cas :(


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a lot of you guys thought / hoped for a lot of drama with Balthazar and I was gonna write in a chapter where maybe stuff happens, but idk it just didn't work well. 
> 
> So sorry!!! I might add something in the Dean spin off? Idk! 
> 
> But here's this!

     Castiel's mom wasn't getting better.

Not the next day.

Or the day after.

Or the day after that.

     She'd been holing herself up in her office at home, but Castiel strongly suspected not much work was being done. And when she did go into work, Castiel couldn't be the only one who noticed her very obvious hangovers.

The drug usage had seemed to ebb, but the drinking continued to get worse and worse.

     It was becoming increasingly difficult for Castiel to hide mom's problem from Anna. She started off wanting to spend more time with him, which was nice, but he'd rather she stay out of the house and away from mom's mess altogether.

And after pushing her to going out or spend time at Meg or Lisa's so much, she began to listen to him.

She eventually quit asking him to hang out and their once frequent conversations dwindled to small talk.

     He barely sees her anymore.

He feels bad, horrible really, for being such a shitty brother, but he doesn't know what else to do.

     He wants to talk to his mom.

Tell her to stop and that there are other healthier coping methods that won't hurt those around her.

     But he also knows that she feels abandoned right now; he doesn't want to risk making her feel like he's against her, too.

     His dad had left for California and Castiel never managed to work up the nerve to tell him about mom's substance abuse.

So now it's left for him to take action but he doesn't know how. He feels powerless and he hates it.

     So for weeks it seems, he simply devotes himself to keeping Anna out of the loop--which becomes easier and easier as she begins to hate him more and more--and avoiding his mom.

      Lisa and Meg clearly knew something was going on, but they didn't press it. Even Meg started to leave Castiel be.

      It's like he can feel his friends and family slipping through his fingers but he can't do anything to stop it.

      He might've gone insane had it not been for Dean.

As horrified as he is to admit it, Dean's pretty much the only thing getting him through the weeks.

That relief, that temporary high, keeps him sane.

      Castiel feels like a druggie, but he can't help it.

It also helps that he and Dean have started to actually hang out after their sessions. It makes Castiel feel less grimy afterwards, which is nice. Plus, Dean never pushes for him to talk about anything. Usually.

      "What would you do without me?" Dean grins one night, as they lie in his bed still sweaty and panting.

"Live a peaceful life, probably."

Dean chuckles, turning to face Castiel as he runs his hand up his leg. "Liar."

"I'm just," Castiel wants to argue, to wipe that dumb grin off of Dean's face. But how is he supposed to think clearly when his hand is drawing circles on the inside of his thigh? "I'm using you, remember?"

Dean leans in, placing his lips right beside his ear and Castiel shivers when he feels his hot breath hit his skin. "That's cute, Cas. Because I'm certain Balthazar's skipped town by now."

Dean doesn't move his lips from his ear and instead opts to pepper light kisses down his neck to his collarbone. "I think," he says against his skin. "You like me."

Castiel wants to protest; think up some witty retort. But Dean starts sucking a bruise into his skin and he lets out a low groan instead.

"Finally," he pants, when Dean reaches for a condom from the side table.

     And Castiel's worries dissolve for a while longer.

     But in Lit a few days later, it becomes painfully clear that things with Dean are out of control.

Mrs. Hanscum is handing back old papers she's graded while Castiel doodles absentmindedly in his notebook.

"Castiel," he looks up to find Hanscum beaming at him as she places a tan folder on his desk. "I'm very impressed. You and Mr. Winchester make a wonderful team."

He's confused as she walks away, but when he opens the folder he suddenly understands what she'd meant.

     Inside is their analysis of the Roethke poem My Papa's Waltz, with a big _A_ sprawled across the top in red ink. He doesn't even register the big goofy grin that takes over his face as he stares at the paper.

It seems like ages ago that he and Dean wrote this paper together--that they first slept together.

He turns to find Dean across the classroom and instead finds him talking with Jo Harvelle. His hand is on her knee and he has that mischievous glint in his eye; that smirk tugging at his lips.

Scratch that, _flirting_ with Jo Harvelle.

     Castiel is filled with this searing hot emotion and he wants to go over there and yank Dean away. He looks down at the paper suddenly angry, but is completely shell shocked when a thought crosses his mind.

_Slut._

What the _hell._ Jo Harvelle is _not_ a slut. She's sweet and nice and has never done anything remotely offensive to Castiel. So why does he suddenly have the urge to tear her pretty blonde locks from her scalp?

      Oh shit.

Holy _shit!_

He's jealous! He's actually _fucking_ _jealous!_

He must be sick or going insane or something, because there's no way in hell that Castiel would ever be jealous that a self proclaimed _manwhore_ like Dean Winchester is flirting with someone else. It's practically in his job description!

Why should Castiel be jealous?

     The bell rings and Castiel is jerked back to reality.

"Are you okay, C?" Lisa asks as they pack up their things. "You look majorly pissed."

He clenches his jaw. "I'm fine,"

"O-Kay," Lisa sighs. "Also, you should really talk to Anna. I think she really wants to hear from you."

"Okay yeah." He says, but mostly just to get her to stop talking.

     He just needs out of that classroom; away from Dean and Jo and that stupid smirk. He and Lisa part ways and he marches to his locker, practically throwing his stuff into it. He slams the door shut and turns around, running right into a hard chest.

"In a rush?" Zeke laughs, holding his hands out to steady Castiel.

"Oh, wow hey, sorry about that," he sighs, feeling bad that Zeke caught him in such a pissy mood.

"Not a problem," he smiles and just then Castiel notices the big envelope in his hands. "But um, can we talk?"

"Sure," Castiel nods.

     Weeks ago Castiel would be flipping out if Zeke Kyle asked to talk to him. But he's found that Zeke's surprisingly easy to talk to and Castiel would say they've actually become friends. He's even started sitting closer to the front of the room in Dialogues.

They begin to walk down the semi-crowded hallways and pass by their classroom; they have time.

"Okay so," Zeke begins excitedly, his eyes shining. "Remember how I missed school? After Valentine's?"

"Yeah," Castiel nods. "I recall that as the most boring day of Dialogues ever."

Zeke rolls his eyes and Castiel laughs. "Yeah, well I was at an interview." He explains. "I applied to Yale. And I just got my letter this morning."

Their eyes both flit down to the parcel in his hands that remains unopened.

"And why haven't you opened it?"

Zeke blushes and rubs the back of his neck nervously. "I mean, what if I don't get in?"

"You will."

"How do you know?" His eyes dart around and he's flipping the envelope through his fingers nervously. Castiel lets out an exaggerated sigh.

"Because you're Zeke Kyle, boy genius. C'mon, just open it, I'm positive you got in."

Zeke shoots Castiel a grateful semi-shy smile, before ripping open the envelope.

     It's then that Castiel realizes just how much his life has changed. Since when would Zeke Kyle come to him for emotional support with Yale admissions?

He can't help the burst of pride that surges through him for being chosen for this very personal moment.

Zeke unfolds the paper and Castiel stares at his face to gauge his reaction.

     He's...shocked? Is that good? What happened?

"Holy shit," he breathes. "I was accepted." The way he speaks the words has Castiel thinking it's bad news for a split second until a huge grin takes over his face. "Castiel, I got in!"

He grabs him by the shoulders and pulls him into him for a bone crushing hug.

"I knew it!" Castiel beams, hugging him back. Over Zeke's shoulder he can make out Meg, Lisa and Anna staring at him, all looking upset.

"I can't believe this," Zeke laughs animatedly.

"I can."

     The bell rings and they both dissolve into excited laughter, rushing back down the hallway to their class.

 

      Things went downhill from there.

At lunch everyone was especially weird around him; Anna looked downright pissed, which was fair he supposes. But Lisa and Meg were avoiding his gaze too. Even Bela wouldn't look at him.

And of course, when he finally sits in his car ready to go home and relax, its engine sputters before completely shutting down.

      Fan fucking tastic.

"Fuck!" He yells, hitting his steering wheel. "Dammit! Shit! Work you piece of sh--!"

"Easy there, tiger,"

Castiel sucks in a deep breath before looking out his window to see Dean grinning down at him. He glares.

"Wouldn't want such a... _nice,_ car to get hurt, huh?"

"Shut up."

"Hi, Cas!" Sam's head pops up from behind Dean.

"Hey Sam," he sighs, staring at his steering wheel in defeat.

"Do you need a ride?"

"No, no I'm just--"

"Aw, c'mon, Cas," Dean interrupts, flashing him that signature smirk. "We'll give you a ride."

      Images of Dean and Jo pop into his mind and he stubbornly says "No."

Rather than leaving Dean simply reaches in through the open window and extracts his keys from the ignition, pocketing them.

"Dean!"

"My car's this way."

     Huffing, Castiel gets out of the car and grabs his stuff, grumbling as he catches up with Sam and Dean.

"How's your day been, Cas?" Sam asks as Dean unlocks his monster of a car and they pile in.

"Oh just fine until your brother came along."

"Aw, see Sammy?" Dean turns to look at Cas in the back and props an elbow up on the seat. "Toldja he likes me." Castiel shoves Dean's arm off of the seat.

"Mhmm..." Sam trails off, eyeing Dean and Castiel. He narrows his eyes and Castiel's stomach churns.

      Oh God, does he know? Does his tween brain see right through him?

They drive to Dean's uncle's house first to drop Sam off and the ride flies by with arguments over which radio station to pick and whether DC or Marvel is better.

"He's a good kid," Castiel says as Sam runs inside the house.

"Yeah."

"Is he--?"

      "Dean Winchester!"

They both look to their left to see a woman from the house next door storming over. Dean groans and slumps down in his seat, but that doesn't stop the woman from tapping on the closed window until Dean rolls it down.

"Hello Mrs. Visyak. How are you?"

"Oh don't even try to play charming with me, Winchester," she scowls. "I know for a fact your father would _not appreciate this."_ When she says 'this' her eyes zero in on Castiel and he looks around dumbly, wondering what in the hell she's talking about.

"Mrs. Visyak--"

"I hope you know I _am_ going to call him. He deserves to know you're exposing Samuel to your... _special guests."_ She hisses.

Dean flexes his fingers over the steering wheel and his jaw ticks.

"This is Castiel. He's my _friend."_

Mrs. Visyak lets out a bark of laughter. "I'm sure! Well, let's just see if John will approve of your _friend."_

     She stalks away leaving Dean looking more pissed off than Castiel's ever seen him.

     And then it suddenly hits Castiel.

She's going to out Dean to his dad.

_My dad would skin me alive if he knew I screwed guys._

They drive to Castiel's house in tense silence, Dean too pissed to say anything and Castiel too nervous to break the silence.

Finally, Dean speaks up. "I'm so sorry, Cas. She had no right to talk to you like that."

 _He's_ sorry?

"It's fine," he shrugs, relieved to see some of the tension ease out of Dean's shoulders.

"No, it's not." He sighs. "But, thank you."

      Castiel can't resist the urge to grab Dean's hand. He just wants to see him calm down. Smile. Even that cocky smirk would work.

Castiel can tell he's buzzing with nerves and anger as his secret's about to be exposed and he just wants to help him get through it.

      Because...he cares.

Fucking hell, _he cares._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos/comments/share<3 
> 
> literally love u all so much thanks for the support and kind words they make me cry in a good way omg


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS:  
> Alcohol  
> Domestic abuse  
> Derogatory terms

     They pull into Castiel's driveway shortly after and Castiel realizes this is the first time Dean's ever been to his house. 

He's relieved to see his mom's car is gone and he doesn't hesitate to blurt out,

      "Wanna come inside?"

Just as he'd hoped, a knowing smile tugs at Dean's lips as he looks at Castiel. 

"Your parents home?" Castiel shakes his head. "Good."

They get out of the car and Castiel fumbles with unlocking the front door as Dean laughs at him. He'd normally be annoyed, but hey, at least Dean's not sulking anymore.

He lets Dean inside before him and watches as he looks around his house. His small, messy house. He suddenly feels very self conscious.

"Uh, sorry. It's small." He says awkwardly. 

Dean faces Castiel and smiles warmly. "Don't apologize. I like it. It's cozy."

"That's usually nice talk for small,"

Dean shrugs. "It's not lonely." He moves a hand to the back of Castiel's neck and pulls him closer until they bump chests. "Where's your room?"

      They waste no time rushing upstairs.

"I warn you, it's tiny," Castiel says, stopping outside the door. 

Dean rolls his eyes and then they're kissing. They pull away for a split second to open the door and stumble inside. Dean surveys the surroundings before smirking at Castiel. "Big enough." 

"For--?"

Dean grabs him, slams his door shut and has him pushed up against it in record time. He kisses the life out of him. His hands are everywhere and his lips are on his jaw and Castiel's breathing is jagged and lips are right by his ear and--

"Can I ask you something?" 

     Dean pulls away and stares at Castiel. 

"What?"

"What are you running away from?" Dean asks so softly that Castiel almost didn't hear him.

"What?"

     Dean's eyes don't waver from his. "Your ex is gone. And as much as I'd love to believe you just like my company, I know that's not it. Yet you still want me around. So, what are you running away from now?"

Castiel places a hand on Dean's chest and pushes him away, suddenly irritated. 

Not that Castiel's running away from anything, but even if he was, what the hell makes that any of Dean's business? 

"Nothing."

"Cas, don't lie--"

"I'm not," he snaps, even though he clearly is. "Whatever. It's none of your business, Dean." Castiel sits down on his bed  
stubbornly. 

"Alright," 

Dean's using that I'm Going to be Patient Until You Cooperate voice parents use with little kids. 

     Yeah well fuck him. 

Castiel's not talking. He may not hate Dean anymore and his emotions might be a little (okay _a lot_ ) fucked up lately, but the guy's not his psychiatrist. 

      He's still just his fuck buddy.

Dean walks over to join him on his bed and pushes Castiel back, crawling on top of him. "We should go back to making out."

"Sounds good."

      They start kissing again. 

There's not nearly as much room in Castiel's bed as in Dean's but they still manage to get each other out of their shirts with ease. Dean pulls Castiel up and into his lap and his hands drift down his back and then--

"Shit." 

They jump away from each other panting, eyes blown wide. 

      He'd heard the car door too. 

Castiel pulls aside his curtain to peer out the window. His mom's car is parked next to Dean's.

"Fuck," he mutters to himself. 

"Should I leave?" Dean asks, coming up behind him, pulling his shirt on.

"No, no we should be okay," he replies. "We just, I mean, we can't do _that."_

A brief silence settles in the air and Castiel looks at Dean, whose hair and clothes are all messed up. Dammit, he wants to go back to kissing. 

      But instead, like complete and total losers, they spread out on Castiel's bedroom floor and play Sorry! for the next three hours.

Their conversations never stray far from trash talk or school and it's nice. Finally some normalcy is restored. 

Shortly after the sun has set, Dean gets to his feet and stretches. "I guess I should get home,"

"Alright, I'll walk you out."

      Castiel is so relaxed after spending the day with Dean that he's managed to forget about his currently shitty situation. 

Until they get downstairs and pass the living room, the pungent smell of whiskey in the air. 

Blood rushes to his face with embarrassment and he finds himself hoping to just make it to the front door without incident.

_Please don't notice, please don't notice._

"Angel!"

      Fuck.

Castiel braces himself and turns to face his mom, who by the looks of it, is already wasted. She stumbles to her feet and immediately spies Dean who's shifting uncomfortably by the front door.

"Angel, I didn't know you had a friend over!" Castiel refrains from pointing out that there was an unfamiliar car in the driveway.

"Who's this?"

"Hello, ma'am, I'm Dean Winchester." He says, so perfectly polite despite obviously picking up on her drunkenness. How couldn't he? "I'm a friend of your son's."

Castiel's mom takes a graceless swig from the bottle in her hand and narrows her eyes at Dean.

      Castiel can feel his throat closing up. 

_Please stay calm, please stay calm._

"A _friend._ I'll bet." 

He hears Dean cough uncomfortably at her insinuation and Castiel lets out a fake laugh to try and normalize the situation.

"I do have friends other than Anna, mom." 

"You sure were up in your bedroom a long time," she says and Castiel flushes, unable to pretend any longer. 

    _God please just end me,_ he thinks. 

Dean tries his best to feign total innocence, using one of those Golly-Gee! voices kids use on oldies sitcoms as he exclaims,  
"We played just about five games of Sorry! Mrs. Milton. Your son sure is good at board games."

      Like _that_ Castiel's mom goes off. 

" _Sorry!_ Ha!" She barks. "How stupid do you think I am?"

"Mom--"

"Shut up, Castiel!" Her drink sloshes onto the floor and Castiel can't find it in him to even look at Dean anymore. 

      This is the most mortifying moment of his entire life. 

"I know what you've been up to. Don't think I don't know my son is a whoreish cock-sucker,"

_Holy fuck._

The words are out and Castiel wishes nothing more than to be able to shove them back in her mouth. He wonders what Dean's thinking and cringes knowing it can't be anything good. 

     Even worse is the total shock. 

He's never heard anything remotely vile come out of his mom's mouth let alone something like that. He didn't even know she knew those kinds of words. 

      That's just it. 

She doesn't. This is not his mom. She's drunk. She would never say these things sober. She just needs to be reminded that this is not her; this is not something she would ever do in a million years. 

      With a sudden surge of confidence Castiel reaches out and grabs the bottle from her hand. 

"Stop."

      For a second, he feels good. 

Finally, he's seizing control, addressing the problem head on. He feels capable for once in a long time; like he's on his way to finding resolution. 

"I should go," Dean mumbles and Castiel hears the front door opening.

      Castiel starts to turn around to say goodbye but never gets the chance. 

He feels the bottle slip from his hand and hears it shatter on the floor. He feels himself hit the ground and he feels bits of glass pinch the palms of his hands. 

      He doesn't even realize what just happened until he feels the delayed pain in his cheek.

It was like he'd been hit by something.

      Something hard.

      Something like the back of his mom's hand.

Castiel's hands are shaking as he reaches up to touch his face, not even really registering the pain, more so the total shock.

      Did that seriously just happen?

The sound of his mom yelling yanks him into the cold realization that yes, that did seriously just happen. 

"See, Castiel!" She sneers in a way he's never heard before. "Boys don't stay with _fags._ This is for your own good."

He looks up just in time to see his mom reaching down to grab him and shuts his eyes, not wanting to believe that this is his mom. 

      He waits for hands to clamp down on him, but they never come. 

Instead he hears a loud crash, his mom swears loudly and then Dean's arm is around his waist helping him up.

"You piece of shit!" His mom is screaming; actually _screaming._ "Get the fuck out of my house! Castiel, if you go with that bastard, don't come back!"

      The words go over Castiel's head and he's not even given a chance to consider staying because Dean's already ushering him out the door.

"No way in hell you're staying here." 

They get to Dean's car in record time considering Castiel's legs barely work. 

He hears his mom swing open the front door and scream profanities after them until Dean starts his car and they drive away.

 

      The drive to Dean's house starts silent. Castiel's too humiliated to try and fill the silence.

He glances over and sees Dean working his jaw, occasionally casting worried glances at him as if he wants to say something, but stops himself every time.

"That's never happened before," Castiel mumbles, unsure as to why he feels the need to explain himself, though he does. 

"Okay,"

"Just don't think that that's normal for me because I promise it's not."

"Okay,"

"My parents are getting divorced and my mom just isn't taking it very well."

"Cas, okay--"

"That's not normal, that's not normal for us or for me and I just don't want you to think it is because it isn't and it won't happen again and it hasn't happened before and I swear everything's fine and this will blow over because _everything's fine--"_

     Castiel's blubbering and he hates how damn pathetic he sounds but it's like everything that's been building these past weeks suddenly bursts out of him and the next thing he knows, he's sobbing.

     How did this even happen?

His mom is the sweetest, kindest woman that Castiel knows and she would never in her right mind hurt anybody intentionally.

The words she'd spoken with such malice seem unreal, like something to happen at the turning point in a dramatic movie rather than his life.

      It's like everything has gone off the deep end head first and this time there's no escaping it. Because what just happened is completely and utterly real and the witness is right here beside him.

Dean doesn't say anything and it takes Castiel a while to pull himself together. 

     He hadn't even realized that Dean's holding his hand.

They pull into a familiar driveway and Dean lets go of his hand. Castiel wants to protest but Dean quickly kills the engine and gets out of the car, coming around to help Castiel out.

      He doesn't really need the help, but it's nice and he likes how Dean's arm feels around him.

When they get inside Dean helps him upstairs and disappears for a quick moment to get him a glass of water, which he makes him drink.

      Afterwards they sit together on his bed in silence; not uncomfortable but both deep in thought.

Castiel wonders what sort of horrible things Dean must be thinking about him and his family.

      God, he cannot believe that happened.

"Are you okay?" Dean eventually speaks up. "Like do you need anything? An ice pack or more water...?"

Castiel shakes his head. "I'm fine."

Dean leans back against his pile of pillows and Castiel leans against him. He welcomes the way Dean immediately wraps an arm around his shoulders. 

"At least now I know," Dean whispers. Castiel looks to him questioningly. "What you're running from."

       Castiel remains silent.

"How come you didn't tell me your mom has a drinking problem?"

Castiel shrugs. "It'll blow over."

      Dean twines his fingers with his and Castiel should be worried by how natural this all feels, but he's not. 

"You need to talk to her," Dean says quietly, moving his hand to play with the hair at the nape of Castiel's neck. "When she's sober, I mean. What happened tonight can't happen again."

"Yeah, like I don't get that," he snaps, sitting up a little. "You know what, why don't you talk to your parents, Dean? How about your dad?"

Dean turns quiet and looks away, and Castiel knows that he understands. It's not that easy to just tell your parents they need to change. 

Castiel lets out a humorless laugh. "You know nobody's ever insinuated I'm easy before. And I've also never been called a fag. Not even in middle school. Guess today's a two for one."

"Cas..."

"And the thing is, they're right."

Dean's hand clenches his. "They're not, Cas."

"Yeah? That's rich. I'm fucking someone I'm not dating. I'm lying to my family. Lying to my friends. Mrs. Vis-whatever is right for thinking I'm a pig because I am. My mom's right too because--"

      _Boys don't stay with fags._

Castiel looks away.

"Cas, look at me, okay? _Look at me._ They're wrong. You're not a pig. You're not a fag. You're Castiel Milton and I--" Dean breaks off and closes his eyes, drawing in a deep breath.

      Castiel's heart is hammering at the sight of Dean so emotional.

"Those are just cheap words people use to rip each other apart." Dean whispers. "You're you and believe me when I say that you're amazing."

When Castiel doesn't say anything Dean takes his face in his hands and leans in close. "They're just labels. They're not you."

      The earnestness in his eyes and the words pouring effortlessly from his mouth assure Castiel of one thing; these are the things Dean wishes he'd been told.

_They're just labels.  
_

_They're not you.  
_

_I'm here.  
_

_I understand.  
_

_You're not alone._

     Castiel draws in a shaky breath and leans forward, pressing his lips to Dean's in a soft kiss.

      There's no aggression. No desperation. 

Just their lips moving together gently and their hands connected.

      Nothing is rushed, nothing is forced. 

When Dean lays down on his bed and pulls Castiel on top of him, it's not passionate and heated.

It's soft and natural.

When they remove their shirts, it's not out of sex crazed hormones, but to simply enjoy the comfort of each other under their hands. 

This time, it's not about sex.

It's not about forgetting.

      It's about Castiel and Dean. 

And this time, Castiel doesn't feel like this is dirty or wrong.

Not even close. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!! this chap was so hard for me to write honestly


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg you're all going to hate me

      When Castiel wakes up the next morning he's comfortable.

It's like a peace has finally settled after nothing but storm.

      He knows he still has everything to deal with when he returns home, but for now all he feels is Dean's arm around him and his warm breath hitting the back of his neck. And it feels good.

Like everything might actually turn out to be alright, despite the events of last night.

     Until Castiel catches sight of a red bra in the corner of the room and reality comes crashing down on him.

      Just forgotten property of some nameless, faceless girl. One of many nameless, faceless girls, in fact.

     He suddenly remembers who he's in bed with; who he's decided to lean on for support and he knows he shouldn't feel this comfortable having chosen Dean Winchester.

He shouldn't feel nearly this safe or content because although last night may have changed how he sees Dean, he knows it's changed how Dean sees him. And not positively. He'd seen him so pathetically vulnerable and if Castiel doesn't get the hell out of here now he'll undoubtedly wish he had.

     He can't stay, no matter how right it feels to be curled up next to Dean.

He can't fall into this mess of sloppy emotions when his life's already fucked up enough.

     He can't, because it doesn't matter how he feels about Dean now, because he'll never feel the same way.

     He's Dean Winchester.

Dean Winchester who's charming and cute and knows how to get exactly what he wants.

Dean Winchester who's probably had million nights like last night; all with different girls thinking _This Is Different,_ just like Castiel.

Dean Winchester, who despite being nicer and more mature and empathetic than Castiel had bargained for, is still the guy who's slept around with and used half the school.

     Besides, Castiel's just the GBF.

The thought makes him want to puke.

Why did he have to be the GBF?  

Why couldn't he just be some cute preppy girl who might actually stand a chance being with Dean? Someone like Jo or even Lisa.

 _What the hell am I thinking?_ Castiel's thoughts slam to a halt. _Since when do I want to be anything with Dean?_

_Since you've fallen for him?_

The thought hits him hard and he immediately wishes he could un-think it.

     Okay, no.

He has not _fallen_ for Dean. He does not _love_ Dean Winchester.

Love is a huge deal which takes years of trust and trials to build up to. Not something that spawns from a few weeks of high school sex.

     And even if he did love him, he wouldn't let anything come of it. Not again.

He's not about to get all close to someone thinking they feel the same way, only for it to blow up in his face later. He's learned his lesson with Balthazar.

     Besides, getting close means inevitably and eventually getting hurt and after last night Dean has more than enough to hurt him with.

      _Maybe not love, but you like him,_ a voice taunts. _A lot._

     Shit.

The voice is right.

     This is more than a crush. More than what he'd felt for Zeke. Maybe even more than what he'd felt for Balthazar when they were together.

      Castiel's horrified and the arms around him begin to feel too warm; too constricting.

Castiel crawls out of Dean's embrace and shuffles around the room for his discarded clothes.

     After getting dressed he slips into the en suite and takes out his cell phone.

He takes a deep breath and before he can talk himself out of it, he dials Anna's number. He knows she's probably majorly pissed at him and it's early on a Saturday morning, but he convinces himself she'll pick up.

     And she does.

"Hello?" She grunts, clearly having just woken up.

"Hey, Anna, sorry to wake you up," Castiel says quietly, glancing at Dean's sleeping body through a crack in the door. "Um, can you do me a favor?"

"What?" She sounds more awake. "What is it?"

"Can you get Meg and Lisa and come pick me up? I need to go home."

"Home? Castiel, where the hell are you?"

He draws in a breath and spits out the words before he can talk himself out of it. "I'm at Dean Winchester's."

     Silence.

"We'll be there in ten minutes."

She hangs up and Castiel lets out a sigh of relief. He knows answering all the questions and explaining, well, _everything,_ will be a total pain in the ass, but at least he's getting out.

      He steps back into Dean's room and grabs his jacket, pulling it on to be ready when Anna comes. After four minutes he almost thinks he can make a clean escape, but then Dean shifts under the covers and his voice rings through the air.

"Most people sleep in on Saturday's."

     And then he's sitting up, a sleepy smile on his face and his hair all messed up. There's a bruise on his neck that Castiel recalls putting there last night and he looks away, stomach churning.

"Dean, we need to talk."

"Uh oh," he replies, his voice teasing.

"Listen," Castiel says, unsure of what to say exactly. "Um, you're a good guy and I really appreciate everything you've...done,"

     God, why did this sound so much like a breakup?

Dean arches an eyebrow, suspiciously. "I'm a good guy? Who are you and where's the real Cas?"

His tone is light and joking and it's like he's himself again. Like last night never even happened.

     Just another reinforcement that entertaining the idea of a _Them_ is a bad idea.

"We should stop." He says sternly. "Sleeping together."

When he looks up Dean just looks surprised. "Why?"

      Castiel finds he's kind of hurt Dean's not. He'd kind of expected him to try harder to make him stay.

"This isn't working anymore," he says. Not a complete lie.

Dean's expressions softens a little and Castiel sees just a bit of last night's Dean. "Is this about yesterday?" He asks. "'Cause if it is, it's not a big d--"

"It's not that."

"Then what?"

"I'm waltzing," Castiel mumbles so softly Dean doesn't hear.

"What?"

"Nothing," he says, gathering himself and making his way to the door. "This is done."

"Cas--"

A sharp honk from outside saves him from having to stay and explain himself and Castiel gets the hell out. He runs down the stairs and grabs his shoes and swings open the front door. 

     He hears Dean call after him but he ignores it and puts it behind him.

     Just like he hopes to do with Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol cas is a dumb POS ik  
> Kudos/comment/share<3 ily all!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler, so sorry! But officially on winter break so updates should be sooner!:)

     Meg revs the engine from behind the wheel of her mom's Lexus as Castiel climbs into the back, quietly. 

All three girls are wearing pajamas underneath their jackets, their hair mussed up with bags underneath their eyes. It's obvious they'd dropped everything to come pick them up. 

     He immediately feels guilty.

"Hi." He mumbles, staring at his lap.

Anna turns from the passenger's seat to stare at him as Meg pulls from the driveway. 

"Okay, start talking." She says, her voice not exactly antagonizing but not calm either. "Preferably beginning with why we're picking you up from Dean Winchester's."

"Because I spent the night?" He responds, knowing fully well that's not what she wants to hear. 

"I thought you hated him," Lisa says softly and the wide eyed confusion on her face makes him feel even worse.

     It's obvious she's genuinely concerned for him. And all Anna's been doing is looking for answers, and Meg's quieter than ever. 

     Man, he's been a shitty friend.

"I _do!"_ He scrambles, despite his mess of feelings. "I just...It's complicated." 

Castiel knows the truth is going to come out; he's not trying to avoid it or prolong it. He doesn't even mind telling it (okay, he's not eager, but it's for the best, he knows that). 

      But he is genuinely at a loss of where to begin. So much has happened that they don't know about; it feels like trying to summarize the entire Star Wars universe in one sentence.

"Look, Castiel," Anna sighs as the frustration drains from her features and is replaced with sadness. "We just want to know what's been going on with you. We love you, C! And I totally would've understood if you just needed alone time, but the C I know would've told me he needs alone time. He wouldn't just shut me out and push us away, only to then go running to Zeke Kyle--"

"What?"

"--And then call us asking to get him from Dean Winchester's." Anna finishes, exasperated. "We just want some answers."

There's an expectant silence and Castiel lets out a deep breath.

"We've been sleeping together."

"You and...Dean?" Meg asks.

"Yeah,"

"Since when?" 

"Um, I don't know. A while? Like, maybe January?"

     They're quiet for a long moment, absorbing the information they've just been given. Castiel can understand their silence; the last they'd heard from him he'd emotionally kissed the guy but that's as far as it went.

Lisa speaks up, timidly. "Why?"

      He knows his answer is going to hurt them. He knows they wish he'd come to them and opened up about his feelings but he didn't. Instead he went to Dean. 

"It was a decent outlet for my emotions," he mumbles. "I know you guys are always there for me but everything got really overwhelming and I didn't want to talk about it. With Dean I didn't have to and it was a good way to make everything stop for a while, you know? In a non-suicidal way."

      To their credit, the girls don't make a big deal over his sleeping with Dean. They simply remain contemplative.

"So, that's where you've been gone to all this time?" Anna asks, her voice unreadable.

"Yeah."

Anna turns to him with a smirk. "Cardio huh?"

Castiel's face heats up. "Shut up,"

"So...are you guys like, dating now?" Meg asks from the front.

"Ooh, yeah!" Lisa grabs his arm. "I can see it! Dean and Castiel, Castiel and Dean--"

      Great. Just what he wants to talk about. 

"Stop. We're not dating."

"Why not?" Anna pouts. "If you like him--"

"I don't!" He says too loudly. "I don't...like Dean." Aw who's he kidding? "Okay, so maybe I care about him _sometimes_. And I think about him a lot. But I still want to strangle him, even though I also want to kiss him sometimes--"

Lisa squeals. "Ohmygod, C, you love him!" 

He whirls around. "No! _No_ , no I don't _love_ him."

"Okay, sheesh," she holds her hands up in surrender. 

"But you have feelings for him?" Meg asks, all of the girls far too eager looking to match Castiel's gloominess.

"I guess." He grumbles.

"Okay...and why're you so upset about this?" Anna laughs. "Dean's cute! And you've apparently spent a lot of time together and you like him--!"

God, why aren't they understanding this? They know Dean's reputation just as well as he does.

"But he doesn't like _me_. And he never will, okay?" He cries out frustratedly. "Don't you guys get this?"

     To his total dismay, the girls laugh.

"And uh, why wouldn't he ever like you back?" Meg asks, her voice irritatingly nonchalant.

" _Because_." Castiel groans. "I'm the GBF."

"The what?"

"The Gay Best Friend."

Lisa arches an eyebrow. "Um, okay? And?"

"And the GBF is _nothing_. Unexciting...unassuming...disposable, with no real worth--"

"Then you're not the GBF."

"Apparently I am."

"Yeah and who told you that?" Meg scoffs, disbelieving.

      Check mate.

"Dean."

Her mouth drops open. "Wait, for real? He said that?"

"It was like the first thing he said to me."

Lisa nods as if understanding something. "Okay, so he's gotten to know you now. I'm sure he still doesn't see you that way."

"Even so, he's still sleeping with other people." The words sound sadder coming from his mouth than he'd intended. 

      A beat passes before Meg changes the subject. 

"So what's up with you and Zeke?"

"What do you mean?"

"She means we saw you guys having a moment in the hall." Lisa grins.

"He got into Yale!" Castiel protests. "We were celebrating."

"See that's exactly the point," Anna says. "So much has changed! Since when are you and Zeke Kyle so tight? And since when are you so calm about it?"

"I don't know," he shrugs. "Not that much has changed." Not entirely true but okay. "I still like Zeke, but we're...friends now. And the thing with Dean is..."

      Different.

He feels totally different and changed and like he's never felt this strongly about someone else. 

"...stupid." He finishes. "I'd rather forget it even happened."

"What about mom and dad?" Anna asks quietly as Meg turns onto their street. 

"They'll be okay," 

     And he knows they will be. He'll make sure of it now.

Because now that things have caught up with him, he'll let other things catch up too. Things like his relationship with his sister.

     He locks eyes with her.

"But we have a lot to talk about."

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a splendid holiday(":  
> Love you all, thanks for reading! I'm gonna try and upload once a day(??)  
> This story is in the homestretch, brothers!!!

     Castiel stands on their front porch nervously fidgeting as Anna unlocks the door. He waves to Meg and Lisa in the car and watches it pull from their driveway. 

     Time to face the truth.

He follows Anna inside and is instantly met by his mother, her eyes red; not in the stoned way but in the I-Cried-A-Lot way. Her skin is pale, almost grey, and she looks sick. 

"Castiel."

     She doesn't smell like alcohol. 

Anna's eyes dart between them and Castiel lets out a breath he hadn't realized he's been holding. 

"Hey, mom." He says, unsure. 

     She moves towards him slowly, as if she's expecting him to run away. When he doesn't budge, she wraps her arms around him, pulls him to her chest and buries her face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry," she sobs, her shoulders shaking. "I'm so sorry, Angel."

"I know." Castiel replies, tightening his arms around her. 

     And he is crying too.

 

     Castiel, his mom and Anna talked more that day than they have in a long time.

Not that Castiel wasn't close with his family before shit hit the fan, he was, he just had trouble vocalizing his emotions and all that jazz. 

     Usually they all talked about school or what was on TV. Politics or current events over dinner, little rants and validations in the car.

     But now?

No, they _talked_.

They talked about school and how Anna's grades were slipping (Castiel should've known she wasn't as fine as she'd seemed). 

They talked about the divorce and Castiel confessed he knew about it before Anna (she was surprisingly understanding).

They talked about their dad and how he wasn't coming back this time.

"I guess it's good," Anna murmurs. "This just isn't the right place for him anymore and that's okay."

Their mom nods. "I know. I've even known he wasn't...happy for a while. I guess I just hoped maybe things would get better on their own."

"I think he was hoping for the same thing," Castiel places a hand on his mom's shoulder. "That's why he kept coming back."

They talked about their mom's substance abuse; leaving out the unnecessarily harsh details to Anna. 

      Anna wasn't angry or resentful for being so out of the loop, but she did insist that mom begins seeing a therapist every week along with biweekly Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

They even started looking into different programs online while their mom poured the last of her whiskey down the kitchen drain.

"Is your face alright?" His mom asks him for the hundredth time that day, reaching out to trace the faint bruise lightly.

"I'm fine," he insists, though she continues to shake her head at herself and mumble more teary-eyes apologies.

     Castiel thinks he hugs Anna and his mom more times that day than in his entire lifetime.

As he climbs into bed, exhausted and relieved from a day of so many emotions and so much soul-bearing, his mom cracks open his bedroom door. 

"Angel," she says softly. "Thank your friend for me."

He rolls around to look at her, confused. "What?"

"The boy who was with you last night." She smiles. Castiel's gut churns. "What was his name?"

"Oh, uh, Dean." He mutters. 

"Right, well...he was very brave, Castiel. I'm glad he did what he did. Now, I don't know what's going on with you two, but it's nice to know my son has someone who cares about him so much."

"Yeah," he turns over restlessly.

_Cares about him. Sure._

"Anyway, next time you see him, tell him thanks."

She closes the door.

"There won't be a next time." He says to himself, burying himself underneath his covers.

     Both of his parents have finally faced reality. They've given up their distractions.

      Now it's his turn.

Unfortunately, there's no weekly meetings or 12 step program for quitting Dean Winchester.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos/share/comment<3
> 
> Also, since my dream job is to score movies I've been making a soundtrack for certain moments in The GBF. You can find the soundtrack in chapter 29 along with fun facts :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are gonna hate me even more lol.

     Castiel is positive Dean won't approach him at school.

Why would he?

That would mean he misses Castiel.

Which he doesn't.

     No matter how much Castiel really really wants him to.

But the reality is, Dean isn't losing anything.

Surely, he has replacement girls lined up to fill any gaps Castiel's left in his busy schedule.

     Unfortunately for Castiel, Dean's absence is not so easily ignored. But rather than wallow around like a pathetic loser, Castiel develops a fool proof recovery plan for school.

      1. Don't look at Dean. Don't even look at his side of the classroom. It doesn't matter if Castiel thinks he can feel those eyes on him, don't look.

     2. Always keep busy when class is not in session. Listen to music, shuffle through notes, or chat with a friend. By not allowing himself a spare second, he won't be tempted to fantasize about Dean.

     3. Leave school ASAP at the end of every day to avoid seeing him and his stupid Impala. This has been made possible after Castiel's mom took in his Continental to get fixed.

All in all, his Cold Turkey Dean Addiction plan is flawless. It'll be like he doesn't even exist.

      Except it's not.

By the end of Monday Castiel realizes the one glaring flaw in his plan: 

Not seeing Dean doesn't necessarily equate to not thinking about Dean.

In fact, Castiel spends even more time thinking about Dean than he did when they were messing around.

      Until Tuesday afternoon.

Castiel's on his way to Dialogues, music blaring in his ears as he tries to focus on lyrics instead of freckles, when Zeke falls into step beside him. He takes out his earbuds.

"Hey stranger," Zeke smiles.

"Hey." Castiel tries to sound somewhat friendly and not quite so pissy. "What's new, Mr. Ivy League?"

Zeke grins and rolls his eyes, but the blush across his cheeks is evident. "Not much. Trying to figure out what to write my final paper on. Do you know yet?"

Castiel shrugs. "It's cliché, but I was thinking same sex marriage."  
"Not cliché at all," Zeke says. "I was thinking something along the same lines."

"Wow, guess we have a lot in common." Castiel drawls sarcastically. After all, there aren't _that many_ out students at LHS. He'd meant to come off teasing, but when Zeke fixes his eyes on his Castiel swallows nervously.

"Guess we do." Zeke replies. A beat passes before he speaks up again. "So. Got any plans Friday night?"

"I actually have a pretty hot date with Netflix." Castiel jokes, bumping shoulders with Zeke.

Zeke bumps him back and smiles warmly. "Think you could cancel?"

"Well that depends. What for?"

They arrive at their classroom and stop walking. "A date." Zeke turns to face him and draws in a nervous breath. "...With me."

     Castiel did not see that coming.

Did Zeke Kyle seriously ask him out? The guy he's been crushing on for the past two years? Ask _him_. On a _date?_

Like a complete douche, Castiel says,

     "Wait. Seriously?"

Fortunately Zeke lets out an adorable little laugh. "Yeah, seriously."

     Holy shit.

Castiel's never been out on an actual date. Unless you count making out with Balthazar in the woods, which he doesn't.

And this is Zeke Kyle for god's sake. It's like diving head first into the deep end.

But of course he's going to say yes. Of course he wants to go out with Zeke.

 _Only you haven't fucking accepted yet_ he thinks. _Say yes already!  
_

_"_ Yeah, yes." Castiel stumbles, hoping he didn't take too long to respond. "I would like that. Thank you."

      _Thank you?_

For fuck's sake.

Zeke just shakes his head, his eyes crinkling as he laughs. "You're welcome." He teases. "So, this Friday. I'll pick you up around seven?"

"Yeah, sounds good." Castiel can't help but smile. "I look forward..."

     He trails off as the inevitable happens.

His mind floods with thoughts of Dean. The playboy. The manwhore. The one guy who could totally ruin something as amazing as this for him.

     Castiel likes Zeke. Zeke seems to like Castiel. Why can't it be as simple as that?

Because his stupid, unrequited feelings for Dean are...more.  
More intense. More passionate. More emotional.  
With more inevitable hurt.

      _Snap out of it._

He's supposed to be moving on, right? What better way to move on then indulging in a date with a cute guy?

"I'm looking forward to it," Castiel finishes, forcing a smile.

"Me too."

     And then too fast for Castiel to even think about it, Zeke's lacing his fingers with his and they enter the classroom like that.

     Open. Guilt-free. Innocent.

Castiel's head is in the clouds. And it stays there.

     For the rest of the week Castiel doesn't even think about Dean. He doesn't even have to try to not look at him. His mind is too preoccupied with thoughts like _What should I wear? What the fuck do I do with my hair?_ and _To shave or not to shave?_

     Fortunately, Meg, Lisa and Anna are experts when it comes to dating.

By the time Friday night rolls around, he's outfitted in a unanimously approved light blue button down with black jeans and the "nice shoes" he usually reserves for funerals and class presentations. Meg's managed to somehow tame his usually unruly hair and he has to admit, he feels sorta hot.

"Oh my God, C!" Lisa squeals, as the girls step back to admire their handiwork.

"Damn, Clarence," Meg whistles. "I always knew you were hot but this just isn't fair."

"Okay, gross." Anna wrinkles her nose. "He looks _nice_. That's all."

"He looks totally fuckable--"

"Meg!"

Castiel laughs and draws them in for a quick hug, at last feeling like his life is back on track.

"Alright, um--"

The doorbell rings and Castiel glances at his clock.

     7:00 on the dot.

God, could Zeke do anything wrong?

"Go!" Lisa urges, beaming. "We'll be right here when you get back."

"In my room?" He asks, chuckling.

They harmoniously answer,  
"Yes."

Shaking his head, Castiel pulls on his sister-approved blazer and checks himself in the mirror one more time before he's being pushed downstairs.

     As he stares at the front door, he's suddenly irrationally, overwhelmingly nervous.

He opens the door.

Zeke's standing on his front porch looking downright gorgeous in a plaid button down and khakis. He looks like a Kennedy. Or a Ken doll.

     Something in between.

He flashes Castiel a boyish smile. "Hi."

"Hey."

There's a slightly awkward pause until Zeke speaks up. "You look amazing."

Castiel swears he feels the blood rush to his face. "No, I don't."

 _No I don't?_ What the fuck? Why can't he just take a fucking compliment?

Rather than roll his eyes and tease him or reassure him he's fine, Zeke just looks confused, which leads to a longer awkward silence.

"I...never mind, thank you." Castiel fumbles.

     Jesus, what if he's already driven Zeke away? Before the date's even started?

Luckily, things go much smoother from there.

     Zeke opens the door of his Prius for him, just like in the movies. They go to a cute Italian restaurant and chat over chicken parmesan and Pellegrino.

      By the time they leave the restaurant Castiel's nerves have died down. In fact, he's having such a good time that when they exit the building he finds himself disappointed the date is near over.

     Fortunately, Zeke seems to feel the same way.

"Want to walk around or something?" He asks, taking Castiel's hand in his. "It's not that late...unless you want to go home, which is also completely fine."

"I'm in no rush," Castiel smiles.

      And he's not.

So they stroll down the dimly lit sidewalk, peering into the display windows of small boutiques and shops.

Castiel speaks up. "So, are you excited for Yale?"

"Yeah!" He nods, his face lighting up. "They have an amazing poli-sci program which I'm really looking forward to. How about you? What're you studying?"

"Unsure," Castiel admits. He eyes Zeke's expression waiting for the judgment though it never comes. "Maybe journalism?"

"I could see that," he concedes, grinning.

"And why's that?"

"Hard-hitting, articulate realist like you? It's written in the stars." Zeke drawls. "Besides, I have a feeling you could do anything you set your mind to."

     Okay, he'll admit it. He blushes.

"Sorry, was that too corny?" Zeke asks.

"Maybe," Castiel chuckles, his face on fire at this point. "But um that's okay."

"Good. It'd be pretty cool to date a journalist."

      _Date?_

Okay yeah this is a date, but are they dating?

Regardless, hearing the words from Zeke's mouth make him smile, albeit nervous.

     But then Zeke's tugging him towards him by the hand and all thoughts fly out the window. He reaches out and grazes his hand against Castiel's cheek and Castiel momentarily forgets how to breathe.

"Eyelash," Zeke grins, but Castiel's not _that_ stupid. So he's not taken by surprise when Zeke slides his hand to the side of his neck and tilts his face up towards his. He leans in slowly, giving Castiel plenty of time to push him away--he doesn't.

     And then Zeke kisses him.

Not in a sexy, throes of passion! way, but not a peck either.

     It's gentle and sweet.

Perfect.

 

Castiel slips back into his house just past ten o'clock and finds his mom watching a Discovery Channel documentary, munching on popcorn.

"Hey Angel," she smiles. "How was your date?"

"Great." Castiel shrugs off his jacket and kicks off his shoes, smiling.

      After that kiss, he's unsure if he'll ever be able to wipe the grin off his face.

"That's good to hear," she says, before her eyes flicker up to his bedroom. "Alright, Anna and the girls have been restless all night. Get up there."

"Alright, goodnight!" Castiel beams, halfway up the stairs when she calls out to him. "Yeah?"

"What ever happened to your friend, Dean?"

Castiel freezes. "What?"

His mom shrugs. "I just haven't heard much about him lately."

"Oh."

     Why oh why did she have to bring him up?

"We don't really talk anymore."

His mom shoots him a sympathetic look that makes him want to sink into the floor and she opens her mouth to speak up.

      By some miracle, he's saved by Anna rushing out into the hall, spotting him and dragging him into his room.

The girls sit him down and demand every detail about his date; from what they talked about to what Zeke smelled like.

      It's almost enough to push the resurfacing thoughts of Dean from his mind.

Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a shot every time I say "Fortunately" or "Unfortunately" in this chapter I fuckin dare u omg


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uploading while my brothers sitting next to me watching Fast& Furious Tokyo Drift and quoting every single line omg everyone's a fan girl at heart

     After staying up well into the morning gushing about his perfect date, Castiel's good mood is restored in time for school Monday.

     What's there to be upset about?

Things at home are back to normal; maybe even better. He has his friends back and just went out with the perfect boy.

"So, what's with you and Zeke?" Lisa sings, as they walk out to his car. "Any hot new gossip?"

"Not really," he shrugs. "He's coming over after school today."

     Instantly, he's met with three suggestive gazes. 

"God, not for that, pervs."

"Mhmm," Meg winks. "Use protection, Clarence."

"You guys are sick." He laughs, unlocking the Lincoln and starting it up. "We're really just gonna work on our Dialogues papers tog--"

His phone starts ringing and Anna grabs it for him. She reads the caller ID out loud.

"Who's D-Dawg?" She snorts and immediately Castiel's shoulders tense up. 

     He still recalls Dean putting his contact name in as that and making fun of him until Dean very effectively shut him up.

     He remains silent.

"Uh, want me to answer?" Anna asks, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Don't." 

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to talk to Dean." 

     He hears a chorus of knowing sighs and then the ringing cuts out. Even still, Castiel's on edge.

"You still haven't talked to him?" Meg asks, her voice unreadable. 

"No."

"Like, not since we picked you up from his house?"

"Correct."

"Castiel..."

     The car grows silent as the girls undoubtedly draw their own conclusions.

"What do you think he wants?" Lisa finally asks. 

"Probably sex," Castiel shrugs, even though he knows that's not true. 

"Then it's good you didn't answer." Anna chimes in, her voice firm. "He doesn't deserve you. And now you have Zeke who's perfect for you and actually respects you. Unlike that asshole." 

     Castiel flinches.

He wants to defend Dean. Really, he didn't treat Castiel badly. Sure, he'd coined him the GBF in the first place and maintained the nickname, but overall he was a good guy. 

     But Castiel remains quiet.

Anna still doesn't know all the gory details about his last night with Dean and how he'd been an honest to God friend. And she's probably just trashing him because she's scared Castiel might go running back into his arms and away from her. 

     Defending Dean would've done nothing to put Anna's mind at ease.

Besides, Dean isn't _better_ than Zeke. Just...different. 

As they pull into their driveway and Meg and Lisa pile out, lost in their own conversation, Castiel turns to his sister. 

"Don't worry about me, Anna. Okay? You're right, Zeke's great. He's made moving on a lot easier and I'm actually...happy."

She just about glows. "Good."

     They walk inside together and Castiel runs upstairs to clean up his room somewhat before Zeke comes over.

Is that awkward? Doing homework in his bedroom? Presumptuous?

He's shaken of his nerves when the sound of his phone pierces the air. 

      _D-Dawg._

He lets the call go to voicemail.

"Hey, C!" Anna calls from downstairs. "Zeke's here!"

His heart speeds up and he sweeps his eyes over his room one more time before rushing downstairs.

     Zeke's standing by the front door, his backpack draped over a shoulder with a friendly smile on his face.

     "Hi."

"Hey," Castiel smiles, as Meg, Lisa and Anna not-so-subtly eye them.

He pointedly glances at the girls before suggesting, "Maybe we should work upstairs."

"Sounds good."

"Leave the door open!" Anna teases as they head upstairs.

     Castiel flips her off. 

He leads Zeke to into his room and flicks on the light, watching his expression remain neutral as he surveys Castiel's room. Castiel closes the door loudly and chuckles when he hears the scandalized gasps from downstairs. He then sits on the edge of his bed, hoping it doesn't seem like he's actually trying to seduce Zeke or anything.

Thankfully, Zeke simply takes a seat at the desk next to his bed and starts rummaging through his backpack, until his eyes settle on a book atop his desk.

"Under the Dome?" He asks, his voice raising excitedly. "Man, I love Stephen King. The political and ecological themes? Total genius. Like today's Orwell, right?"

Castiel nods. "Yeah, he's good with allegories." 

     He is, really. Castiel's not about to rip on best-seller Stephen King. He's just...not his favorite author.

Before Zeke can go on about the parallels of the Bush administration and Big Jim Rennie, Castiel kisses him.

      Dick move, he knows. 

You should never kiss someone to shut them up, it's not romantic, it's rude and so on. But he doesn't think he'd be able to contribute much to a King poli-sci love fest. 

As he kisses Zeke, he's hyper-aware of how soft his lips are and his hand, which rests lightly against his arm. 

They kiss for a while until Castiel's phone breaks the silence. 

Castiel has a good idea who's calling; great timing.

     When Castiel doesn't make a move to answer his phone, Zeke looks at him.

"Ignoring someone?"

"Maybe." He admits, running his hands over Zeke's sides. He remains unfazed by the action and Castiel can't help but think about how it drove Dean wild.

     Before he can think anymore about the person on the other end of his phone, he pulls Zeke in for a rough kiss. 

He returns it, softly.

Castiel has a feeling he'll be the one having to make all the big moves, like pressing his tongue against Zeke's lips (which he does) and sliding his hands up his shirt (also check). He pulls Zeke onto his bed and he's practically on top of him as they keep kissing. 

He tangles his fingers in his hair and lets his hands wander, searching for that feeling, that high he'd gotten with...Dean.

     Briefly, Castiel wonders if Zeke's not into him. Maybe he's not just super gentlemanly, maybe he's just...uninterested.

He tries to shake the thought; the guy clearly is interested--he probably just doesn't want to push anything.

     Which is unfortunate because that's exactly what Castiel wants to do. He wants the passion and the desperation; that feeling of being needed. 

But Zeke is nice and cute and he likes him. He's dating him and that's fine, perfect! Zeke is unashamed to be seen going out with him, unlike--

     God, why is he thinking so much?

He's making out with his hot boyfriend(?), yet he can't seem to relax and just enjoy what's happening. 

      _Stop overthinking everything._

He grabs his shirt by the back of the neck and tugs it over his head, breathing hard. He reaches for Zeke but he pulls away.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He whispers. 

     Castiel stares into his eyes. 

His green eyes. The wrong green eyes.

      _Fuck it._

"I'm positive."

     He surges forward and kisses him like his life depends on it, only faltering when there's a knock on his door.

      "Cas?"

They barely manage to jump apart before his door swings open.

     Castiel grabs his shirt from the ground and when he looks up Dean Winchester is staring at him from the doorway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OooOoOoohhhH cliff hanger ;)
> 
> Kudos/comments/share<3


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is literally just one big Destiel fight I kid u not

"Jesus," Castiel mumbles, tugging his shirt on. Zeke scrambles off his bed and does the same, his face bright red.

"How'd you get in here?" Castiel demands, trying to mask his embarrassment with a peeved off attitude.

"Meg let me in." He says, staring glassy-eyed at the ground. 

     Meg.

 _Traitor_.

Dean closes his eyes briefly before squaring his jaw and fixing his eyes on Zeke, who's staring awkwardly at his hands. "I guess you were busy."

"What are you doing here?" 

"You weren't picking up your phone," Dean says, tearing his gaze from Zeke and zeroing in on him instead, his expression unreadable but hard. "I was worried. I thought maybe something happened with your mom."

     Fuck. 

That's actually pretty nice.

"Clearly, I was mistaken."

Dean lets out a cold laugh and that sets off Castiel's temper. 

     He doesn't get it. He doesn't get _him_. 

    Why is Dean the one all angry? Why is he the one who looks all hurt? What right does he have to feel so entitled, as to storm into _his_ home and start making all of these accusations? Like Castiel's the one doing something so wrong. 

     Dean used Castiel just as much as he'd used Dean but Castiel's the one with everything to lose here. 

     Castiel isn't the one with a rotating cast of bed buddies.

He glances over at Zeke and whispers, "I'll be right back."

Then he pushes Dean out of his doorway and into the hall, closing his bedroom door behind him.

"Really Dean? Voyeurism?" He snaps, irritated with the clear anger rolling off of Dean.

     What the hell does _he_ have to be angry about?

Castiel waits for the snarky comeback. He waits for him to taunt or tease him like usual, but nothing comes except,

"So you and Zeke, huh?" The serious expression on his is face unwavering. "You're what? Dating now?"

Castiel crosses his arms. "Yeah?"

"You don't sound too sure."

Castiel scoffs. "Well gee, I'm sorry for not giving you a play by play of my love life."

      He waits for that snarky, snappy retort; something, _anything_.

But to his complete bafflement, Dean just backs off, rocking back on his heels. He looks nothing like the Dean Winchester Castiel's used to. 

     He looks small, afraid--

"Sorry."

A tense silence passes.

"Why are you here?"

"I told you," Dean sighs. "I was worried about you. I thought maybe something happened. You usually pick up on the third ring."

"Well, I'm fine," Castiel stumbles, torn between being amiable and keeping up his resentment. "Mom apologized for everything and she's been seeing a therapist and going to AA meetings twice a week so...everything's fine."

Dean's eyes snap to his, flooded with emotion. 

"And you didn't plan on telling me any of this?"

"Why would I?"

" _Dammit Cas!_ " Dean yells, his voice breaking. "Because I _care!_ I've been fucking worried about you since you up and left a week ago! What? Was I just supposed to assume everything was fine after what I saw you go through?" 

The words hit Castiel hard. "I-I'm sorry--"

"I don't want an apology!" Dean insists, exasperated. "I just--I'm over here _worrying about you_ and I find out you're perfectly fine and happily screwing that pretentious piece of sh--!"

"Hey!" Castiel interrupts sharply. "Don't talk about Zeke like that and don't bring him into this."

Dean sighs, running a hand over his face. "You've ignored my phone calls. You turn tail every time I see you in the halls. Hell, you won't even look at me in class. You liked me more when you hated me--"

" _I still do!_ " Castiel yells back. "I hate you! _God_ , I hate you Dean! You're fucking... _agh!"_

     How articulate of him. 

Castiel inhales a shaky breath before starting over. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you my mom's okay and I'm sorry you worried, but I'm not _running_ from anything--"

"Are you kidding me?" Dean snaps. "That's _exactly_ what you're doing here! You said so yourself, Castiel. You're waltzing."

"I--"

"I figured it out, I'm not a moron, Cas." Dean continues. "You're running from reality again, only this time _he's_ your distraction." Dean jabs a finger towards his bedroom. 

Castiel scoffs. "Right, because my life, which is finally going _perfectly fine_ , might I add, offers me _tons_ of problems to run away from."

"I can think of one."

"Yeah? What?"

Dean takes a step towards him and Castiel hates how he has to look up at him. 

"Me."

Castiel laughs bitterly, but Dean goes on.

"You thought I'd just be some easy distraction from your problems. But no, you _fell for me_ and it scares you shitless and _that's_ why you're pushing me away."

Castiel rolls his eyes as if the notion is way off mark-- _wishing_ the notion is way off mark--and steps back so they're more at eye level.

"Don't flatter yourself, Dean." He says through gritted teeth. "I haven't _fallen for you,_ this isn't the fucking 90210."

He can practically feel the frustration boiling inside of Dean. 

"Mock me all you want, but you know there's truth there."

"So what?" Castiel yells and he knows he's already said too much. "Dammit! _So what?_ Even if I did fall for you, what does it matter? I'm just a decent fuck to you!"

"That's bull." Dean growls, closing the space between them again.

     Castiel can't stop the pathetic words that come bursting out of his mouth next.

"Then why do you keep calling me that?" 

Dean pulls back, confusion and surprise clearly written on his face. 

"What?"

"GBF. BF. Whatever," Castiel sighs, figuring the cat's out of the bag at this point. "Do you even get what you're telling me when you call me that? _God_ , you're like constantly reminding me I'm worthless to you."

     Dean's face falls.

"Cas...I'm sorry. Shit, I-I didn't know--" he reaches out to touch him but Castiel jerks away.

     He can't be that vulnerable again. He's already said way too much. 

"Just _stop."_ He sighs. "Stop acting like you care and--"

"Acting?" Dean exclaims. "Tell me then, Cas. What the hell am I doing here?"

     That's it.

Everything comes tumbling down.

"What are you doing here? I'll tell you." Castiel can feel his voice nearly give out. "Your parents leave you all the time. Your brother _leaves_. Every single girl you hook up with _leaves_. You try to convince yourself it's better this way, but really you're _lonely_ , Dean. And you can't stand the idea of yet another person leaving, so it's easier for you to saunter back into my life and make me miss you rather than make your family come home." 

    He watches Dean look away, but he keeps on going.

"Did I hit the mark, Dean? Do I know you as well as you think you know me?"

Castiel pants, shocked by everything he's just said. 

     Maybe he was too harsh?

But Dean just steps back, his features reverted back to cold, hard lines. "Fine. I'll go."

"Fine."

Dean storms down the stairs and out of the house. Castiel flinches when he hears the door slam.

     He's gone.

For good.

     Which is exactly what he wanted, right? So why doesn't it feel that way?

Castiel slowly makes his way back to his room; back to Zeke, the perfect boyfriend.

"Hey," Castiel says, entering his room. "I'm so sorry about all of that."

"Don't apologize," Zeke says, taking Castiel's hand in his. "And if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here."

"Thanks," he forces a smile. "But I'm okay. We've all got baggage and all, right?"

"Right." Zeke affirms, before gently pressing his lips to Castiel's knuckles. 

     The gesture is soft and sweet and it should be comforting and nice but all Castiel can think about is Dean and how hurt he looked.

Castiel gently pulls away, upset with himself. Here he is with a guy as great as Zeke, his mind clouded with thoughts of someone as infuriating as Dean. 

      What the hell is wrong with him?

"Is something wrong?" Zeke asks, giving Castiel's hand a light squeeze.

"No, no," he shakes his head. "But um, we should start on our papers."

"Sounds good."

     Of course, Zeke doesn't seem disappointed or annoyed or offended at all. He reacts perfectly.

      Just perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment / kudos / share <3
> 
> Ily all so much thank you for reading and supporting me omg


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY FRIENDS!
> 
> So sorry my uploads are becoming less frequent! I've been procrastinating by marathoning Star Wars with my fam / this weird Canadian Disney show with my friends, lo siento.
> 
> Anyway I'll stfu here's the next chap<3

     Dean monopolizes Castiel's thoughts for the next few days which really pisses him off. He doesn't want to think about him. At all.

     He'd much rather be thinking about Zeke, who's been nothing but understanding and sweet in spite of his Dean-induced snappiness.

Zeke who walks him to class and kisses his cheek and leaves Hershey's bars on his desk to get him to smile.

     How in the world could Castiel possibly be thinking of another guy while he's already dating such an amazing one? 

Maybe he's losing it. Maybe he should start seeing his mom's shrink.

     To be fair, Dean Winchester is suddenly _everywhere_.

When Castiel's rounding the corner of a hallway, Dean is breezing by. If Castiel is returning a book to the school library, Dean's in there studying. When Castiel is walking out to his car, Dean and Sam are nearby, walking to theirs.

     Castiel briefly wonders if Dean is doing it on purpose. Like trying to make him want him or something by always being around.

      But he cans that idea once it becomes evident that Dean couldn't care less about him anymore. 

The phone calls have stopped. If Castiel passes him in the hallway it's like he doesn't even exist. He's stopped feeling green eyes watching him in Lit.

      And what's really sick is that it doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel like a burden has been lifted or like a relief. If anything, it hurts.

     It hurts to know he's hurt Dean. 

Castiel knows he should've kept his big mouth shut; Dean obviously has attachment issues, but it isn't in his place to comment and judge them.

     Dean hadn't done that to him.

Castiel has rehearsed and dreamt up millions of ways to apologize but he's vetoed every one. Not for how cheesy or cringe worthy they are (though they are), but because Castiel doesn't think he can face another painfully awkward confrontation with Dean.  
Let alone a voluntary one he initiates. 

     But he can't avoid the confrontation he has with Sam.

Castiel's browsing the very limited play selection in the school library, when Sam appears out of nowhere.

     "Cas," 

He spins around to face the younger Winchester, whose backpack looks too big for his small frame. 

     Well if this isn't awkward as hell.

"Sam. Hi." Castiel greets, trying his best to remain neutral and avoid his gaze.

      He's not exactly stoked for Sam to tell him off for fucking with Dean. 

"Can I talk to you?" He asks, uncharacteristically shy. 

"Already are," Castiel shrugs. May as well get the You're a Jerk and Ruined My Brother's Life lecture over with.

"I just...Thank you."

      What?

"For Dean," Sam says. "He's...different and I'm not dumb. You showing up and him suddenly changing isn't a coincidence. So, yeah, thanks."

     Before Castiel can ask what he means by _change_ , Sam's bounding across the library to a small huddle of friends.

     And things get even weirder.

After lunch as Castiel's stowing away books in his locker, Dean rounds the corner. Castiel isn't too surprised, like he said, the dude's _everywhere_.

     Bela Talbot is hanging on his arm laughing at something that's probably not that funny when she stops to lean against a locker ten feet away. "So, Dean..." she purrs, pulling him towards her.

     Okay, Castiel swears he isn't trying to eavesdrop. They're just that close. It's not like he wants to listen to Dean flirt with Bela. 

"Any prom plans?"

"Not really," Dean answers simply.

      Castiel starts loudly rearranging the books in his locker, hoping maybe they'll take their flirtations elsewhere. 

"Maybe we could go together," she suggests, her voice low. "And then after...maybe we could go to your place?"

Castiel grabs his books hastily and prepares to bolt; does he really have to listen to this crap?

      But he freezes when he hears Dean's answer.

"No thanks, Bela."

      _What?_

Dean Winchester just turned down a girl? A girl as hot as Bela Talbot? Who was clearly propositioning him?

      What kind of alternate universe is this?

Bela seems to be under the same impression. "What?"

Castiel eyes the two from between a crack in his locker door. 

Dean shrugs. "I'm not interested. Sorry. I'm sure there are lots of of other guys ecstatic to go with you."

"Oh." Castiel can practically feel her shock. "Yeah okay. Um...I'll see you later."

And then she runs off, clearly confused.

     She's not the only one.

Is this what Sam was talking about when he said change? Is somehow Dean less prone to being a manwhore now? How did _Castiel_ coax out this side of Dean?

     He doesn't even realize he's staring at Dean until he looks at him for the first time in days.

A small, hesitant smile tugs at his lips, but he doesn't approach him.

     But he clearly isn't mad at him anymore.

Castiel briefly considers apologizing.

      Briefly.

Dean's turning down Bela doesn't change the fact that Castiel isn't what Dean wants. Plus, there's Zeke. And talking with Dean would just complicate things again.

     So he snatches his things, closes his locker and rushes down the hall in the opposite direction before he does something stupid.

He only slows down when he spots Zeke waiting for him outside of their classroom.

"Hey," he smiles. "Can I take your books?"

"Sure," Castiel says, as Zeke relieved him of his textbooks. He's smiling like he's actually happy to see him and guilt fills Castiel's chest.

     Is he happy to see Zeke?

"Sounds good."

 

     A few days later Castiel approaches his locker to find Meg waiting for him.

He still hasn't talked to her about how she let Dean in and he doesn't plan on it.

He doesn't need anymore conflict in his life. 

     "We need to talk Castiel."

Uh oh. 

     Castiel not Clarence. Must be serious.

"What's up?"

"Look, I know it's not really in my place to say," she sighs, sweeping a hand through her hair. "But...you and Zeke? I don't know. I don't see a spark there. You're happy which is great but, you don't seem like yourself either."

     Is that true? Has he been different because of Zeke? Or because he's happy?

"I'm totally happy you're hanging out with us now and it's cool Zeke sometimes does too, but it's just...You _say_ you're happy but I don't know how true that is."

"I am," he says, but the words sound lame even to him.

"Then you don't want to the rumors about Dean?"

"What rumors about Dean?" Castiel asks, rolling his eyes when Meg smirks. 

"He's pulling back. I've already heard he's turned down like five girls who've asked him to prom. Just thought you might want to know."

     Although he is stupidly happy to hear that, it's not that simple.

"Thanks Meg," he sighs. "Maybe you're right about Zeke but...this is just high school. I'm not throwing my life away on the guy."

"Okay..." she says. 

     They part ways when Castiel arrives to his next class, trying to make sense of all the Dean nonsense going on.

He's filled with dread as he sits down to find a folded up piece of paper on his desk. Probably some cute note from Zeke he'd gotten someone to put there.

     God, he doesn't deserve him.

He picks up the paper and unfolds it, reading the words scrawled on the page.

      _I don't chase girls but I'm chasing you  
-Dean x_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stalk me:
> 
> Instagram fan account: destiel_pass_it_on  
> Instagram personal: hollyster23   
> Twitter fan account: fav_spn_moments  
> Tumblr: sprinklesnotjimmies 
> 
>  
> 
> As always, kudos/comments/sharing much appreciated <3 
> 
> Have a blessed day


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to my reader Trezero for giving me a lesson in Russian <3  
> This chapter is dedicated to them(":
> 
> Sorry I've taken ages to update it's because I sUCK!!!

     Castiel used to have the luxury of little relationship drama.

     For starters, his sexuality usually served as a hinderance for high school romance--there are few openly out guys at LHS and even fewer who are actually interested. Plus, high school romances are dead-end enough in Castiel's book anyways.

     So how in the world has he wound up in such a mess? With not just one helping of relationship drama, but two?

One healthy helping of Zeke. Understanding, patient, poster-boy for Perfect Zeke. But Zeke, who also feels a little... _too_ perfect. Who Castiel can't help but feel mechanical around, like he's going through the motions to impress him.

Then there's Dean, who underneath the vomit-inducingly cliché, hard exterior isn't such a bad guy after all. In fact, he's _good_. He's so good and understanding someone that Castiel actually feels like himself around.

     Ugh.

Why can't he just go back to being a fly on the wall, GBF nobody?

He may have been unhappy then, but at least he was unhappy with a simple life.

      The note Dean left him was all he could think about for the rest of the day. It took every fiber of his being not to look over at him during sixth period. But as class let out he stole a quick glance only to find Dean packing up his things and checking his phone, still completely apathetic to his existence.

     Which led Castiel to wonder if it was even him who left the note or if someone was just screwing with him.

It does seem a little corny for Dean's taste. But then again, Dean is a softie underneath that bravado. 

     Oh God why is he thinking so much about this?

Castiel rushes out of the classroom without sparing a glance towards Dean and heads home, his mind reeling with questions.

      He feels like he's in a romantic comedy. Minus the comedy. When did his life get so fucking dramatic?

He drives home on autopilot, thoughts of homework and tests succumbing under the weight of _Dean Dean Dean._

     He really needs a distraction from his former distraction.

Which is just what he gets that evening as he's setting the table for dinner and the doorbell rings.

"Can you get that?" He asks Anna, balancing some plates and glasses in his hands.

"Sure,"

As she runs to grab the door Castiel fills his mom in on school; downplaying the events of the day.

"Okay, thank you so much," He hears Anna say followed by the sound of the door closing. And then she's sauntering into the kitchen, her face hidden behind a beautiful arrangement of roses.

"Wow." Castiel and his mom say simultaneously as Anna places the vase onto the kitchen table. 

"Anna, honey, they're gorgeous," his mom murmurs, as they all take a moment to admire the bouquet. "Whose the fellow after your heart?"

"Not mine," Anna grins wickedly. Her eyes dart to Castiel's and he feels his stomach drop. "Castiel's."

      _Of course_.

As if he couldn't feel any worse about this Dean thing, Zeke just _had_ to go off and do something incredibly sweet.

Two sets of eager eyes turn to him and he shrugs awkwardly.

"Zeke's a cool guy, I guess."

"There's a letter," Anna points out, as she sifts through the flowers. She plucks the envelope from the arrangement and hands it to him excitedly.

     Sighing, Castiel opens the envelope and unfolds the paper.  
He does a double take when his eyes land on the familiar chicken scratch.

      _Moi dorogoi,_

_Since you've been incredibly MIA lately and if I can recall, my voice brings forth your "suicidal tendencies", I figured I'd kick it old school and go with snail mail.  
_

_And I have a lot to say so I sincerely hope that you keep reading.  
_

_As it turns out, you were right._

_Everything you said that night was true. I sure as hell didn't like that it was, but that doesn't change the fact that I've avoided confrontation with my parents for years._

_Until you.  
_

_I know there's a good chance you're throwing up in your mouth at how corny this is but...you inspired me to make things right.  
_

_I came out to my parents which was probably the scariest thing I've ever done (besides maybe writing this letter) but things are looking up.  
_

_And the fact is, I_ have _been lonely. For a while.  
_

_It wasn't until I left your house and began feeling that way all over again that I realized you make me feel less alone.  
_

_But my fear of being alone isn't why I'm writing this. Thanking you isn't either.  
_

_I'm writing this because I think there's a very real possibility that I'm in love with you.  
_

_I_ _know we're in high school.  
I know all about probabilities and divorce rates and how you most definitely raised your eyebrows two sentences ago._

_But it's true.  
_

_I'm in love with you. Or at least I have the potential to be.  
_

_Even if you're always hanging onto that tool Zeke, who by the way, I'm insanely jealous of, I don't care._

_You can try to convince yourself otherwise, but I truly think deep down, you feel the same way about me. Which is why you pushed me away and have been avoiding me.  
_

_So if I'm right, I just wanted to inform you that I am a very patient person.  
_

_Vash,  
     Dean xx_

_PS. Russian is fucking hard_

Castiel stares down at the paper, completely unaware of Anna and his mom staring at him.

     His mind is everywhere, unsure of what to contemplate first.

Stupidly, the first coherent thought he has it, _So_ that's _what Sam was thanking him for._ Dean was actually trying to fix things in his family because of...him.

     It's a shocking blow.

Castiel actually changed Dean Winchester.

     A moment later a larger surprise begins to register-- _I'm in love with you._ The words scream from the page.

     For a brief moment he's ecstatic. Somebody actually wrote him an honest to God love letter--not that he'd ever wanted one, but still. It's pretty damn romantic.

But Castiel's high is short lived.

The letter's not from the right guy. Dean Winchester shouldn't be writing him love letters. He's not his boyfriend. He's the wrong guy. 

     Or is he?

"Let me see!" Anna speaks up, reaching eagerly for the letter.

"No!" He jerks away, before flushing. "Uh no. It's um, it's personal."

" _Oh_ ," his sister arches an eyebrow suggestively. Castiel prefers not to look at his mom. He pockets the letter and the flowers are quickly outshined by talk of Anna's good grades and her plans for tomorrow night.

"So Castiel, how's Zeke?" His mom asks once the conversation dies down. 

     If only she knew.

"Good," he says monotonously. "He's good."

     And he is.

Too good. And here Castiel is, consumed by thoughts of a different guy when Zeke's done everything right. He feels like he's cheating.

     The rest of the night is a blur, Castiel's homework long forgotten in favor of re-reading Dean's letter over and over.

  _I'm in love with you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments/kudos/share<3 
> 
> Thank you all so so much for all your kind words and support. As this is drawing to a close it's getting harder and harder for me to write so I really appreciate all of the encouragement :)


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends!! 
> 
> Sorry my last update was in the Mesozoic Era, school has been killing me. Finals are coming up and I've been slammed with total writer's block so for that I apologize!
> 
> Okay that's all, sorry this chapter is incredibly mediocre

     The next day at school Castiel can't help but think he may as well have stayed home.

He's exhausted all morning and despite how much he tries, nothing can keep his attention. He's boiling over with too many emotions--none of which he can make any sense of. 

     Until he overhears a conversation on his way to lunch.

     "Oh my God, have you heard about Bela?" A slow walking brunette asks the girl beside her.

     "Talbot?" Her friend giggles. "And how she's literally screwed this time? Yeah I've heard."

"God, half of me feels bad but like, the other half...if someone in this school was gonna get knocked up, of course it'd be her." 

"I don't feel bad, she's a slut." The other girl laughs. "No telling who the dad is either. Who hasn't she slept with?"

The girls turn left into a classroom and Castiel's left to his thoughts.

     He surprises himself with the completely selfish fear that the dad might be Dean.

Sure, he was always safe when _they_ slept together but he can't speak for anyone else. Plus, he and Bela seemed to sleep together somewhat regularly. At least, before Castiel was monopolizing all of Dean's time.  
But still. Surely there were enough opportunities for a slip up? Maybe Dean is--

_Snap out of it, Castiel._

This isn't something he should be worrying about. This should not be any of his concern. Dean's not his boyfriend, love letter or not.

He's with Zeke and he's not about to be one of those heartless bastards who dumps one guy for another. Whatever Dean did in the past or even does now, is none of his business. 

He hurries to the cafeteria as he shakes the urge to talk to Dean. He stops however, to do a double take when he can't find his usual lunch table. After scanning the cafeteria for a full minute he understands why; the table is unrecognizably empty, except for Bela.

    He heads over, increasingly aware of all the eyes on him and the judgmental glances shot in his general direction. Surprisingly, the looks and snickers do nothing to belittle him. 

     If anything, they just irritate him. 

     "Hey," he takes a seat across from Bela, who's picking at the fruit cup in front of her. "Where is everyone?"

"Your Three Musketeers are on prom committee. They had a meeting," Her voice is light but she doesn't look up. She casts her eyes down and Castiel notices the momentary stutter in her movements as she tucks a lock of hair behind her hair. He also finds that most of her lunch is untouched. 

Castiel debates bringing up the baby-elephant in the room but she beats him to it. 

"Plus, nobody's really keen on eating lunch with a slut." 

     Maybe it's the bluntness of her words. Or the uncharacteristic insecurity. Or the fact that it's just the two of them and Castiel feels the need to fill the silence.

     Whatever it may be, Castiel is suddenly pissed on her behalf. 

So she made a mistake. Everybody does. Like half the school hasn't fucked somebody?  
Clearly, Bela wasn't _hoping_ to become pregnant her senior year of high school. But it happened. That's hard enough as is, she shouldn't have to put up with other people's shit commentary, too.

     He recalls Dean telling him _They're just labels. They're not you._

     And that sends him over the edge. 

"You're not a slut." 

Bela quirks an eyebrow and looks up for the first time. "Yeah? I've slept with well over twenty guys and I'm not a slut?"

"That depends." He shrugs, matching her gaze. "Do you think you're a slut?"

As Bella's face scrunches up in a mixture of confusion and wonderment, Castiel's sense of clarity grows. 

"Isn't a slut someone with loose sexual morals?" Bela looks mildly offended, but Castiel speaks up again before she can comment. "Other people aren't able to asses _your_ morals, right? So as far as I know, you're only what you think you are. You're not a slut unless _you_ believe you're a slut. Other people can comment all they want, but they'll never know anything well enough to accurately describe you."

     At this point Castiel's fully aware that he's not just telling this to Bela but to himself as well. 

He's not the GBF. He never was. It's not a thing and even if it was, one characteristic doesn't define an _entire person;_ a unique personality and a lifetime of experiences. 

     But he got so caught up in believing he was worthless that somewhere along the way he almost became it.

     But in the end, who you are is who you think you are. 

"Wow," Castiel looks up to find Bela staring at him wide eyed. "I uh, thank you. Really."  
Castiel flushes, suddenly aware of how ceremonial he must sound, but he's nonetheless proud of his epiphany. Plus, it was something Bela really needed to hear.

"No problem."

"That actually really helps," she smiles--and it's not ingenuine. "Especially since it's not even true."

"What?"

Bela lets out a deep sigh and stabs a melon cube with her plastic fork. "I'm not pregnant. I mean, I thought I was but it was just a stomach bug. I took a test and I'm baby free." She explains. "But by the time I found out somebody already talked to the whole school."

"Well, ignore them. Everyone at this school's fucked anyway." 

To his surprise, Bela laughs. "Couldn't agree more."

      "Hey!" 

They turn to see Anna, Meg and Lisa barreling towards them with big smiles. 

"Sorry it took us so long," Lisa apologizes.

"Better late than never," Bela teases. 

      _Yeah_ Castiel thinks. _Better late than never._

But he just smiles. "No problem."

 

     That night Castiel gets a text from Zeke asking to go out, which he's happy about, really.

But the guy only gives him half an hour's warning, he's been laying in bed all afternoon covered in crumbs and he still has this insistent need to impress Zeke, despite the fact they've been dating for a while. 

"I'll pick your clothes, you shower." Anna sighs in that How Are We Related You Ignorant Slob kind of way as she shakes her head disdainfully. But hey, Castiel's in no position to argue with her.

He showers, dresses and wrestles with his hair, in record time, with five minutes to spare. 

"So, you excited?" Anna asks as she mindlessly flips through the TV channels as they wait. 

Castiel lifts a shoulder and fiddled with the blue tie Anna roped into wearing. "I guess,"

Anna looks over at him. "That's not very convincing."

"No, I just mean, I'm a little nervous." He says. "I still feel kind of weird before dates and stuff."

"Hm."

"What's _hm_ mean?" 

"Nothing, just--"

Castiel interrupts her when her channel surfing lands on a John Hughes movie marathon. He promptly insists that she record the movies to watch with their mom later.

Not one second after doing so does the doorbell rings. He goes to answer it but stops when Anna calls his name. 

"Yeah?"

She looks at him with an unreadable expression. "I hope you're happy." 

"I am," Castiel says. And he means it. 

But when he opens the door and finds Zeke smiling at him--not smirking, not mischievous--he knows he's not being totally honest with himself. 

     And he's not being fair to Zeke or himself. 

Or Dean. 

"Hey," he sighs. "We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos / comment / share<3
> 
> Thank you all so much for bearing with me through this fic ily all


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would first like to say I'm so sorry for how long this update has taken. 
> 
> Writing this final chapter was incredibly difficult but I could not be more thankful for all of you guys commenting and kudos-ing and just letting me know you like my work; you're all amazing. I am so astounded everyday by the overwhelming support and kindness from my readers and I appreciate every. damn. one. of. you. Those who comment on every chapter, those who are guest readers who stumbled upon this fic, those who kudos, those who don't, those who read this alone in bed at night, those who read this during class, those who just gave this seventeen year old wannabe writer a chance.
> 
> You're all wonderful. 
> 
> I really hope this last chapter fulfills your expectations :")

     Castiel's heart is pounding. 

He suddenly feels very bad as Zeke smiles enthusiastically and says "Of course", with absolutely no idea of what's coming. 

     Castiel joins him on the porch, closing the door behind him to prevent any spying little sisters. Zeke wraps an arm around him and it's okay, but it doesn't feel right--and now Castiel's fully aware as to why.

     He's just the wrong person.

     "So what's going on?" Zeke asks as they settle into the rickety chairs on his front porch.

Castiel gently maneuvers out of Zeke's touch and adjusts himself so he can look him in the eyes.

     In them he sees bright eyed confusion. Curious expectancy.  
But for the briefest of moments, there's a flash of something else. 

_Knowing._

This is what pushes Castiel to swallow his nerves and blurt out his next sentence less than gracefully, 

      "Let's break up." 

A moment passes by in silence and he almost wants to stuff the words back in his mouth. 

Another long moment passes. Zeke looks away. He looks back at Castiel and...is he _smiling?_

"Yeah," he nods, letting out this small half-sigh half-chuckle. "Yeah, that's probably for the best." 

Castiel stares at him in confusion, though the churning in his gut has subsided. "You seem to be taking this quite well."

It's Zeke's turn to look fidgety.  
"You're amazing," he sighs and the way he's looking at Castiel assures him he's being sincere. "But if I'm being completely honest, I'm...not over my ex. I don't know if I ever really was." 

      Huh. 

"Besides, it's pretty obvious you're not over someone, too."

      Castiel's gaze snaps to Zeke's to find an honest-to-God _smirk_ tugging at his lips. It's definitely not Dean's, but it sure is something. Zeke nudges Castiel's elbow with his and gives him a pointed look. 

Castiel laughs, "Shut up."

      He's surprised to find that this, their _break up,_ is the easiest conversation he's had with Zeke maybe ever. 

"God, we're idiots."

"Speak for yourself, I'm the Yale guy, remember?"

Castiel snorts, any trace of the nerves he was so overwhelmed with dissipating in seconds. "I actually used to find you modest."

"Oh, yeah well I used to--"

     The front door suddenly bursts open. 

     "Oh my god, okay we get it! This has been the world's happiest break up known to man and you're still friends, so on and so forth," Anna interrupts, exasperated. "But don't you two have guys to go win over?"

"Strangely enough you're sister's right," Zeke smiles, getting to his feet. "I have quite a bit of groveling to do." 

      He leans in and gives Castiel a brief hug; nothing romantic, just nice. 

"Good luck with Dean," He whispers in Castiel's ear. "He's a lucky guy."

Castiel pulls back bashfully. "You knew?"

Zeke simply shoots him an _Are You Serious?_ look before bidding goodbye once again and disappearing down his driveway and into his car. 

      It doesn't take Castiel long to find his keys, get in his car and follow suit.

 

     Castiel shouldn't be nervous.

Dean _likes_ him.

      Hell, he said he might be _in love_ with him. He was the one who took the risk by writing that letter, laid it all out. He spared Castiel the uneasiness that usually comes with confrontation like that.

      So why does Castiel's heart feel like it's going to pound right out of his chest? Why are his palms clammy and his face flushed?

      _It's just Dean._

Dean who he's comfortable around. Dean who's easy to talk to and compassionate and the least judgmental person Castiel knows. 

      Dean who he might be in love with.

      _He can do this._

Before he can think better of it Castiel gets out of his car and walks up to Dean's front door, the familiarity of his surroundings simultaneously daunting and comfortable.

      He knocks.

A quick moment passes by and then the door is being opened. A man, maybe in his early forties, with dark hair and just enough stubble to look refined rather than unkempt stares at Castiel with an unreadable expression. It doesn't take Castiel long to figure out that this is Dean's dad. 

      "Hello," he says, his voice gruff. "Can I help you?"

"Um, yes. Hi," Castiel says meekly. This was not something he'd pictured happening. "Is Dean home?"

      _Please don't turn him away._

_Please don't be a homophobic dick._

The older man eyes him in such a way that Castiel can't be sure if he should start thinking of a Plan B. "Who's asking?" 

"Castiel? Castiel Milton."

"Oh."

      _Oh?_

What the hell does that mean? Is it a bad Oh? Or just a, Oh I've Heard of You Oh?

"Come on in."

      Castiel lets out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding as he steps through the doorway.

"Dean's upstairs," he informs him, taking a step back and gesturing to the staircase as an invitation. 

      Castiel's surprised that he seems to have passed some kind of test for approval, but he doesn't let it sidetrack him for long. "Thank you," he nods graciously. 

And then he's rushing up the staircase to Dean's room. His door is closed shut but he can still hear the bad Journey song and Dean singing along through the door.

      Castiel smiles to himself and then raps on the door, bracing himself to see Dean after what feels like forever.

      He's actually doing this. 

His heart feels like it's beating too fast again and it takes a conscious effort to swallow. He's almost certain he's sweated through his shirt, too. 

     The door swings open.

"Sam I told you, I'm--"

     Dean's hair is a mess. The Avengers T-shirt he's wearing is a size too big and there's a small stain by the collar. He's wearing flannel pajama bottoms that's he's clearly worn all day and will most likely wear to sleep.

     But none of this does anything to stop the leap in Castiel's chest or calm his overwhelming adoration.

      _God he's missed him._

At the sight of Castiel however, Dean does a double take, his eyes widening and blood rushing to his face as Steve Perry's vocals carry throughout the room. 

      "Cas," he says, swallowing hard. "I wasn't--I didn't know you were coming over."

"Do you want me to go?"

"No! No, stay. Please." 

      Neither of the two make a move to close the distance between them and there's some kind of bush they're both beating around. The prolonged silence settles between them until Castiel gets up the nerve to breeze by Dean and walk over to the stereo.

"Mind if I--?"

      Dean just nods tentatively, as if he's still unsure that Castiel won't leave. 

      Castiel makes quick business of rifling through Dean's elaborate music collection until he finds an album that'll work. He ejects the Journey Hits CD and watches the realization flood Dean's features the very second that a waltz begins to waft from the stereo's speakers.

      Castiel turns to face Dean and finds he's closed some of their distance. So he reaches out to take Dean's hand and lightly pull him in even closer. 

"Dance with me," 

"Are you asking me to waltz with you?"

"No," Castiel shakes his head, drawing Dean closer and allowing his hands to rest on his hips. Dean lightly places his hands on Castiel's shoulders. "I've found I don't really like to waltz."

Dean's eyes lock with his and finally, _finally_ , Castiel gets to see that smile of his he's missed so much. Dean shifts closer and moves a hand to cup the side of Castiel's face, beaming.

"So," Dean starts. "I know you're not one for labels, but...I'm really hoping you'll let me call you my boyfriend."

      Laughing Castiel finally closes the distance between them and presses his lips to Dean's, and _god_ , if it isn't wonderful. 

"Yeah, no shit," he murmurs into Dean's skin, grinning. "As long as I get to call you mine."

      Dean laughs and nods and they kiss again, the waltz playing in the background.

Castiel gives no thought to probabilities or divorce rates. Clichés and cynicism can kiss his ass.

      Because things are already different for them.

      The waltz is playing in the background but they couldn't be closer together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it!
> 
> JK.
> 
> There's an epilogue right after this if you wanna go read that, it's just a little fluffy time stamp type thing :) 
> 
> And good news, I have decided I am going to be writing another fic in this universe; Dean's POV. However, it'll also be somewhat of a prequel / time stamp thing? Not entirely sure yet but I'm going to upload what I have of it after posting this chapter because you've all been so patient and wonderful and deserve *something* from me.
> 
> I'm also going to include a Fun Facts / Soundtrack type of thing because why not? So keep reading if you're interested in that :")
> 
> Thanks so much all you wonderful lovelies!
> 
> It's been epic.


	28. Epilogue

      "Hey Sam, he here yet?"

      "Nice to see you too, Cas," 

Castiel rolls his eyes and opens up his arms for a brief hug from his second favorite Winchester. 

      It's only been a semester's time since he's last seen Dean's little brother, who has long since grown out of the "little" part, but a lot has changed in that one semester.

      Dean's been staying in Lawrence working part time at an auto repair shop while also studying American Literature and Linguistics at the community college down the street. And of course, bothering Sam as his graduation and Stanford draws nearer and nearer.

      Meanwhile, Castiel has been attending Wichita State University to study both Journalism and Child Services, making the two hour drive back to Lawrence every weekend to see his boyfriend. 

      He couldn't be happier. 

"Dean's due back from the grocery store soon," Sam informs him as Castiel enters and Sam relieves him of the green bean casserole in his arms. 

       Not a moment after the words leave Sam's mouth does Dean come bounding in.

      "Hey!" He exclaims letting the grocery bags in his hands fall to the floor in favor of wrapping his arms around Castiel. 

"Hey stranger," Castiel smiles, running a hand across Dean's cold-flushed cheek.

"O-Kay," Sam sighs. "I'm leaving before this gets too Nicholas Sparks for me," He stoops down to pick up the groceries Dean had so gracefully dropped and makes a hasty exit.

      Dean immediately catches Castiel's lips in a kiss and he tastes the like the outdoors. Castiel loves it; loves _him_. 

Which is why the ring box in his pocket isn't daunting or weighing him down. And when Dean says yes (and he _does_ say yes) it's a promise.

      And God knows Dean Winchester never breaks his promises.


	29. Fun Facts & Soundtrack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've seen a few authors compile a list of just quirky random fun facts readers don't know about the fic they've just finished and I really liked it! (It also definitely helped me as a reader get over the end of a fic omg) 
> 
> So I've decided to do it too :)
> 
> Below are random facts / things about what it was like writing this fic, inspiration, whatever, etc. along with songs that in my mind, I associate with certain scenes from the story 
> 
> Ily all

FUN FACTS

-In Chapter 1 when Dean is introduced as "sleeping with anyone for $100", I was originally going to have him have been temporarily thrown on the streets by John. But I could never establish a reason that seemed fitting for him being cut off so I sorta just let that fragment be, even though I had a whole scene outlined where Dean confides in Cas about it but lol ok 

-The title "The GBF" comes from stupid people I hear all the time being all "ugh I want a gay best friend!!!!" Like sexuality defines a person like no ok sit down 

-It was so hard for me to write the banter / early conversations between Dean and Cas. I sucked at making Dean charming yet irritating and I sucked at making his dialogue edgy enough to piss Cas off. Like I literally remember googling insults because I suck so much (Google wasn't much help)

-literally the only reason I made Cas fluent in Russian is bc head canon that Dean has a total language kink and gets all hot n bothered by that stuff

-I have no idea if u picked up on this, but Chuck was supposed to be Cas' dad and Naomi was his mom. I realize I like never mention Naomi's name, but I also didn't want to since obviously in the series she's initially a bitch (even though she sorta comes in clutch in the end and I didn't _totally_ hate her) and I wanted her character to be undoubtingly a good person at heart 

-I hate the name Zeke Kyle. Kyle as a last name omfg cringe. I was trying to be all clever like e-Zeke-IEL. Ha. Sorta sounds like Kyle, Zeke-Kyle. Get it? But no instead he just sounds like third year frat boy

-I never actually specify why Cas hates Dean so much (before he pegs him the GBF) but in my head it's unacknowledged sexual tension lmao

-I started this fic very much a bottom!Dean gal but I think I'm officially on Team Switch

-After writing chapter 4 I read all of Cas and Meg's dialogue to myself out loud alternating between Meg's voice and like a lower one lmao I'm lame

-in case u didn't notice I made teenage!Cas just as into classic rock as Dean bc little unexpected things like that make Dean crush on him even more in my opinion

-the poem Dean and Cas analyze together I analyzed in my AP Lit class, and I kept thinking as we learned more and more about it "oh this would be the perfect parallel for my gay fanfic" lmao

-Cas has a crush on James McAvoy because I have a crush on James McAvoy that's it 

-my cousin's v bitter I'm writing a fic but not letting her read it. I'm considering it! lmao (hi Carrie)

-I'm honestly so happy for all of the kudos / reads / comments I've been getting especially bc I feel like I so totally don't deserve them!! Like do y'all realize how many fucking plot holes and inaccuracies there are in this fic?? lmao MANY. Like I know nothing about drugs but I don't think you'd just let your unconscious mother lie in her bed if you suspect she took a ton of drugs lol ok Cas ya dumb fuck

-I seriously considered making the red bra in Dean's room that sets Cas off after their ~eMo sEcks~ be underwear instead, that actually belonged to Dean lol. A few commenters suspect that's the case and even though it's not I still giggle bc it almost was friends

-Not about the fic but my username is inspired by The 1975's song lyrics 

-I GET!!! SO WEAK! WHEN!! I THINK!!! ABOUT CAS!!!!! RUNNING! HIS FINGERS!!!! THROUGH! DEANS!! SHORT!!! SOFT!! HAIR!!!!! AND TUGGING!! AT! IT!!! WHILE!! THEYRE!! MAKING OUT! 

-I probably check my AO3 inbox like 12 times a day (at least). That is not an exaggeration even if I don't reply to your comment I've read it, believe me

-I woke up at 2AM once because I was like "omg I have the perfect line to include in this fic" and I literally thought it was so poetic and great and the next morning I woke up and looked at my Notes app like wow what was that amazing line I'd written down?? IT WAS LITERALLY "He gave head like he had one" LMFAO WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN POETIC MY ASS IF YOU EVER THINK IM A GOOD WRITER JUST REMEMBER THAT

 -I know technically sometimes high school fic writers picture Brock Kelly or like Dylan as their Dean's and Logan Lerman as their Cas but like no that's so cringe to me. My GBF fic Dean is Jensen circa 19 years old and Cas is like some weird hybrid of Misha and this kid I go to school with who looks sorta like a high school Cas lol 

-writing is hard

-I'm so excited to write this Dean's POV prequel thang y'all 

 

alright that's it for fun facts :) may add some as time goes by and I remember stuff lol 

 

SOUNDTRACK

Garth's Party  
(Castiel and Dean first meet)  
      -1983 by Neon Trees  
Because this totally just sounds like a song that is used to illustrate stereotypical high school parties  
https://youtu.be/vJLqJsTapgY

  
The First Kiss  
(Castiel's emotions get the best of him and he kisses Dean)  
      -I Don't Like You by The Wreck  
Because the bass line does a good job of working with Cas' determination / irritation in this scene and then the chorus is so fitting lol like just picture Cas snapping and furiously kissing Dean as the chorus plays bc I do  
https://youtu.be/V_Wh6rIkVP0

First Waltz  
(While writing their Lit paper, Castiel kisses Dean.)  
      -How Far We've Come by Matchbox Twenty  
Because the "I believe the world is falling to the ground", like that line and that chorus following the bridge are exactly what I imagine fits the scene so well when it's like Cas is like "okay fuck it" and just goes in for the kill  
https://youtu.be/wTWOAJJ9s1g

The Practice Room  
(Castiel drags Dean to the band room for a tryst)  
      -Highway by Bleeker  
Like listen to this song and tell me it's not an angry make out song (the music video version not the official audio)  
https://youtu.be/m60bo3Qz8Ow

Enemies With Benefits  
(Sex montage!)  
      -Police on My Back by The Clash  
Because it's the perfect montage song like seriously? Especially for a noncommittal fun friends with benefits sex montage  
https://youtu.be/2hHUdW1N3v8  
      -Kiss This by The Struts  
Because this is also a good sex montage song and I'm indecisive  
https://youtu.be/5crBrh2Eyn0

Delivery Boys  
(Castiel and Zeke deliver Valentine's Gifts together)  
      -Boyfriend by Tegan & Sara  
Okay because this song is so Zeke and Cas in that it's sort of bitter sweet but also cute enough to fit for this kind of moment but obviously they're not endgame so it shouldn't be too cute ya know  
https://youtu.be/HJOHoiPGpac

Unexpected  
(Castiel's dad arrives to pick him up)  
      -Hammer to Fall by Queen  
Tell me when Freddie sings "we're just waiting for the hammer to fall" in the first or second chorus that this doesn't sound like it should play at the cliff hanging tense OMG moment try and tELL ME  
https://youtu.be/aUkWlxaHb1k

Slut  
(Castiel is jealous when he sees Dean flirting with Jo)  
      -Smile Like You Mean It by The Killers  
Okay the synth that plays at the beginning imo is so perfect for this scene like it's kind of an "oh shit..." moment for Cas and I feel like the opening instrumentals are fitting  
https://youtu.be/wr4SVUH1MbM

The Car Ride  
(Dean drives Castiel back to his house after he's hit)  
      -Princess by Max Jury  
Yeah just yep  
https://youtu.be/O3xMmRgmY0Q

More than Sex  
(When they sleep together after a hectic night, emotions are high and things change.)  
      -I Will Be There by Odessa  
This song!! Is! So!!! Sweet!!!! Good for! Emo! Fucking!!  
https://youtu.be/Kg1EZ5oiL0w

Fixing Things  
(Castiel, Anna and their mom come together)  
      -Hold On When You Get Love And Let Go When You Give It by Stars  
This is a song of progress my friends  
https://youtu.be/2SYO6a6PaTs

Moving On  
(Castiel avoids Dean and goes on a date with Zeke)  
      -Change Your Mind by The Killers  
Okay the opening riff is perfect for  
Ugh idk how to describe it but I can like see Dean in the halls trying to talk to Cas like with this song in the background and it's this bittersweet chase sorta thing where they both suck with emotions idk also I love The Killers  
https://youtu.be/P-mW_0TUSy4

Tension  
(Zeke and Castiel kiss until Dean walks in on them and a fight ensues)  
      -Daft Pretty Boys by Bad Suns  
OKAY BUT IMAGINE THE CHORUS PLAYING JUST AS CAS LOOKS UP AND SEES DEAN AND THE SONGS LIKE "the gates of heaven are open now and my one true love has just waltzed right out" (also waltzed?? Omg how relevant) and just like the whole build up of the chorus is perfect for this tense sorta still FUCK moment. And then imagine Dean leaves on the line "I've got no time to waste on another pretty face" and then like a door slams like bbitcch  
https://youtu.be/VQ017T_euy0

Flowers  
(Dean sends Castiel flowers and a love letter)  
     -I'm sorry I literally cannot find a song that is suitable to play as Cas reads the letter IDK

At Last  
(Castiel goes to Dean's after breaking up with Zeke)  
      -Love Is Beginning by Imaginary Friends  
Because this song is so super sweet and perfect and conclusive and ugh  
Like I'm way overthinking this but in my head Cas pulls up to Dean's as this song's playing and is walking to his porch / talking to John when the drums kick in and then it'll do that movie soundtrack thing where it fades until Dean and Cas kiss on "Love is beginning now" idk ok bye  
https://youtu.be/v_NbBqULzu0

 


	30. Prequel Sneak Peek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's a look at the prequel / time stamp fic that is based off of Dean in The GBF. Hope you like it, I'm so looking forward to writing it!

     Dean was in seventh grade when his parents promised him they were staying; this time for good.

Dean was still in seventh grade when they inevitably broke that promise and bid the town of Limestone, Illinois farewell. 

      Just like he knew they would. 

Before Limestone it had been Cold Oak, South Dakota. 

      And before that it was Red Lodge, Montana, Bodega Bay, California, Hibbing Minnesota and Easter, Pennsylvania--just to name a few.

      Mom calls themselves nomads and says each new town is an "exotic place to be discovered." He knows how incredibly full of BS that is, but she's just trying to make the best of an entirely sucky situation, so he doesn't question it. 

      "I'm sorry, honey," She sighs, the morning of Dean's first day at his new school. She rushes around their new kitchen, cell phone in hand, too frazzled to find the time to so much as glance in his direction. "Well, find the damn file, then," she snaps into her cell phone. "Dean, can you pack lunches for you and Sam?"

      "Already did."

"Good," she turns to him and flashes a quick but gracious smile until her phone call ultimately steals back her attention. 

      Dean turns to his little brother who's staring at his new Batman backpack petulantly. 

     The constant moving around has been hard on Dean, he can only imagine what the never ending change must be like for eight year old Sam. The poor kid's never had enough time to so much as make a real friend. 

"How ya doing Sammy?" Dean asks, plunking down into the hard kitchen chair next to Sam's. He snatches a few dry Cheerio's from Sam's untouched bowl and stuffs them in his mouth. A few miss and scatter to the floor.

      "Dean," 

It's at that very moment that his dad chooses to stride into the kitchen, his eyes zeroing in on the cereal scattered across the shiny new tile. 

"Clean it up."

Dean falls to the floor and does his best to quietly pick up his mess. When Sam joins him to help without hesitation, it's the best Dean's felt all morning.

 

      "I don't want to go to a new school," Sam groans as the two brothers wait for their parents on the huge new staircase of their huge new house. Mom had said they'd only be a few minutes and then they'd take them to school, but Dean already knows they're going to be late. 

      But he's not concerned. He's learned by now that first impressions don't really matter. They'll just be moving away in another few months again. 

      But the routine-ness of a new school doesn't make it any more appealing. So Dean nods in agreement and shoots Sam a sad _I Understand_ type of smile. He's no more excited to be the New Kid two months into the school year than Sam is. 

"And I hate this stupid backpack," Sam sighs, giving the cartoon Batman a hard poke. "I don't even _like_ Batman. And I'm too old for kid backpacks, anyways. Why did dad buy _this_ one?"

      _Because he doesn't know you hate Batman._

"Because Batman's _awesome_ ," Dean argues as he looks over his plain blue Jansport faux-contemplatively. "Trade me."

      He's going to get torn apart for showing up with this kiddy monstrosity on his back. 

      But the instantaneous joy and relief that floods Sam's face as he and Dean swap packs is worth it.

 

      They drop Sam off at his respective school and arrive at Dean's just twenty minutes after the first bell has rung.

"Alright, be good. No trouble," his dad tells him as Dean unbuckles his seatbelt and stares at the brick building looming in front of him.

"You're not coming in with me?"

      His dad sighs heavily and he immediately wishes he hadn't asked. 

"Dean, you're old enough to do this by yourself. And I'm late." 

"Right, okay," he concedes hastily brushing off his dad's words. He opens the car door and swings his backpack onto his shoulder. "Bye--"

      The impala peels away from the curb and Dean watches it speed down the road and out of sight. 

He turns to face his new school with a heavy heart and heads towards the front doors, alone.

      The inside of the school looks just like every other middle school he's been to; lockers, linoleum tiles, bad paint jobs and trophy cases that boast mediocre accomplishments. He finds his way to the main office fairly easily.

"Can I help you?"

      A secretary at the big front desk eyes Dean with raised eyebrows as he shifts awkwardly from foot to foot. 

"Uh yeah. I'm new. Is this where I get my schedule?"

"Clearly," The secretary, Mrs. Harvelle, according to the small placard on her desk, deadpans. Dean swallows nervously. "What's your name?" 

"Dean Winchester," he shuffles closer, leaning against the desk lightly. "Seventh grade?"

"Yeah...here you are, Mr. Winchester," Mrs. Harvelle staples some papers together before handing them to Dean. "That's your schedule, school map and Code of Conduct. If you have any questions my daughter Jo is in your grade. Ask her or swing by," 

      Her advice is nice but the way she says it is brash and leaves Dean wondering if he likes or dislikes this secretary. "Uh, okay. Thanks." 

      He stares at the schedule in his hands as he reaches for the offices door when it flies open and sends him reeling.

"--He's a homophobic asshole-!"  
"--She was on top of me!"  
"--self defense and you know it-"  
"--Bloody nose for God's sake-!"

      "Would the lot of you shut up?" 

Dean is still picking himself up from the floor and brushing himself off, unnoticed by the small but chaotic group, when Mrs. Harvelle's exclamation quiets the room.

"Now what's going on here?"

Dean watches curiously as a pretty brunette steps forward, her face set in a hard frown. 

      "Raph here is the instigator of a hate crime--"

      "Or maybe I just suck at volleyball!" The furious dark-skinned boy protests. 

      "Guys--" Dean's gaze snaps a lean dark haired boy who's caught in between the two arguing. 

      And the first thought that jumps to his mind is terrifying:

      _He's cute._

What the fuck.

      Before he can listen to the argument anymore he brushes past the group and hurries out of the office, too frazzled by the fact he just thought a _boy_ was _cute_.

      He already can't wait to leave this school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus begins the origins of Dean :")


End file.
